How We Are
by CringeWorthy
Summary: Collection of unrelated one shots between JJ and Emily that vary in rating and content. Most are/will be at least slightly AU-ish.
1. Murphy's Law Meet Jennifer Jareau

_**One Shot Summary**: Emily's day starts off terribly, as though nothing can or will go right, but a run in with JJ turns her bad day around and into something so much better._

* * *

Emily awoke with a start, her eyes blearily straining to see the alarm clock, intent on seeing why she had woken so suddenly. Her internal alarm had snapped her from a particularly delightful dream and once her eyes had adjusted to the bright light filtering through the window, she realized that at some point during the night, her alarm clock had reset.

Her hand shot out and fumbled for her phone, praying that it wasn't as late as she thought it was.

The screen showed that she was running thirty minutes late, now only giving her enough time to hastily shower, dress and speed to the office in hopes of making in on time.

All traces of her dream were forgotten as she rolled out of bed, falling flat on the floor as her feet tangled in the sheets. "Son of a bitch!" She exclaimed, rubbing her forehead while trying to extricate herself from the vine like sheets.

With an angry tug she threw the offending fabric across the room, not at all satisfied with the small release of anger and hoped a hot shower would do away with her growing tension and increasingly bad morning.

Stepping into the shower, she relished in the feeling of hot water cascading down her back. Just as her hair was lathered, the water grew warm, then cold and then ice cold, eliciting a glass shattering scream from the profiler. "What the hell?" Emily screamed as she danced about under the water, trying valiantly to rinse the shampoo from her hair and wash her body while maintaining some semblance of body heat.

The moment the last of the suds were rinsed from her body, she found herself leaping out of the shower and wrapping herself thoroughly in towels, hating the way her skin was cold to the touch.

"I pay too much for this place to have to go through this crap," Emily whined to herself, taking little comfort in the act of complaining.

Once she was dressed in black slacks and a crisp white button down shirt, she grabbed her black leather jacket, purse and go bag before practically running out the door.

Unfortunately for her, things were continuing to go downhill.

Arriving at her car in the parking garage, she noticed that her rear right tire was flat and thus needed to be changed. With an angry kick, her foot collided into the rubber tire, eliciting a yelp of a pain.

Fifteen minutes later and her tire was now replaced and she was one her way to the BAU, though if things went halfway decent, she would only be twenty minutes late.

Breaking more than a few traffic laws, she pulled into the parking lot and to her amazement, had actually managed to get there on time. "Finally, things are starting to look up," she mumbled to herself, looking skyward as if giving thanks to the universe.

She stepped into the elevator, her mind replaying her horrible morning as she pushed the button for the BAU floor.

So absorbed in her thoughts, Emily failed to hear the grinding of the elevator just before it came to a complete stop. The white lights completely blacked out before an eerie red glow from the emergency lights bathed the small compartment.

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Emily muttered darkly as her finger jabbed angrily at the buttons.

"I don't think that's going to do much, Emily," a soft and clearly amused voice said beside the profiler.

Shocked at the presence of another person in the elevator, Emily whirled around and came face to face with Jennifer Jareau. "Crap Jen, you scared the hell out of me!" Emily pressed a hand to her chest, feeling the wild beating of her heart and hoping to somehow ease it to its normal rhythm.

JJ quirked an eyebrow and smirked, her eyes glancing around the small confined area, "I came in right behind you and it's not like I was hiding or anything."

Finally calming her heart, Emily had to concede to JJ's point, having been too wrapped up in her head to notice the other woman. "Sorry about that," the profiler said genuinely before she grabbed the emergency phone and tried to find out what was going on. The line was dead silent and Emily could only push the receiver closer to her ear; foolishly thinking that the closer it was to her ear, the better her odds of a noise suddenly sounding through the silence of the line.

"It's dead," she huffed before slamming it back into its holding place. Her morning was wearing her down and it seemed that Murphy's law was determined to follow her around and ruin her day.

"Is it really so bad to be stuck in the elevator? At least we get a temporary reprieve from our paperwork." JJ pointed out, her smile never leaving her face, especially when she saw how worked up her co-worker seemed to be.

"Excuse me?" Emily asked incredulously, turning to look at the blonde before her, "You're the one who's always giving us stacks of it and then hounding us to get it in on time." The brunette leaned against the wall and stared dubiously at the other woman.

"Okay then, allow me to rephrase that question." JJ suddenly said, taking a measured step towards Emily, "Is it really so bad to be stuck in an elevator with _me_?" Her cerulean eyes sparkled with mirth and something akin to temptation.

Seeing the look in her eyes, Emily could only stand there and watch helplessly as the blonde continued to slink across the small area, slowly closing the distance.

JJ stopped just a hair's breadth away from Emily, their breath mingling for a long moment before the blonde leaned closer and turned her head so her lips ghosted across the shell of Emily's ear. "I missed you last night," she whispered huskily, "my bed seems so empty without you in it."

Emily felt the hot breath wash over her sensitive skin, goose bumps spreading like wildfire over her skin and small shivers running down her spine. She took a shaky breath, desperate to fill her lungs with some much needed oxygen.

Unable to form a proper response to the lust filled confession, Emily instead focused on remaining upright and not letting her knees buckle under the electrically charged atmosphere that was quickly being created.

JJ smiled against Emily's skin, fully aware of the effect she was having on the other woman. "I hope you know that you'll be coming tonight," she breathed into Emily's ear as she pushed their bodies together, fully pressing the brunette into the wall. "And just so there's no confusion, I mean not only coming to my house but physically coming undone beneath me until your body can't take anymore and you beg me to stop." Her murmured promise was punctuated by a firm thigh pressed between Emily's legs.

The profiler could only groan at the contact, the friction sending a tidal wave of arousal through her body.

"I doubt I'll ever want you to stop," Emily groaned, her head lolling to the side as JJ ran her tongue up the expanse of her pale neck.

"Is that a challenge, Ms. Prentiss?" JJ asked tauntingly, her lips pressing against Emily's pulse point before gently sucking.

With a gasp and barely stifled moan, Emily placed her hands on JJ's waist and flipped their positions, pushing the blonde against the wall and letting her hands ghost over her figure. "You know me, Jen," Emily whispered lustily between kisses to JJ's neck, "I'm all about the challenge."

Before JJ could respond, Emily tugged her shirt free and started to run her hands over taught and tanned flesh, her fingers inching further up the blonde's torso until she reached her perfectly rounded breasts. While her hands teased and cupped the soft flesh, her lips sucked gently on the other woman's sensitive pulse point, mirroring what JJ had just done to her.

Lost in the feeling of Emily's hands on her body, JJ's eyes rolled back, her breath coming in short gasps. "You like that, baby?" Emily purred in her ear, her tongue running along the shell of her ear, "You like when I touch you like this? When I mark your body as mine?"

JJ shuddered at the words and the sex dipped voice Emily was using, knowing that dirty talk was always a sure fire way to have her dripping wet.

"Only yours," JJ groaned, her hands grabbing Emily's face forcefully and crashing their lips together in a heated and desperate kiss.

Just as their kiss deepened and tongues started to war for dominance, just as Emily's thumb and forefingers started to pinch at JJ's straining nipples through her bra clad chest, the elevator jerked and the red hazard lights blinked once before switching back to the bright fluorescent lighting.

The two jumped apart, Emily flying to the other side of the compartment as JJ moved to the corner and tried to subtly but quickly resituate herself.

"Oh my god," JJ groaned, her arousal only minimally tempered.

Emily lightly banged her head against the elevator wall, "Today is going to be pure torture." Both women knowing full well how hellish it would be to sit through an entire work day with their sexual frustration at an all time high.

JJ watched as the screen above the doors flashed the passing floors, tempted to hit the emergency stop button and finish what they had started.

"Don't even think about it," Emily said quickly, noticing the furtive glances JJ was making between the screen and the red button. "Even if we _did_ stop it, the camera would be working this time and I'd rather not give Garcia any more blackmail footage. I _just_ got her to delete the file of us in the parking garage."

The blonde huffed loudly, her arms folded across her chest as she glared angrily at the camera.

When the elevator came to a stop and the doors started to slide open Emily sidled up to JJ and whispered quietly in her ear, "It's only three hours until lunch, and I have no intention of using it to eat food."

As JJ stood there, her azure eyes darkening at the words, Emily smiled mischievously as she sauntered out the doors, "Meet you in the parking garage, Jayje." With a saucy wink and a spring in her step, Emily walked towards her desk, a megawatt smile threatening to split her face; all thoughts of her terrible morning long forgotten.

Standing alone in the elevator, watching the profiler walk away with all her usual swagger, JJ took a deep breath and walked on wobbly legs towards her office. "God I love that woman," she whispered reverently to herself, looking forward to lunch and most certainly looking forward to the fun they would have once work was over and JJ had the sexy brunette all to herself with no interruptions.


	2. A Fight Worth Fighting

_**One Shot Summary:** Emily, fed up with the push and pull behavior of JJ finally voices her frustrations and her ultimatum._

* * *

Emily stared at the blonde and tried to really _see _the person before her. But no matter how hard she looked, no matter the length of time she spent analyzing and reanalyzing, she was left feeling at a total loss.

For so long she had been trying to do the right thing, to be the foundation that JJ had so clearly needed. And for the most part, she had succeeded, but there was only so much of herself that Emily could give away without expecting _something_ in return.

"JJ, I can't keep doing this." Her face was schooled and her voice maintained a level and calm tone despite the overflow of emotions running through her. "I have been there for you through your divorce, your pregnancy, hell, I'm even your part-time babysitter. I thought," the brunette ran her hand roughly through her hair, the only sign of her frustration, "I thought that maybe, once you saw that I could be there for you, and not just as a friend, that you would step up but I'm starting to see how horribly wrong I was."

Her head shook, as though she were trying to literally shake the thoughts loose from her brain. "I have been chasing you and I don't know if it's because you liked the attention, didn't know how to let me down or didn't know how to move forward but I can't keep doing this." Emily's brow furrowed, "I'm done with it all. It's like we take one step forward only to have you push it back two more steps. So I'm out. I'll still watch Henry when you need me to, but I'm not going to keep waiting in the wings for you to realize what's been right in front of your face the whole time."

Emily felt like it was too much and not enough all at the same time; so much time had been spent going over this speech and now that the words were flying out of her mouth, she found that it seemed woefully inadequate to what she had prepared. But that didn't mean the words weren't true.

Emily was willing to admit that she could handle a lot of things, but this amount of pain and suffering was too much, even for her. And if she hoped to maintain some semblance of respect for herself, she needed to cut her losses and realize it was time to walk away. It was painful and left her feeling raw and exposed, something she tried to avoid if she could, but this seemed inevitable.

JJ's eyes were wide as she stared uncomprehendingly at Emily, unable to fathom how things had spiraled so far out of control. "Emily…" she stammered, at a loss for words. Some part of her knew it was cruel to drag Emily along but another part, the selfish part of her, enjoyed the comfort and stability that the brunette offered. "I can't lose you," the blonde pleaded, her eyes misting with barely restrained tears. "I can be the person you need me to be just like you've been the one I needed. I can be that for you."

It was the sheer desperation in JJ's voice that made Emily want to close the gap between them and wrap her arms around the other woman. JJ in pain had always and would always be her Achilles heel but as badly as her heart wanted her to comfort and reassure the media liaison, her brain knew better.

JJ's words held no merit; they didn't have the substance and backing to make Emily _really_ believe that things could be different. Mixed signals and shameless flirting from JJ had had her straddling so many lines; torn between a friend, possible lover, girlfriend, one-night stand, it was just too much to ignore.

"I don't think you know how," Emily whispered, willing the anguish ripping through her insides to hold off until she could breakdown away from prying eyes.

The profiler took one last look into those blue eyes she had grown to love so much, committing every shade of blue and fleck of pigment to memory before turning on her heel and walking towards the door.

Just as her hand rested on the knob, her shoulders slumped as she made one last ditch effort to save the battered and broken muscle in her chest, "Maybe it's about time you did the chasing."

With the last of her strength, Emily turned the knob and walked out the door. The walk towards her car and away from Jennifer felt eerily like a death march; a piece of her dying with each step she took away from the blonde.

Inside, JJ stood rooted to the floor, her eyes still trained on the door that Emily had just walked out of.

Things didn't feel real to her; it felt like she had stepped into some strange alternate reality where anything that could go wrong, was. It was hard to believe that the day, which had started out so well, had taken such a twisted turn and left her standing alone with her heart hammering wildly in her chest while simultaneously breaking to pieces.

It wasn't that she hadn't acknowledged the potential that had presented itself when Emily stepped up to the plate and became more and more involved in her life.

So many times during their time together, she caught herself staring at the brunette. Studying her features; her deep brown eyes, her soft and full pink lips, the curve of her nose, her silky raven hair; it was at times, a bit overwhelming.

But at the same time it made her stomach flip-flop and her heart flutter.

So, yes, JJ had recognized the beauty and potential that Emily offered; she'd be a fool not to see it but seeing it and acting on it were two totally different things.

And it shamed her to no end but JJ could never get herself to stop toeing the line and cross over to the side that offered her more with the brunette. It was pathetic and sad and JJ felt so ridiculous for letting her fears conquer her.

So instead of just pushing past the barrier she had created, she pushed the limits and hoped that Emily would be the first to make a move. And Emily was brazen enough to do just that when she was confident enough with the signals JJ had been sending. So the profiler took in all the flirty remarks, the lingering glances and touches and she made her move.

When their first kiss happened, JJ swore she saw fireworks and heard cheesy instrumental music playing somewhere. As corny and cliché as it may seem, it was everything that a first kiss should be.

Things weren't defined and since Emily wasn't drawing a line in the sand, JJ was content to take everything that was being offered to her.

Until one day it was too much and she found herself scurrying backwards and doing everything in her power to show just how untethered and available she was.

It was the look in Emily's eyes, the look that promised JJ a future full of devoted love and warmth that scared the hell out of her. Knowing that not just someone, but Emily Prentiss, was willing to settle down and offer every ounce of themselves to her was absolutely terrifying.

So she did the only thing she could think of and she pushed Emily away. Forced her back over the line and shoved her back into the 'friends' category before flirting shamelessly with other men and women.

It was a crap move but it meant that she could keep her friend and not have to feel the weight of everything that was being thrown at her. It was the easy way out but it meant she could breathe so she took it.

And, somewhere along the way, between her wishy-washy behavior, Emily had thrown in the towel and given up.

JJ wasn't sure at what point during the day Emily had drawn the final straw but she had and now the blonde was left alone and scrambling to fix what she had messed up so royally.

It shouldn't have taken her this long to see what was right in front of her; it shouldn't have taken her losing Emily to realize how stupid her fears were and just how magnificent of a person the profiler was.

Maybe her chance with Emily was gone, and maybe she would be doing the brunette a favor by giving up and not stumbling through a relationship. There were so many things that came to mind when she considered leaving Emily alone and just giving her a shot with someone who could really appreciate everything the brunette had to offer.

But JJ had already admitted it before; she was a selfish person and Emily was something she just wasn't willing to give up. The blonde knew she was going to mess things up, probably more than either woman could really handle, but there was just too much at stake to just not _try._

"I'll fight for you, Emily." JJ said proudly to the empty room, her voice sounding almost defiant as she acknowledged the challenge the profiler had given.

If the brunettes parting words were anything to go by then JJ still had a chance and she would be damned if she just let it slip through her fingers. "I've messed up so badly, Emily. I've taken you for granted, I've toyed with your emotions and sent mixed signals, I've…well, I've been pretty terrible." The blonde sighed as her head shook sadly, memories of her recent behavior flooding her mind, "I haven't been someone who deserves your affections but I _can_ and _will_ change that. I've been passive and let you chase after me only to let you catch me before I take off running again but I'm done running."

JJ's hands clenched as the emotions running rampant through her settled into a determined resolve, "I will chase you to the ends of the Earth if I have to."

The words were falling from her mouth and swirling around her, each silent promise tattooing itself onto her skin. It was as though the moment the words were said and the declaration made that everything came into focus providing the blonde with a sharp clarity that she had never had before.

And through that clarity, she could only see deep brown eyes, raven hair and soft pink lips that quirked into a mischievous smirk. She saw a force to be reckoned with.

But most of all, she saw a future that always seemed just a little out of her grasp; whether by her own doing or from the forces around her, but now it seemed so close she could almost reach out and grab it.

Because Emily Prentiss would be and is someone worth fighting for and Jennifer Jareau was never one to go down without a fight.

"I'll fight for you Em and by the time I'm done, you won't even know what hit you." It was as much a promise as it was a quiet plea; the blonde finally finding the strength she had so clearly lacked before. If Emily could put her heart on the line time after time, no matter how mangled JJ had let it get, the blonde figured she could do the same. JJ would rip the beating muscle from her chest with her bare hands if it meant Emily would give her another chance. In fact, JJ was willing to do a lot of things if it meant Emily would give her another shot.

So JJ stood there, alone in her house, hands hanging limply at her sides while her mind ran through all the ways she could show Emily that she was finally ready to step up to the plate. If the profiler wanted to be chased, to be shown that JJ wasn't just saying things but wholeheartedly _meant_ them, then JJ would pull out all the stops to prove it.

Because Emily Prentiss was worth fighting for.


	3. Under the Desk, Over the Cliff

_**One Shot Summary:** After a night out dancing, Emily walks into JJ's office and offers to give the blonde a foot massage. Things quickly escalate when Hotch enters and Emily is forced under the desk._

_Rated: M_

* * *

JJ sat at her desk, her fingers rubbing uselessly at her eyes in a last ditch attempt at waking up. Her shoulders were sore from slumping over her desk, looking at countless files of gruesome murders; her feet were killing her, due mainly to the fact that she had spent the better part of the night before dancing; her head was throbbing, in part due to the nature of her work and also from the amount of alcohol consumed the previous night; and her day was only half over.

With yet another sigh, she tugged gently at her hair to relieve the pressure of her headache and reluctantly flipped open another case file.

Halfway through the case, the door to her office swung open, long enough for a dark blur to whiz inside before the door was slamming shut again.

JJ looked up from her file and found herself getting lost in familiar chocolate brown eyes. "Em?" She asked quietly, a small smile finding its way to her lips despite her confusion.

"Hey," the profiler said, not moving from her position in front of the door. Her eyes studied the media liaison for a solid minute, taking in the barely concealed dark circles under her eyes and the stiffness in her shoulders. "Bad day?" She asked, already knowing the answer and contemplating ways to help make it better.

JJ snorted before wincing from the pain it shot to her head, "That's a gross understatement." With a flick of her wrist she closed the file in front of her and folded her arms on the table, her head instantly dropping onto them. "My shoulders are hurt, my feet are killing me and my head feels like someone let loose a jackhammer in it."

Emily listened to the muffled complaints before she strode across the room, pushed JJ's seat backwards and took a seat in front of her chair.

JJ gasped in surprise at the sudden movement, her head rocketing upwards as she studied the brunette before her. "What are you doing?"

The profiler rolled her eyes and pulled the blonde's feet into her lap and slowly removed her shoes. "Giving you a foot massage," Emily said matter-of-factly, her hands already starting to work the sore flesh.

"Em, you really don't have to-_Oh_" the rest of her half-hearted protests were cut off as Emily pressed into a particularly sore spot.

"I know I don't have to," the brunette said through a smirk, her thumbs pressing firmly into the ball of her foot, moving in small circles, "but I want to."

As Emily's thumbs moved towards the arch of her foot a low moan of pleasure passed through her lips, too lost in the pleasurable sensation to care about the sounds she was making. "_Oooh_," she groaned, "right there."

Throughout the entire massage, Emily said nothing. Her strong and nimble fingers worked the sore flesh of JJ's feet with ease and a strange level of expertise and knowledge.

Just as her thumbs pressed into the sole of her other foot, there was a knock at her door and her knee-jerk reaction was to kick Emily completely under the desk as her body shot ramrod straight. JJ pushed her chair closer to the desk, hoping to hide any evidence of Emily being there.

Later, when she would look back on the moment, she would berate herself for freaking out over things and hiding the other woman under the desk. Completely aware of how guilty the actions would seem and how it was just begging for trouble. Nothing bad had been happening up until that point and it was ridiculous for JJ to freak out like that.

Which is why JJ should have guessed that Emily getting kicked under the desk was going to be nothing but trouble.

No sooner had she rolled up to the desk had Hotch walked into the room and taken a seat in front of her desk. His face was as serious as it always was, his eyebrows drawn together, his lips pressed firmly together as his eyes stared into hers with a seriousness that only he could wield.

"JJ, do you have a minute?" He asked, despite the fact that he was already sitting down and placing the manila envelope on the desk.

"Y-yeah, sure Hotch," she stammered, trying desperately to channel some of the bravado she used on a daily basis when wrangling the media.

"I don't know if what I've been hearing is true or not but I need to ask." He continued to stare her down, as though he could see the answers he was looking for plainly written on her face.

Before he could continue, JJ's phone chirped and Emily's name popped up on the screen as a text message came in.

'_**I'm willing to bet your headache just got a million times worse. Lucky for you I've got the perfect cure. x Emily**_'

JJ stared at the screen for a moment, unsure of how to react to a message like that. But she had a sneaking suspicion that it wouldn't turn out all that well for her.

'_**Don't you dare do anything Emily!**_' the blonde quickly replied, wanting to nip anything the brunette had planned in the bud.

"Everything okay?" Hotch suddenly asked, making JJ jump in her shock.

"Oh, yeah, just a text from a-" unable to think of an adequate lie, she just waved her hands dismissively in the air and pushed her phone away, "nothing important. You were saying?"

Hotch nodded curtly, still eyeing her phone skeptically before going back to what he was talking about. "So, like I said, I've been hearing a few rumors and I need to know if any of them are true."

"Why come to me?" JJ asked bluntly, wanting this visit to be over with as soon as possible.

"Well, you talk to everyone and seem to know everything that's going on." He answered hesitantly, unsure if he was overstepping but wanting to get as much information set straight as possible. He didn't enjoy doing this but as the boss he needed to know if certain rules were being broken.

"Hotch, I don't _**know**_" JJ gasped, saying the last word a little louder and urgently than she had intended.

Underneath the desk, Emily's fingers were slowly trekking up JJ's legs, skimming along her tanned thighs and gliding along the bottom of her black skirt.

"JJ?" Hotch asked, taking her slightly flushed cheeks as a sign of anger rather than what it really was; arousal.

"I'm not sure I'm the person you should be talking to about this." JJ bit out quickly, forcing her tone to remain even as she felt Emily's fingers slip under her skirt and rub lightly against her upper thighs, moving closer and closer to a spot she most definitely did not want touched while Hotch was in the room.

Just as Emily's hand got closer to her increasingly wet center, her foot shot out and kicked the woman, temporarily halting her movements.

A quiet thud echoed in the abruptly quiet room and Hotch stared at JJ quizzically, "What was that?"

JJ shrugged lightly, trying not to smirk at the obvious sound of some part of Emily colliding with the bottom of the desk, "My foot, I accidentally hit the desk," The media liaison offered as an excuse. "You were saying?"

Hotch nodded, taking the answer for what it was. "So, I wanted to know if any of the things I've been hearing are true."

JJ tried to listen to him, she really did, but his voice was quickly fading into white noise as Emily's warm hands were once again blazing a trail along her flesh.

Her blue eyes focused on Hotch's lips, hoping to be able to get at least _some_ idea as to what he was talking about but all she got was "Garcia" and "relationships" and anything beyond that was just unimportant seeing as how there was a pair of lips touching her knees.

She rested her head firmly on her hand, using the heel of it to cover her mouth and muffle the gasp that was bound to escape her lips as Emily's deliciously plump lips continued to kiss her skin. Moving from her knees, up her thighs until her legs were gently pushed apart, giving Emily unrestrained access to JJ's wet and wanting center.

While JJ mentally tracked Emily's movement, she was torn between being utterly mortified and horribly turned on. On one hand, she certainly didn't want this happening while Hotch was in the room trying to pump her for information but on the other hand, it was pretty hard to resist any part of Emily on her body.

"So, what do you think?" Hotch asked suddenly, drawing JJ out of her stupor.

"W-what?" the blonde asked, her lips pressing firmly together as Emily's hands wrapped around her knees and her tongue ran along her soaked panties, barely putting pressure on her center.

"About Garcia? I know her and Morgan flirt but is there anything going on that I should know about? I can't protect them if I don't know what I'm dealing with." He looked sincere enough and JJ suddenly felt bad that she wasn't giving this conversation her complete attention but then Emily fingers pushed aside her panties and a slim finger ran along her folds and any sympathy for Hotch went right out the window.

A groan left her lips before she could stop it and to mask the sound she quickly started to cough, her fingers moving towards her armrest and digging painfully into the cushioning. "Uh, Hotch, I honestly don't know."

Now with unhampered access, Emily pulled JJ's chair closer and gave the blonde's center a long and slow lick. A quiet hum came from the back of her throat as she once again ran her tongue through JJ's wet folds, letting the taste settle in her mouth like a fine wine.

Her fingers parted the moist lips as her tongue continued to lap at the juices flowing freely from the blonde, wanting to taste every last drop.

While Emily mercilessly attacked her under the table, JJ had to fight to keep her hips from bucking and a series of moans from leaving her mouth. "H-hotch, can we do this another time? Maybe g-give me some time to get some infor-information." Her breaths were heavier than she wanted, unable to regulate her speech now that Emily was flicking her tongue across her swollen clit.

"Are you alright JJ?" Her boss asked, seeing the light sheen of sweat on her forehead, her flushed face and slightly glazed over eyes.

Emily ignored the conversation going on above her, too focused on the object in front of her to really care.

The brunette ran her finger down the blonde's slit, coating it before sliding it into her opening as her tongue continued to flick across her engorge and sensitive clit. Emily slowly pulled her finger out before slipping two fingers into the blonde, the digits curling as they sought out the one spot that was sure to send JJ over the edge.

JJ's hips bucked upwards, narrowly avoiding a collision with the desk while her fingers dug so far into the cushioning of her chair that she hit the hard plastic framing. "I'm not-" the blonde paused, swallowing the moan that was building in her throat and trying to ignore the tightening of her stomach, "feeling well."

Emily could feel JJ's muscles tightening and knew it wouldn't take long to push the other woman spiraling head first into an orgasm but she was having too much fun to end it so quickly. Plus, if JJ were to orgasm while Hotch was in the room, the odds were that Emily would never be allowed to lay another finger on her and that was something the brunette wouldn't be able to handle.

So reluctantly, she withdrew her fingers and wrapped her lips around JJ's bundle of nerves, her tongue swirling around it while she sucked lightly, enjoying the way Jennifer's hand wound its way into her hair and pushed her face closer.

"Maybe you should take the rest of the day off, JJ. I'm sure we can manage one day without you." Hotch looked at her with nothing but compassion, knowing that JJ's job was one of the tougher ones and not wanting to push the blonde to do work when she was so clearly ill. "We'll talk later."

JJ could only nod, her lip caught between her teeth as she dug her fingers further into Emily hair, trying to get the release that hung just out of her grasp.

The second Hotch was out the door; JJ pushed her chair back and released Emily from the confines of the small space under her desk.

Emily quickly stood and walked towards the door, ignoring the protests from the frustrated blonde. Her pale finger pushed the lock into place and turned around, a devilish smile on her face as she stalked towards the media liaison again.

Once she was standing in front of the chair, she dropped to her knees and pulled the chair closer. Emily propped the blonde's legs onto her shoulders as JJ leaned further back in her chair, waiting in anticipation for the brunettes tongue and lips to touch her sensitive and tender flesh.

Wasting no time, Emily's tongue went back to work, leisurely flicking and licking JJ's clit while simultaneously pumping two fingers inside of her. Her pale digits curled upwards, stroking JJ's inner walls with each thrust and rubbing gloriously against the spongy tissue.

"R-right th-there Em," JJ moaned, her eyes sliding shut at the sensation of Emily's fingers pressing against her g-spot combined with the sensation of her teeth lightly grazing her clitoris. "Oh god, oh god," she chanted, feeling the familiar tingling spreading throughout her body, her stomach muscles tightening and her toes starting to curl.

Emily pumped harder, her fingers moving at an increasingly quicker speed while her tongue struggled to keep up the pace, knowing JJ was just a few seconds away from her release.

With one last flick of her tongue and a little suction, Emily's fingers ceased their movements before stroking firmly over the spongy tissue of JJ's walls, instantly sending the blonde hurtling into an intense orgasm.

JJ 's legs tightened their hold on the brunette, her feet pressing into the other woman's back as her fingers clawed at the armrests of her chair. Behind her eyes, lights burst as the toe-curling orgasm swept through her body.

Emily smiled against JJ, slowly licking up the fluids that were drenching the blonde, not wanting any of it to go to waste.

With one last shudder, the blonde unwrapped her legs from around Emily's shoulders and ran a shaky hand through her hair. When the brunette had finished and slid JJ's panties back into place, the media liaison could only stare at her, a smile on her face despite her wish to at least appear annoyed. But since her body was still humming from her powerful orgasm and the tension that had been wreaking havoc on her body was gone, it was pretty hard to be pissed.

"Seriously Em? You couldn't wait until he was gone to do that?" JJ asked quietly, forcing herself to sound angrier than she felt.

Emily didn't show an ounce of remorse as she slipped her wet fingers into her mouth and made a show of slowly sucking on them, her shoulders bobbing as the digits left her mouth with a quiet _pop_. "You're the one who pushed me under the desk, what else was I supposed to do?"

JJ could only stare incredulously at her.

The brunette simply smirked, her eyebrow quirking in a silent challenge, "Besides, your feet don't hurt anymore and your headache is gone, right? Seems like everybody won in this situation." Before JJ could even formulate a response, Emily was already unlocking the door and walking out.

The brunette paused halfway out the door, her head turning back towards the still shocked blonde, "Dinner at my place tonight?"

JJ nodded slowly, still trying to get over the fact that Emily's impromptu sexcapades had actually gotten rid of her headache. Just before Emily walked away, JJ's voice floated through the room, "This isn't over." She wasn't sure if she was talking about reprimanding the profiler for her actions or if she was making a promise to continue them later.

Emily only smiled cheekily, "Oh, I know it isn't."

And with that, JJ was left alone in her office, a sudden blush across her cheeks and an immediate need for the day to be over with. "Game on, Prentiss." JJ muttered, already fantasizing about what would be taking place the second she got home and got herself alone with the beautiful brunette.


	4. Our House, Our Future

_**One Shot Summary:** While looking at an empty house, Emily sees her life unfold before her eyes and tries to share her vision with JJ and Henry._

* * *

The house isn't overly big, it doesn't scream extravagance nor does it look overwhelmingly cozy but Emily still can't take her eyes off of it. For what seems like hours, she's stood inside the empty house, staring at the wallpapered walls, the dingy carpet clad floor and the deceptively spacious rooms.

As she stands in the doorway of the rooms, her mind supplies her with an image of a fully decorated room and a possible future memory.

In the kitchen, she can clearly see the ridiculously fancy stainless steel stove and refrigerator – one she knows JJ will give her flack about but won't deny her because it's clear Emily does most if not all of the cooking – the walls are a bright yellow, something JJ has commented in the past that she loved in her childhood home and always wanted in her future one. Emily can picture taking days to find just the right shade of yellow, laughing and goofing off as they paint the room, ending up covered in more paint than the walls and perfectly okay with that.

Her brown eyes dart to the backsplash tiles near the sink, the sea-foam colored glass tiling popping against the yellow walls. The profiler can imagine the ridiculously long debate between sea-foam green and aquamarine blue that causes one overblown and irrelevant fight followed by a whole lot of makeup sex. Emily knows, even now, that JJ will win that fight and probably 99% of all the others because she is hopelessly in love and completely whipped.

The raven haired woman leans against the outdated counter, her arms crossed as she studies the item, picturing it in a sleek black marble. Her mind isn't allowed to wander far, but she can see days where preparing dinner morphs into a night of passion; a blissfully serene moment that turns into something more because even after everything they've been through, they still act like teenagers who can't seem to keep their hands off one another. Emily envisions the blonde lying on the counter, her beautifully tan body, long flowing blonde hair, lustfully lidded azure eyes staring up at her; all of the Jennifer standing out like a piece of artwork as she writhes on the marble top.

Before her mind goes somewhere it might not recover from visiting, Emily stumbles from the kitchen, cheeks tinged pink as she wills the image of a naked and wanton JJ splayed on the sleek kitchen counter to leave her mind, if only until she can act it out for real with the blonde.

Her feet carry her into the front room, her mind unable to decide on a color for the walls but imagining the worn leather couch JJ seems so fond of sitting in the middle of the room. The large TV that will undoubtedly be mounted on the wall and used for the football parties she knows JJ would love to host.

As Emily stands there, she can hear Penelope making fun of JJ; can hear the tech analyst being her usual nosy self as they settle in for a girls night of drinking, relaxing and talking about nothing. She can imagine the football Sundays where the BAU team comes over and watches the game, more interested in the time with one another than the actual sport.

It both surprises and delights Emily that she can so easily provide herself with an image of her and JJ's life in this unoccupied home.

Her feet shuffle down the hallway and through the various rooms, letting her imagination get the better of her as she pictures lazy days and holidays with the people she has come to love and cherish.

Before long, the front door of the house swings open and the sound of tiny feet hitting the floor echoes in the otherwise empty building.

"Henry, no running." The familiar voice chastises and Emily can't help the smile that works its way onto her face at JJ's soft but stern tone.

Her smile only grows wider when Henry bounds into the room, his arms wrapping tightly around Emily's legs. "Em'ly!" He shouts, a goofy grin on his face as the profiler lifts him off the ground and carries him on her hip.

"Hey little man, I missed you," she breathes out; twirling them both around just before she gently pokes him in the stomach.

His giggling fills the sudden silence, his head thrown back as he laughs wildly with delight that only a child of his age can obtain. "Em'ly I just sawed you," he giggle whispers, blue eyes crinkled in delight as he pokes the raven haired woman back.

Emily playfully slaps her forehead, "That's right! Silly me! I guess I just missed you too much," she jokes before peppering his adorable little face with kisses, relishing in the way his smile widens and his face buries into the crook of her neck to escape the onslaught of affection.

"Em'ly," he whines, the overjoyed grin on his face making her want to hug him and never let go.

Instead, she narrows her eyes playfully and sets him on the ground, "Fine, I'll give all my hugs and kisses to your mommy, I'm sure she would love them."

She only manages to take one step before his tiny hand is fisting her jeans, a pout on his angelic face as he gazes up. "But I love your hugs 'n kisses," he says sadly, eyes wide and lower lip jutted out as he continues to pout.

She bends down and gently swipes his shaggy blond hair out of his eyes, staring intently and lovingly into his eyes, "Good, cause you're stuck with 'em," she says with conviction before planting a kiss on his forehead. "Now go explore and tell me what you think, okay?"

His smile is shy and bashful as he stares at his feet, "'Kay." With nothing more than a little wave of his hand he's darting down the hallway and running from room to room to inspect the empty house in a way that only kids can.

The moment his little body disappears from view, his giggling still audible from where she stands, Emily is wrapped in a tight embrace. Strong and tan arms encircle her waist, a nose gently nuzzling her neck. "I missed you," JJ says softly, her lips placing the softest of kisses on Emily's neck.

With liquid grace, the profiler turns around in their embrace, her eyes getting lost in familiar blue ones. "I missed you too," Emily whispers reverently, her eyes saying so much more than her lips ever could.

Without another thought, their lips meet in a soft and eager kiss, their tongues languidly exploring one another's mouths, hands seeking purchase on whatever they can grasp.

When they break apart, both are breathless and Emily wonders if kissing the blonde will ever leave her not feeling weak in the knees; as though her legs are suddenly made of jelly and will give out on her any moment.

For JJ, she wonders if the familiar tingling that accompanies any sort of contact will ever cease; hoping it never does. She also wonders if her heart will continue to skip a beat before hammering in her chest when she locks eyes with Emily's expressive brown ones. It's another thing she hopes she never loses and not so secretly adores.

They stand in front of one another, just gazing into one another's eyes, their silent conversation carrying on as their hands twine together and their hearts beat in sync.

"So, tell me about the place," JJ finally says, breaking the comfortable silence they had fallen into.

Bowing and waving her hand with an over exaggerated flourish, Emily smiles wide and unrestrained, "Your wish is my command."

With their hands still firmly clasped, Emily leads the blonde into the kitchen and briefly describes what she had envisioned just moments ago.

JJ stands beside the profiler, watching the profiler more than the room itself. She takes in the way Emily's eyes light up as she talks about the appliances and the color of the walls, the way pale cheeks tinge pink at the mention of JJ's throwaway comment about her desire to have a yellow kitchen like her childhood home, the smile that works its way onto the other woman's face as she sets up scenarios and future dinners.

It makes JJ's chest ache with emotion and her throat close as she lets the warmth of love wash over her. For the briefest of moments, her eyes flutter closed and she lets Emily's words take over, imagining the scenarios that are being set up and allowing herself to get lost in the moments that are sure to come for them.

"It's beautiful," the blonde whispers in awe, having seen the beauty of the kitchen and the promise that Emily's words provide.

"That's just the beginning," Emily says softly, her lips dangerously close to JJ's ear as she leads the blonde into the front room to explain her other thoughts.

For what feels like hours, the two move from room to room, setting up scenario after scenario, planning the layout of the rooms and designing them with no effort. It comes easily to them – living together and making memories – and neither woman minds how lost they get in the possibility of a future that the quaint home seems to have set at their feet.

"And this," Emily says quietly, her arms wrapped around the blonde's waist as they stare into the spacious room, "is going to be our bedroom."

Together, they step into the room and try to imagine the décor and moments they'll share together.

"Right there," Emily points to the farthest wall, her gaze in the center of the room, "is where we'll have our bed." Her grip on the blonde tightens just a fraction, "Where we'll spend Sunday evenings sleeping in and have an overexcited Henry wake us up at the crack of dawn on Christmas morning. Where Henry and I will bring you breakfast in bed on Mother's day and where you and I will fall asleep every night, bodies tangled together."

JJ's throat constricts at the emotion that those words bring her, hearing the promise of forever that Emily has yet to explicitly say but that her words seem to imply.

"We'll put the dresser right there," JJ throws in, pointing to the wall on the right of the bed, wanting to add to the vision. "You know, the one you absolutely hate," she teases, knowing how frustrated that particular piece of old furniture makes the profiler.

"How could I forget," Emily grumbles, her smile taking away from the annoyed tone, "I've stubbed my toe on the thing more times than I can count and only _my_ drawer seems to stick all the time."

JJ wants to comment that she's told the profiler a million times to just spray the supports on the drawer with WD-40 and the problem of it sticking would be solved but she figures she'll save that for a later date. Instead, she wanders further into the room.

"Oh, this bathroom is huge," the blonde practically gushes, noticing the deceptively large en suite bathroom fully equipped with a large claw foot tub. "And that tub," the delight in her voice is clear as she steps closer and runs her hand along the smooth porcelain.

Emily steps up beside her, content to watch the emotions play across the blonde's face. "I'm not sure that we'll be getting very clean when we're in that tub," the profiler husks, sex dripping from her words as she lets her desires flicker in her eyes.

The media liaison takes a step back, almost as if the force of the words has her unable to stand still, the thoughts of taking Emily in the large tub, against the sink, in the shower; all of it knocking the wind out of her.

But Emily isn't about to give into that carnal desire, so she grabs JJ's hand and drags her back into the bedroom. The profiler points towards the window on the wall to the left of the bed that provides the perfect view of the neighborhood, "This, this is probably my favorite part of the room."

JJ can only stare questioningly at the other woman, unsure why a window would be the best part of the room. "Why?" She asks suddenly, glancing out to see if it's the view that has captured Emily's interest.

Suddenly, the raven haired woman chuckles quietly, sounding almost nervous as her eyes move from the window to the spot where she envisioned the bed. "God, this is going to sound so cheesy and ridiculous," she complains, a blush lightly covering her cheeks as she avoids eye contact with the increasingly curious gaze of the blonde.

"C'mon, tell me," JJ prods, her hand cupping the profiler's face as she forces their eyes to meet.

Emily huffs quietly before her gaze softens and she points once again towards the window, "The window is my favorite part because every time I come into this room I can picture the bed and the way our bodies are cocooned in the blankets, your arms wrapped around my waist and the streaks of sunlight just starting to peak through."

Suddenly, Emily isn't in the present but in the future where the house is exactly how they've discussed. She can feel JJ around her, can feel the warmth of her body as they spoon in bed, well rested after a night of nothing but one another.

Her eyes slide shut as she loses herself to the sensations, "I can see it like I'm there and it's happening right now. The way your hair, however messy it is, fans around your face perfectly. I can feel your hand pressed tightly to my hips can feel the soft breathes against my neck and the way your nose buries itself in the nape of my neck."

JJ stands there, transfixed by the sight of Emily and the image she so vividly describes.

"I can so easily picture morning after morning of just lying in bed, relishing in the feeling of _us_. But what makes that window so great is that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that when I roll over and watch you sleep, when I take that moment to just relish in the relaxed and blissfully _content_ look on your face, I can see the light hitting you just right."

Emily's voice starts to crack, her eyes still closed, "I can see the way the streaks of color light up the sky as the sun rises, the way it plays across the room and shines like a spotlight on your peaceful face. I can see the way it highlights your hair, how it makes your skin glow and seems to wrap itself around you."

The profiler takes a shuddering breath, her eyes open and filled with love, devotion, and a myriad of emotions, "Seeing you like that, getting to wake up next to you like that," her head shakes as though she can hardly believe the reality of it, the luck of getting to wake up to the beauty of the blonde, "it makes my heart pound and my head spin." As if to prove it, she grabs JJ's hand and places it over her heart, letting the blonde feel just how erratically and forcefully the muscle is beating.

"I've never wanted a forever Jennifer," Emily says softly, her voice layered in guilt and shame, "but then again, I've never felt the way you seem to make me feel." Her eyes lock onto JJ's, the blonde's hand still pressed firmly above her heart, "I walked into this house and I immediately saw my forever, I saw it all. I could see the happy moments, the sad ones, the disasters and fights, the holidays; I saw it all. And in every one of the moments, each and every single thing I pictured, you were always right there by my side."

JJ stood there, feeling the pounding of Emily's heart, her own matching the furious beating. She was speechless, unable to form a singly syllable as she let the other woman wrap her in the love and promise of future moments and memories.

"I can't promise not to drive you crazy; I can't promise that we won't have fights that end with one of us, most likely me, sleeping on the couch. I'm terrible with my feelings, I shut people out, and I have a hard time asking for help, but if you can look past my faults, can get past all of my flaws, I can promise you forever. I can promise to be there for you and Henry, I can promise you a house with yellow walls and a place for your worn down leather couch and abusively annoying antique dresser."

Dropping down to one knee, Emily smiled through her watery eyes and shakily pulled a small black box from her pocket, "I can promise you a life where you're cherished and loved, a life where you can be happy and have the white picket fence, the family and everything else you've ever wanted. I can promise you a safe haven—a home."

By the end, JJ was unable to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks, unable to keep the heartfelt promises from making her stomach erupt into butterflies and her hands clammy with nervousness. Her heart beat wildly and her eyes scanned restlessly over the profiler's every feature, wanting to commit as much of the moment to memory as possible.

"I never wanted a future, Jennifer, but you have a way of making me want things I never thought possible. So, in this possible future home of ours, in the bedroom where we'll fall asleep to one another and wake to one another, I ask you this one question. Will you marry me?"

Emily breathed a sigh of relief as she opened the black box and showed the oval three stone engagement ring set in a white gold band, the diamonds glistening beautifully in the light from the setting sun.

JJ stood motionless, her mouth covered by her hand as she stared wide eyed at the ring held securely between Emily's fingers.

When JJ didn't offer an answer, nervousness started to bubble within Emily, the forceful throb of rejection making her heart clench and her stomach hurt. "You know, this might have been too soon. The house and the ring, I shouldn't have sprung this on you," the profiler back peddled, already starting to put the ring away as she made to stand up.

"No!" JJ shouted when she got over the shock and joy of the proposal, her hands shooting out to stop Emily's retreat and utterly broken expression.

"No?" Emily asked quietly, trying to keep the overwhelming pain of JJ's rejection from showing on her face or in her voice.

JJ's eyes widened before her hands waved emphatically in front of her, "That's not what I meant," she tried to correct, feeling as though this was going terribly. "I meant don't put the ring away, not no to the question."

The blonde sighed and grabbed Emily, pulling her to her feet, "I want forever with you, I want you sleeping beside me every day, I want Christmas mornings with you, fights where you sleep on the couch, fights that make me want to tear my hair out. I want it all with _you_ and only _you_."

Emily searched JJ's eyes, seeing the truth of the words reflecting back in those baby blue eyes she had fallen so hard for. "So, that's a yes?" She asked again for clarification, her voice filled with hope and love.

"That is definitely a yes," JJ whispered as Emily slid the ring onto her finger and kissed her for all she was worth.

"And the house?" Emily asked between kisses, her hands pulling the blonde infinitesimally closer.

"A ring _and_ a house?" JJ joked, her head already nodding enthusiastically, "You Prentiss's really go all out when you do things, don't you?"

Enthusiastically showering the blonde with kisses, "Only the best _for_ the best," she rebuttaled, only stopping her ministrations when the sound of feet pattering across the floor grew louder and closer.

Not a second after Emily stepped away from the blonde did Henry bound through the doorway, his hand excitedly tugging on both the profiler and blonde's hands, pulling them out of the room and towards the rest of the house. "Momma, Em'ly, dis way," he shouted, his exuberance making both women smile.

"Guess he found his room?" Emily questioned quietly, looking to the blonde to confirm her suspicions.

"I'd say so," JJ responded, looking down at the little boy and then to the woman she had just agreed to marry. Her heart was full of emotion that she felt like she might just breakdown and cry from the overwhelming amount of _love_ she was experiencing.

"There's no need to rush, Henry," Emily joked. "We've got all the time in the world," she says a bit quieter, her eyes slyly darting towards the blonde, a wistful smile on her face.

"Forever," JJ adds just after, her smile mirroring Emily's as the reality of it finally sinks in. Her heart has yet to cease its rapid thumping in her chest, her hands still feel clammy and shaky with nerves, her stomach feels as though there are dragons flying wildly within it and her head is foggy and seems to remain solely focused on the word forever.

And with Henry tugging restlessly on her hand and Emily staring at her and Henry like they're the only things in the world worth living for, JJ feels like forever isn't long enough. It doesn't feel like enough time to show the profiler just how happy she's made her, how much liveliness and color she's brought to JJ's world, how she's somehow managed to turn everything into an adventure worth exploring; but JJ is sure that for as much time as she has with the profiler, she's going to make sure Emily knows just how much she loves her.

Because their jobs aren't ideal, their relationship isn't always smooth sailing, and some nights they would rather not even be in the same room let alone the same building, but no matter what, no matter what the circumstances, they always end up together again. Like magnets, no matter how hard they pull apart, they always snap right back together.

Only this time, it's forever.


	5. In the Dark I See the Truth

_**One Shot Summary**: AU, JJ, accustomed to living to living a life of solitude in the shadows, finds herself inexplicably drawn to BAU profiler Emily Prentiss.  
**Rating**: M for language and descriptions of violence._

* * *

She stood alone, her back pressed flush against the rundown and long forgotten factory building, her bright eyes scanning the desolate street. Her body leaned lazily, her arms crossed loosely against her chest, her feet crossed at the ankle; the epitome of casual disinterest. While her body language gave the impression of a lackadaisical attitude, her mind was whirring as her ears perked up, listening to the drunken conversation of frat boys, the clicking of cheap stilettos on the broken sidewalk, the distant shots of a gun being fired.

Though the only light on the otherwise empty street was the shining rays from the half-moon, her eyes glowed with an ethereal blue light, drawing in anyone who dare set their eyes upon them. Golden hair cascaded down her shoulders, curling around her tanned face as though framing the delicate features like a fine piece of artwork.

A slender finger tapped delicately on the black button down shirt she wore, her face impassively staring ahead at the stumbling and graceless steps of an intoxicated youngling.

The young man, no older than twenty-five, continued to struggle to make his way down the street, his hand raking roughly through his shaggy brown hair. "Fuck'n bitch," he slurred angrily, oblivious to the eyes that remained glued to his person.

"Tell me she can't-" the beginnings of his rant were cut off by a hiccup, his gym shoe clad feet tripping over thin air, his body only barely managing to remain upright. "Can't be w-with _me_! Shoulda taken her any-anyways, the dumb slut," he continued to shout to the empty street, not caring who heard.

Blue eyes narrowed at his final remark, but her body remained unmoving.

Finally, when the man fell to the ground, succumbing to his impaired equilibrium, he started to push himself up when his eyes caught sight of something just a short distance away.

Muddy brown eyes locked with glowing blue and all traces of anger immediately vanished from the drunkard, his body pushing off the ground as he zombie walked towards the awaiting predator.

"Hey there," he said in a daze, a smile lighting up his face as his eyes blatantly scanned her lithe frame, taking in the form fitting black dress shirt, tight blue jeans and black heels.

The crass remark that was on the tip of his tongue died once he stopped a foot in front of her, his arms falling limply to his sides while his face dropped to an expressionless, blank stare.

With a slow, graceful movement, the woman pushed off the wall she had been leaning on and with nothing more than a flick of her wrist had the man pressed firmly against the wall, her face leaning mere inches away from his pale flesh.

Her nose grazed along his neck, a slow heady inhale being the only sound she made before her tongue slipped between her lips and moved slowly along his neck. She shuddered at the salty taste combined with the faint traces of alcohol seeping from his pores. With one more slow caress of her tongue, her head reared back as elongated canines slid into the willing flesh, cutting through it like a hot knife through butter.

Blood flowed easily from the wound, gushing from the pierced jugular vein into her awaiting mouth. Her fingers tightened around his shoulders, digging into his skin as she greedily drank all the liquid she could.

When the last of it trickled into her mouth, her hands released his slumped body as though it were mere trash, dropping the dead weight to the ground before her foot reared back and slammed into his side, sending the lifeless body skidding across the sidewalk until it slammed into the corner of the entrance to an alleyway, twisting at an unnatural angle.

With nothing more than a satisfied smile, she turned on her heel and walked down the still empty street, basking in the moonlight glow and relishing in the warmth that always accompanied a fulfilling feed.

* * *

Days passed and yet the routine remained the same; it was monotonous but it had been so set into stone that it was hard to imagine going about things differently. Sure, the exiguous details changed, maybe it wasn't drunks, maybe it was criminals, maybe it was just the next unfortunate person to cross her path or maybe it was daring and in the middle of a crowd. Whatever rush she could get, whatever _feelings_ she could evoke always changed the players or the settings but never the game.

Days or weeks later, she couldn't be sure, but she found herself walking down the street, eyes lazily scanning the area as she listened for the next victim to fall prey to her tractor beam gaze.

A loud rumble echoed throughout the block, a flash of lightning illuminating the dark sky. The normally bright moon was cloaked by thick and dark clouds; casting the entire area into an inescapable shadow. The sound of her heels clicking on the cement reverberated off the walls, only audible between the cracks of thunder.

With a booming thud, a bolt of lightning struck down a block away, electrical wires suddenly snapping free as sparks rained down, the loose wires flailing madly as they skittered across the ground. No sooner had the wires begun to dance on the ground, bright sparks shooting from the frayed ends, did the first drops of water start to fall from the sky.

Thunder sounded all around her, the sky flashing in anger as rain started to fall harder and faster until sheets of water blanketed the area. Relentlessly the water fell, sending the blonde scattering towards dry safety.

Without a second thought, she slipped into a seemingly empty house, quickly noting the upscale interior and bountiful pieces of artwork adorning the walls. When no sounds could be heard, slowly, she crept through the house, moving from room to room, studying and inspecting every picture and decoration that crossed her path.

Her feet shuffled across the floor, the sound of her shoes hitting the hardwood flooring sounding deafening to her sensitive ears, the beads of water dropping from her soaked hair and clothing sounding like water balloons freefalling to the floor; the impact seeming loud enough to wake the dead. Despite the loudness it all created to her, she knew that the sounds of water hitting the floor and her footsteps were insignificant, barely audible.

Her eyes zeroed in on a picture, what looked like a mother and her daughter. Both women had black hair and brown eyes, their faces clearly consisting of many of the same features but what drew her in was the emptiness in their eyes.

Both eyes lacked the light that so many others held; they were dark and emotionless, not reflecting the smiles that their faces strained to show. Both of their shoulders were relaxed, the mother's arm wrapped gently around her daughters waist, her smile showing a practiced and mastered sweetness. Her daughter smiled just as easily, her pouty lips pulling into more of a smirk than anything else; her eyes guarded as they seemed to stare directly into the blonde's.

The blonde reached out, her finger tracing the contours of the daughters face, estimating her age to be somewhere around her mid twenties; her blue eyes greedily taking in every nuance of the pale woman.

While she was absorbed in the photo, she missed the creaking of the steps on the other side of the house and the sluggish steps that grew steadily louder as they descended the stairs. It wasn't until the sound of the tap running resounded that the blonde set the photo down and whirled around, pivoting on her heels before her feet blurred; her body rocketing through the house at a speed incomprehensible to the human eye. With an abrupt stop, she stood in the doorway to the kitchen, silently observing the raven haired beauty at the sink.

Sensing eyes on her, the raven haired woman turned around, feeling as though the movement were in slow motion. When her eyes landed on the blonde standing just before her, she could only stare with guarded interest; her stubborn pride refusing to reflect the sudden fear that the other woman's appearance caused.

"Who are you?" She asked steadily, mentally congratulating herself for not letting her shock show.

The blonde could only stare at the other woman in confusion, their eyes locked. Her head tilted to the side, blue eyes glowing in the dimly lit room as she willed the other woman to fall under her thrall.

"Well?" The raven haired woman asked, letting her annoyance take over her fear.

"I'm JJ" the blonde answered, her words sounding more like a question than statement.

"Is that short for something?" She wondered aloud, unsure of why she wasn't calling the cops about this woman breaking into her house.

"Jennifer," she said easily, also wondering why she was giving in to her curiosity and talking to this woman. "And you are?"

"Emily." Her eyes narrowed slightly, "What are you doing in my house?"

JJ laughed lowly, her gaze unwavering. "I needed to get out of the rain," she said, sounding as though it were the most logical and obvious reason.

Emily nodded slowly, ignoring the tone the blonde used, "And so you decided to break into my house? Haven't you ever heard of an umbrella?"

This time, JJ laughed louder, her lips pulling into one of the first genuine smiles in a long while, "An umbrella, now why didn't _I_ think of that."

"Well, I'd be happy to give you one and send you on your way," Emily offered, already moving towards the closet door where she knew at least one umbrella resided. Despite the obvious beauty that JJ emanated, Emily knew better than to let wanton lust blind her to the dangers that this woman could present.

Moving swiftly, JJ followed behind the homeowner, unsure of why she was prolonging the inevitable and curious as to why Emily didn't fall for her charms.

Just as her mouth opened to speak, Emily thrust a black umbrella into her arms before quickly swinging open the front door, "It was a pleasure to meet you Jennifer," she drawled, her signature smirk firmly in place.

A shiver rolled down JJ's spine, hearing the other woman say her name like it was something erotic, the three syllables sounding sweet and smooth as honey but the other woman's husky voice making it sound like a dirty whisper.

JJ could form no words, a rippling tingle shooting through her body, her skin crackling with sexually charged air, her blood boiling with desire that had nothing to do with the red viscous liquid pumping beneath Emily's porcelain skin.

Giving in to the pull, JJ reached out with her left hand, lightly grabbing Emily's pale hand and bringing it slowly towards her lips. Their eyes remained in a heated lock, neither one willing or capable of looking away. Finally, after a momentary pause, JJ's lips pressed to the other woman's hand; a delicious shock reverberating through JJ's lips and Emily's hand.

The contact was nothing extraordinary but the reaction it elicited from either woman was; the two strangers feeling the undeniable chemistry that clearly lingered between them.

Emily's face remained impassive, only the parting of her lips and slight intake of breath showing that she had been affected by the gesture. JJ dropped Emily's hand, her tongue flicking out and ghosting over her lips, a moan caught in her throat at the taste of the other woman.

To say it was like nothing she had ever tasted or experienced would be an understatement. Her mind screamed at her to close the distance between them, to crash their lips together and allow herself to fall into the pit of desire that Emily seemed to create.

It was only years of self-preservation that kept her from taking what she most needed. Reluctantly, JJ took a step backwards; her eyes still glued to Emily, her steps carrying her further and further away from temptation until the heavy rain obscured her view and forced her to turn her back to the house.

As JJ walked down the street, clutching the umbrella tightly in her hand and staring blankly ahead, she wondered what the strange twitch in her stomach and pain in her chest meant.

* * *

For days, try as she might, JJ was unable to rid herself of the strange sensations that continued to assault her body; her long since dormant stomach feeling as though a flurry of butterflies had been unleashed within it; her chest aching, the sensation of someone's hand crashing through her ribcage and leaving an irreparable disaster in its wake filling her chest.

When she tried to ignore the infuriating sensations, Emily's face always seemed to flash behind her eyelids; the image so vivid that JJ often found herself reaching out, always expecting her hands to come into contact with soft pale flesh and always disappointed when she grasped nothing but air.

The haunting image continued to follow her; her typically dreamless sleep was filled with Emily's face, her slender frame, toned arms, long delicate fingers, an endless amount of porcelain flesh ripe for exploring but what really got her, what continued to draw her in and make the core-rattling image worth the visceral emotions it evoked were her guarded brown eyes. The same eyes that housed a plethora of thoughts and emotions which remained cleverly hidden behind the stonewall that had been so expertly built; the very eyes that contained every shade and hue of brown known and unknown to man, but especially, the eyes that seemed to hold a secret just beyond the impenetrable wall; a piece of information that once muttered could probably rival an atomic bomb in its destructive forces.

And it's because of all that, the ghost of Emily that haunted her nonexistent soul, that JJ couldn't just pretend like her insides weren't being torn apart.

"I have to see her again," Jennifer muttered into the darkness of her home, her mind set on releasing the hold that Emily had on her; her tongue running gently over her protracted canines.

While she chose to focus on a way she could rid herself of Emily, she couldn't entirely ignore the ever-growing ache in her chest that promised an entirely different ending to her Emily problem.

* * *

Emily slipped into her house, her hand gently clutching her arm as the pain radiated through her battered limb. With an angry kick, she slammed the door closed and tried her damndest to pretend like the open and bleeding wound on her arm didn't feel as painful as it was. Even alone, the perpetual need to wear her mask when it was certain no one would be around to see it crack and crumble to the ground, she still held firm.

"Son of a bitch," she hissed, clamping down tighter on the wound, blood flowing steadily down her arm and oozing between her fingers.

The sound of her bare feet padding across the floor echoed in the empty house, the dripping of her blood muted by the buzzing in her ears and the adrenaline bounding through her veins.

Slipping into the bathroom, her hand deftly switched on the lights, casting the room in a bright white fluorescent lighting.

With careful movement, Emily slipped her arm out of her shirt, ignoring the sting of pain as the sweat and blood soaked material rubbed against her open wound. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," she vented angrily, her teeth clenched to keep the unavoidable tears at bay. '_I will not cry because of a flesh wound. You are tougher than that Emily. Pull it together!_' the raven haired woman mentally berated herself, unwilling to succumb to the pain.

Standing clad in a sports bra and jeans, she examined the darkening bruise on her stomach, covering the right half of her abdomen. Gently, she prodded at it with her index finger, running her finger along the border of her taught muscles, taking small comfort in the lack of pain that the movement caused.

"Well, that doesn't look very sexy," Emily joked halfheartedly to her reflection, hoping the deflection would take away from the still present anger and pain. Though she was distinctly aware of how little of an effect that would have because when she allowed herself to feel these things, she clung to them like a dog would a bone.

And at that moment, seeing the annoying red liquid dripping down her arm and the ugly bruise that marred her flesh, the bountiful scars that littered her body like a map of unhappy moments in her life, she couldn't help but wallow in the emotional overflow.

It was always so easy to block out the emotions, the anguish, but when she let them out of their box and they washed over her, the waves would always grow out of control and without fail they pulled her under the current. And Emily was left with the feelings flooding her body, setting her blood on fire, her brain refusing to stop its relentless repeats of the actions that led to her emotional drowning, and her body rigid, coiled and tight; always ready for a fight.

"I should have been better," Emily muttered to herself, glancing down at the graze on her arm with a slight frown.

Shaking the loop of alternatives that might have left her wound free, she sighed and started wiping down her arm, ignoring the sting of the alcohol as it invaded the deep gash.

Her lips pressed together in a firm line, a needle sterilized and threaded with ease from years of practice, before the piece of metal slid into her flesh. The feeling of the needle passing through was never a pleasant one but it was a welcomed distraction from the pain.

One hand pinched together the edges of the laceration while the other continued to pass the needle through the red and angry flesh until the wound had been sealed shut. Tired and a little drowsy from the ordeal, a dab of Neosporin was placed haphazardly on a gauze pad before it was lazily slapped onto the stitched wound and taped into place.

She popped three painkillers and set off to find her bed, uncaring of the mess she had made or the blood trail that would no doubt stain the floors.

The last thing Emily remembered before pulling the covers up and falling into a much needed slumber was a flash of blonde hair and familiar hungry blue eyes.

* * *

JJ stalked down the street, enjoying the eerie shadows that played across the ground; basking in the silence that always seemed to follow her.

Her smile that had previously adorned her face slid off in an instant, her feet stopping at the threshold of Emily's house when the stark realization of where she was suddenly hit home. Her face hardened, her beautiful features morphing into an angry and predatory scowl, her teeth slightly bared as if hoping to cut down on the time spent around the captivating woman.

The door opened with ease, the locks picked with no effort, and JJ strolled into the home with an air of ownership and entitlement that no normal person could possess. The blonde quickly shut the door, making sure to remain as quiet as possible.

Just as she started to move towards the steadily thumping heartbeat just a floor above her, she noticed the burgundy liquid that peppered the floor.

With a measure of weakness JJ wasn't aware she had, she dropped to her knees and wiped a finger through the perfectly round droplet. It astounded her how little restraint she possessed when the copper scent hit her nostrils, her lack of decorum increased tenfold when the blood dipped digit immediately entered her mouth.

The bouquet of flavors that had her taste buds exploding would have caused her knees to buckle had she not already been steadily perched on the ground. A savage and carnal moan seized in her throat, blue eyes rolling to the back of her head in pure unadulterated pleasure.

Intoxicated by the taste and smell, JJ found herself crawling along the ground, eagerly lapping up the dark liquid that sent rolling waves of pleasure through her body, the gratifying sensation feeling as though it were reaching her on even a cellular level.

Each taste brought her closer and closer to her target; her body greedily and eagerly drinking the blood from Emily, following the droplets to her intended prize almost like a breadcrumb trail made especially for her.

When the trail led to the bathroom, JJ bypassed the room entirely, opting instead to follow her nose to the source of the blood.

JJ stopped in the doorway, watching with spellbound interest as Emily collapsed onto the bed, her hand languidly pulling the covers up to her neck as her head snuggled further into the pillows, an adorably small yawn passing between her lips.

Without another thought, JJ stepped further into the room, needing to see the other woman more closely. For a brief second, she registered that Emily's eyes hadn't quite closed yet but before she could even fathom a reaction, those mesmerizing brown eyes disappeared behind heavy eyelids and Emily was dead to the world.

"What _are_ you?" JJ whispered into the room, her eyes fluttering shut at the concentrated scent that could only be described as pure Emily.

Taking another step forward, her hand hovered just above raven haired woman's face, her fingers itching to make contact. Hesitantly, her index finger traced Emily's jaw line, making its way around her face until she found herself outlining perfectly luscious pink lips.

JJ's head tilted in contemplation, her finger lightly touching the other woman's nose before making its way up to her hairline and raking through soft black locks. "Is this how others feel when I'm around?" The blonde questioned, beyond curious if this magnetism was what captivated her prey and brought them helplessly to her feet.

Cupping Emily's face with her hands, she leaned in closer so their noses touched, her lips hovering just above the slumbering woman's kissable lips. Giving in to temptation, she closed the small gap and let their lips collide in a soft and tender kiss, soaking up the extraordinary buzz that overtook her.

If her blood was intoxicating, Emily's lips were so much better and addictive. The moment JJ let their lips brush, all plans of draining the other woman vanished. The blonde was now fully aware that she would forever be unable to harm the peacefully sleeping woman; selfishly incapable of denying herself the chance to experience all that Emily had to offer.

It was the thrill of their brief skin contact that made JJ realize what the fluttering in her stomach and the aching in her chest was. She felt _something_ for Emily, and though all logic suggested that such an immediate response and connection was utterly impossible, the fact of the matter was that something had been forged between them. It seemed like the moment that their eyes connected and she realized that Emily was unlike anyone she had ever encountered before, things had been set into motion that the blonde was loathe to ignore or put a stop to.

It was crazy on so many levels; to have herself falling for someone with an expiration date, someone who was basically a stranger to her and perhaps most importantly, someone who would more than likely be repulsed by the very nature of her being.

Because how could Emily not be disgusted with her when even after centuries of living with what and who she was, JJ still found herself repelled by her actions and means of survival.

"Could you ever love a monster like me?" JJ asked quietly, her azure eyes filled with an overwhelming sadness and loneliness that hadn't been acknowledged since a decade after the blonde had been turned.

Almost as if she could sense the conflict and sorrow in the blonde, Emily burrowed further into her pillow, her hand reaching out; searching. While her hand grasped at thin air, a muted sound came from the back of her throat, sounding very much like mumbled 'yes' to JJ's question.

Just as JJ started to move away, Emily's hand reached up and captured her hand, their fingers interlocking before the sleeping woman moved their joined hands toward her steadily beating heart.

Jennifer stood there somewhat awkwardly, her hand held captive and her eyes locked on the raven haired woman, a look of pure shock and awe clearly worn on her face.

Not taking another second to over think or overanalyze things, JJ quickly leapt over Emily, landing softly on the bed beside her. Her body molded into Emily's, her head resting on her bent arm as she spooned the other woman.

Her nose grazed the back of Emily's neck, allowing herself to get lost in the heady scent as she let the warmth of the other woman soak into her cooled flesh.

For the moment, she was content to bask in the feeling of normalcy and the feeling of belonging to someone; to finally feel like someone cared.

Centuries of solitude had taught her that being alone was her only option but whatever feeling Emily was evoking had her questioning it all. So lying there, JJ thought of a way she could get to know Emily and hopefully, gain more than just a night of belonging.

* * *

Emily awoke slowly, her eyes still heavy with sleep, her body finally feeling the soreness from the previous nights activities. As she untangled herself from the blankets wrapped around her and rolled out of bed, she couldn't help but glance down at her hand.

"What the…" she trailed off, flexing her hand experimentally as the tingles continued to wreak havoc on the appendage. No matter how long her fingers wiggled or how many times she opened and closed her fist, the strange feeling remained. It wasn't quite the same as her hand having fallen asleep, the pins and needles not even comparing to what was overwhelming her hand.

With one last shake, Emily tried to ignore it as best she could and went about getting ready for work.

After a shower and getting dressing, she was halfway out the door when her body froze and her head slowly turned back to the inside of her home.

Peering intently at the floor, she noticed that the drops of blood she had been too tired to clean up the night before were mysteriously gone, the wood looking just as pristine as it usually did.

"I'm going insane," she muttered, forcing herself to ignore the alarms ringing in her head that things weren't quite right, and resumed her hasty exit.

* * *

JJ waited until she was sure Emily was home, having spent the greater part of her day coming up with a plan of action that would somehow incorporate her into the raven haired beauty's orbit.

The best she could come up with was to return the umbrella Emily had given her the night they met; which was a bit lame even to her but was her only option.

Timidly, standing before the door, her knuckles rapped on the wood, her ears perking as they listened intently to the sound of bare feet moving across the room.

With an unnatural slowness that most likely was entirely in JJ's head, the door creaked open to reveal Emily in a black short sleeve V-neck shirt, a pair of well worn and hip hugging jeans accented by an off center black belt, her hair tied up in a messy ponytail and a large watch adorning her left wrist.

The smaller woman furrowed her brow for a moment before her fingers snapped, "Jennifer, right?" She asked, her voice sounding just as raspy as JJ had remembered.

"Yeah, that's right." The blond answered quickly, her head nodding in agreement as her eyes continued to drink in the lithe form of the woman before her. The temptation to just reach out and touch the soft milky white flesh was almost overwhelming, every fiber of her being wanting nothing more than to just establish _some_ _sort_ of contact. "And you're Emily, correct?" She asked unnecessarily, having had the brunette's name seared into her brain.

"Yeah, good memory," Emily said kindly, her eyes not reflecting the smile that pulled at her pink lips.

The two stood in silence for a moment, JJ unsure of what to say and Emily at a loss as to why the beautiful blonde standing on her doorstep.

"I don't mean to be rude but is there a reason for this visit?" It came out a bit harsher than Emily would have liked but she found that being blunt was often a necessity in her life. People tended to skirt around answers and questions, completely at ease with dawdling, which was something Emily loathed. From a young age she was taught that time was valuable and shouldn't be wasted; the people who found the time to stop and smell the roses were the ones who lacked ambition and direction and ended up as fry cooks or unemployed.

Later in life, she realized that taking time for herself wasn't as bad as her mother had made it seem, but the need to expedite things and keep on topic never fully left her.

JJ didn't take offense to the tone or question, seeing for herself the pure curiosity in Emily's brown eyes. "I actually stopped by to return your umbrella," she offered her rehearsed excuse and produced the object from behind her back, extending it to the brunette with a flourish. "And to see if I could show you a proper thanks for loaning it to me and not having me arrested for seeking refuge in your home."

Emily grabbed the proffered item and stared intently at it, her face holding a thoughtful expression. "Thanks," she started, her eyes not meeting JJ's, "for both returning this and the offer but you don't need to do that. This is thanks enough," she waved the umbrella gently and placed it into the rack behind the door.

"Please," JJ pleaded with a hint of desperation in her voice, "we can go grab dinner or maybe a coffee?"

Emily stared at the woman quizzically, unsure why this woman was being so persistent, especially over repaying something as trivial as borrowing an umbrella. An umbrella Emily honestly never expected to see again.

"Why is this so important to you?" The raven haired woman raised an eyebrow, her arms folding across her chest.

JJ closed her eyes and wished the words, the explanation, to come to her mind; for her not to seem like a crazy person for needing to establish some sort of a connection with a woman she barely knew. "I don't like to leave things unfinished, and right now, this," the blonde vaguely gestured between them, "feels unfinished."

Completely caught off guard, Emily furrowed her brow and tried to wrap her head around the seemingly loaded response. While she wasn't exceptionally perceptive, Emily prided herself on her ability to read other people and situations and at the moment, she could tell that this was about more than just returning an umbrella. It was about more than not pressing charges for the blonde technically breaking into her home.

Underneath the inadequate explanation behind the blonde's request, Emily sensed something much more…important. Something that intuition told her to ignore and refuse, but also something that her stubborn curiosity couldn't let her pass up.

"If I didn't know any better, I would say you were talking about more than what you claim." With her footing regained, Emily's smirk was back in its place, her mind already having been made up.

"Maybe, maybe not." JJ said mysteriously, her fingers twitching at the playful look on Emily's face. "But if you agree to dinner, I'm sure you'll know for sure."

Nodding more to herself than the other woman, Emily pursed her lips, her brown eyes suddenly unreadable as she gazed intently at the blonde.

JJ resisted the urge to shiver or squirm, the look Emily was giving her made her feel like the other woman was seeing into the depths of her soul and JJ wasn't quite sure how to feel about the electrical thrill it sent through her body.

"Alright," Emily finally said, her face slipping into its usual mask, "I can't go out tonight, but maybe tomorrow?"

The weight of what JJ thought would be rejection, suddenly lifted from her shoulders and a blinding smile engulfed her previously nervous features. "Tomorrow is great. How about eight?"

Pretending to mentally run through her schedule, Emily once again nodded slowly, "See you then."

Deciding not to push her luck, JJ just continued to smile like a loon before slowly backing down the stairs. "Can't wait," she shouted as she approached the sidewalk, her excitement clearly audible in her tone.

Emily didn't offer a response, opting instead to smile good-naturedly at the overexcited blonde before she slowly closed the door.

Choosing not to dwell on the nagging feeling of paranoia, Emily set about doing the things that her visitor had interrupted, hoping it would take her mind off of thoughts she couldn't help or change. Her qualms would either be justified or quashed; only the events of the next night would tell her.

* * *

At eight o'clock on the dot, JJ's knuckle rapped on the door of Emily's home. The better part of the day had been spent going over the various scenarios and outcomes for the night and had admittedly put her on edge though she would hardly show the other woman that.

On the inside, she was a quivering and anxious mess but on the outside, she was calm, relaxed and almost, impassive. Her actions from the previous night, her abhorrent pleas for a night with Emily had tormented her; the moment ceasing its assault on her memory. In her quiet and darkened home, she could hear the desperation that lingered just below her request, could clearly see the yearning that settled in her normally scintillating eyes.

It took only mere moments before JJ realized what had transpired; the strange fog that seemed to descend whenever she was in the presence of the other woman having successfully subsided, effectively wiping away any shred of dignity she could muster.

Pathetic. That was the word that JJ would have used to describe herself at the moment.

The blonde had spent the better part of a century having the upper hand, completely aware of the thrall she had and the power she commanded over the simpletons that surrounded her. It would only be too easy to use her baby blue eyes to draw the people in and take over the world. Of course, that would never come to fruition, but it just went to show the extent of her stature and power.

In the hierarchy of life, she was either at the top or damn near close. Humans, people like Emily, they were below her; nothing more than a means of survival and entertainment (at least for those who found pleasure in that sort of thing).

For JJ though, she spent her life on Earth simply _surviving_. Fun had been had in the early years, the decade or so where she was trying to please and find joy in what she was. It was still during her adjustment period and was to be expected.

Afterwards, though, the appeal of hunting people was lost on her. The bloodlust was suddenly gone, the faces of children and innocent people she had torn apart during her frenzied feedings started to flash before her eyes; it haunted her.

She was a _monster_ then; a rabid dog that had been unleashed on the world. But she had tamed herself and once the frothing at her mouth subsided and the red haze to her vision cleared, she could only see the destruction that lay in her wake.

Bodies littered the streets, empty eyes stared into her soul, blood coated every inch of her and the screams of her victims echoed in her ears.

The beginning of her existence in the supernatural world was unpleasant and would forever remain in her mind; always stopping her from crossing a line she vowed to never cross again.

It was because of her momentary loss of willpower that she stuck to feeding from those who deserved their deaths; she shied away from bedding others, fearful that in the heat of the moment she would steal an innocent life.

And then Emily had to walk into her life and threw a kink into a well practiced way of living, if living was what JJ could even call what she was doing.

None of that mattered though, because the raven haired woman sparked something in JJ and as much as she wanted —needed— to extinguish that ember, she couldn't. One night of paltry cuddling, where one was completely unaware of the happenings no less, and JJ was lost to her primal need for companionship.

Instincts and desires that she had brushed off and inherently banished from her mind were no longer being ignored.

It was why JJ found herself _begging_ for a chance to show Emily she was worthy of her time, why she was so adamant about inserting herself, however prominent, into the other woman's life.

With a resolve that JJ couldn't shake even if she wanted to, her knuckles once again connected with the firm wooden door. As she stood perched on the small porch, her ears perked up and honed in on the rustling of someone, she presumed to be Emily, getting dressed and milling about upstairs.

Now aware that knocking probably wasn't a great choice, she pressed her finger to the white button of the doorbell, only half listening to the methodical chiming that resounded inside the large home.

"_Fuck_," JJ heard the other woman mutter angrily before something was thrown harshly on the floor.

Foregoing another ring of the doorbell, JJ stood perfectly still, her sensitive ears picking up on Emily's quickened heartbeat and the rustling of clothes.

Not two minutes later, she could hear the woman quickly walking down the stairs and towards the door, each tumbler of the lock clicking loudly at it was unlocked.

With a sudden slowness, the door opened and JJ allowed herself the moment to drink up the sight of the other woman. Her silky raven hair still hung straight down to her shoulders, her long mascara coated eyelashes beautifully showcased her deep chocolate eyes, full pink lips were only slightly darker with lipstick but still entirely delectable and her body was something JJ didn't think there was enough time in the world to properly appreciate.

Though the mid thigh black dress Emily wore was nothing extraordinarily expensive or elaborate, it highlighted her endowed chest and slim figure; her black heels making her already long legs seem that much more endless. Looking at the woman, JJ couldn't help but wonder how the back looked considering the front looked positively divine.

"Hello Jennifer," Emily practically purred, instantly infusing a bubbling warmth into the pit of JJ's stomach. The sparkling in other woman's eyes also didn't go unnoticed by JJ.

"Emily," the blonde responded coolly, refusing to show just how little Emily had to do to affect her. "You look absolutely stunning," she complimented; the same purr being directed right back, though Emily seemed absolutely unaffected.

The other woman glanced down at her outfit, feigning as though she were unaware of having put it on, though JJ was all too aware of how flustered Emily had been before she opened the door. "Thank you, you look quite beautiful as well."

JJ wasn't quite sure how to read the other woman, the compliment seemed genuine enough but was said with such a practiced ease that the blonde found herself questioning her assessment of the woman before her.

Offering a small smile, JJ stepped aside and held her hand out for the other woman, "Shall we?"

Emily hovered in the doorway, her eyes scrutinizing the woman before her and mentally sizing her up. Something still felt off to her about JJ but she couldn't quite put her finger on it.

With a quiet sigh Emily reluctantly stepped away from her door, quickly closing and locking it before grabbing onto JJ's extended hand.

The connection was instantaneous to both women, though their reactions were entirely different.

The blonde only smiled at the familiar tingles that shot like tiny electrical bursts into her hand and up her arm, the sensation almost overwhelming in its intensity and pleasurability. But while JJ smiled, Emily frowned in obvious distrust. The sensation was not at all offensive but the familiarity of it had Emily even more on edge, her mind immediately flashing to the morning that those same tingles wreaked havoc on her hand.

The nagging suspicion that JJ wasn't everything she appeared to be still sounded in the back of her mind but as Emily stared at the woman next to her, she had a feeling that no matter what happened she was too ensnared in JJ's web to truly get away.

* * *

The restaurant they went to was ordinary in every sense of the word but it was quaint enough that it facilitated a calm atmosphere and allowed the two women the chance to talk and get to know one another.

Various photographs of celebrities adorned the walls, their inky black signatures sprawled against their headshots. Most were of celebrities from the fifties and sixties, though a few current ones stood out.

The two grabbed a booth in the back of the fairly empty diner, immediately getting approached by a waitress in a bright pink and blue apron. She set down a pair of menus before flashing a small smile and looking expectantly at the two, "Can I get you ladies somethin' to drink?"

JJ waved for Emily to go first and couldn't help her small smile as she watched the other woman straighten in her seat and flash a dazzling smile towards the slightly haggard looking waitress. "May I have some tea?"

The waitress, Jill according to her nametag, looked a little surprised at the manners but nodded nonetheless, "Sure thing," before turning her attention towards JJ.

"Just a water," JJ said, her gaze only landing for a moment on the waitress before redirecting itself towards Emily.

"Do you always talk so politely?" JJ asked when the waitress was gone, wanting to bombard the other woman with a ton more questions.

Emily stifled a laugh, her eyes momentarily averted as she pretended to mull the question over. "Sometimes I exaggerate it a bit just to see how people react but most of the time, I'm not quite _that_ well mannered. But I think it's too far engrained in me to completely disappear." She shrugged, as if to say 'what can you do?'

JJ filed that information away and tried to sort through the many questions that were fluttering around in her head. "What do you mean by too far engrained?"

This was a question that required little thought on Emily's part and while she wasn't opposed to discussing her childhood, she would have preferred to avoid the subject, at least until she knew Jennifer a little better. But, the raven haired woman figured that if she answered JJ's questions truthfully then JJ would answer hers just as honestly.

"My mother was an Ambassador so it was important that I learn proper etiquette at a young age. Manners and the ability to schmooze political figures was something she placed a great amount of importance on."

"Based on what I've seen I guess it's safe to assume that you didn't follow in your mother's footsteps and become an Ambassador, right?"

Smirking slightly, Emily shook her head and let out a quiet and throaty chuckle. "Yeah, I guess that's a safe assumption. Politics isn't something I've ever enjoyed and the moment I could step away from that, I did. At the moment, I'm working with the FBI as a profiler."

As the blonde opened her mouth to ask a question, Emily held a finger up and halted her next onslaught of inquiries.

"My turn," Emily said with a smile. "What do you do?"

JJ's mouth snapped shut and her face took on a thoughtful look, wondering what she could tell Emily about her job considering she didn't actually _have_ one.

"I'm an investor," she finally said, finding that to be at least partially true; she had spent a considerable amount of her time investing her money and building up her bank accounts.

"Huh," the profiler muttered, her eyes scanning the blonde before voicing her opinion, "I wouldn't have pegged you as an investor."

An amused look overtook JJ's face as she leaned forward on the table, "And what would you have pegged me for?"

Emily automatically leaned back, her gaze even more scrutinizing as she tried to narrow down just what she imagined the blonde to be doing. "Definitely not something with a lot of interaction with people. Not that you aren't good around others, you just don't strike me as the kind of person to enjoy crowds." Her teeth bit into her lip as she continued to eliminate ideas. "I don't think anything business related either; you seem a little too carefree to be stifled by the rules of a business oriented job."

JJ just sat there, listening as Emily narrowed down her guesses and wondering just what job she would arrive at.

"Probably not something that requires you to get dirty, though I suspect you're not totally against the idea of dirt so long as it's recreationally." Emily offered a flirty smirk before continuing, "Maybe something with little interaction but where others could see you. You strike me as the type of person who is completely aware of her beauty and if need be, has no problem using it to her advantage."

The blonde scoffed at that, feigning a wounded look but not refuting the observation; mostly because it was true. It was yet another reason she had been attracted to Emily, no one had ever resisted the pull or allure of her presence or magnetic blue eyes.

"It's tough but I'd say either a publicist or maybe a spokesperson of some sort but definitely someone who occasionally needs to get in front of the camera and who can bend the public to her will." Emily still had a thoughtful look on her face before it smoothed out and she added, "If that doesn't work out, I'm fairly certain you've got enough money in your bank account where you wouldn't need to work a day in your life." And suddenly a wide smile blossomed on her face and she couldn't hide the smug look in her eyes as she stared at the blonde.

JJ, who had listened intently as Emily whittled away at the prospective jobs, couldn't help but outright laugh at the final conclusion. There had actually been a time in her life when JJ had seriously considered doing something along the lines of consulting or maybe a liaison of some sort. She had always prided herself on her ability to communicate with others and her innate ability to say things without actually saying anything.

Of course, there was also the fact that Emily had correctly guessed that JJ hadn't really worked at all, having an insurmountable amount of money in her bank account.

"Wow," JJ breathed, "those definitely sound better than a lowly investor."

Emily chuckled, but didn't offer any other comments.

Just then, the waitress showed up and placed the drinks on the table before pulling out her notebook. "Have you gals decided on what you'd like to order or should I give you a few more minutes?"

"I'll take the breakfast special," Emily said breezily as she handed over the laminated menu.

JJ, not entirely pleased about having to actually _eat_ went for the least stomach churning food. "I'll take the BLT sandwich with a salad instead of fries."

Jill nodded, her pen scribbling furiously across her notepad, "What kind of dressing do you want on your salad?"

"Ranch is fine."

"Alrighty, I'll be back with your orders in a little bit." And with that, the waitress was gone, disappearing behind the doors leading to the kitchen, leaving Emily and JJ alone once again.

"Okay, back to our round of twenty one questions," JJ said excitedly, her hands rubbing together as she smiled widely.

"Twenty one questions?" Emily queried, her eyebrow hitched up in question. "I wasn't aware we were playing."

JJ's grin turned into a sly smile, "Well, I figured twenty one questions sounded better than me admitting to flinging questions at you mercilessly."

Shaking her head in agreement, Emily tilted her head to the side and offered a lopsided smile, "Can't argue with you there."

"Okay, so you've told me your mom was an Ambassador, so that means you aren't originally from here, correct?"

"Yeah, most of my childhood was spent moving across Europe. I only recently moved here and that was only because I was offered the profiling job for the BAU."

"Do you miss travelling?" JJ asked, her abundance of curiosity evident in the way she gazed at Emily, her expression one of earnest interest.

Emily shrugged lightly, her shoulders bobbing up and down as she took a slow and measured sip of her tea. "Sometimes, but even when my mother was posted there, I didn't do much sightseeing. Most of my time was split between extracurriculars and school, so there isn't much to miss about it."

Then, Emily's eyes lit up for a second as she leaned on the table, her voice lowering an octave as though she were telling JJ a secret she had never told another soul before. "But when I was younger, right after I graduated college, I took a year off and just explored the world. I would stand in the airport and just pick a random destination and spend the next few weeks there. Sometimes, when I was particularly anxious, I would ask for a ticket on the next plane out of the place. It was some of the most fun I've ever had and though there were some occasional kinks, I thought the freedom of it was exhilarating."

Sitting there, JJ couldn't help but mirror Emily's wide smile, seeing firsthand how happy the memories were making the profiler. It was clear from her expression and the excited way she described it, that Emily had truly enjoyed that year of freedom and unplanned travelling.

"What about you?" Emily asked, her gaze expectant as she smiled encouragingly, "Have you travelled much?"

"Actually, yeah, I have. I was never brave enough to just pick the places at random but I did spend a few years just travelling abroad and getting a feel for the different cultures and ways of living. I always figured the world was too big of a place and too diverse to just stay in the States."

For the next couple of hours, the two sat in the diner, eating their food and talking about their pasts, their interests and asking whatever question that popped into their heads.

It was strange for Emily to admit, but she couldn't deny the pull she felt while she was sitting across from JJ. There was something so dangerous and yet alluring about the blonde that Emily found herself needing to know more and wanting to spend more time around her.

It was something so much stronger than attraction and even on the most basic of levels, Emily felt like there was an undeniable connection between them.

That connection was almost overwhelming, but in the best sense of the word.

* * *

The two stayed in the diner, talking and nursing their drinks until the waitress told them the place was closing and nicely hinted at them to leave.

"I'm going to go wait outside and get some fresh air," Emily told JJ, resting her hand lightly on the blonde's shoulder and she hiked her thumb towards the diner entrance.

JJ nodded in acknowledgement, "Alright, I'll settle the bill and meet you out there."

The moment Emily stepped outside, she could hear a faint groaning coming from the alleyway just beside the diner.

The profiler in her and more accurately, the law enforcer in her, had her walking towards the sound and offering assistance before she even realized what she was stepping in to.

As soon as her feet hit the darkened part of the alley, a hand clamped down on her mouth and an muscular arm wrapped around her midsection. She was lifted into the air and brought behind a dumpster, the hand not covering her mouth then started to attempt to grope her body.

Not one to go down without a fight, Emily slammed her heel down on his foot and immediately swung her elbow into his gut before whirling around and backing away from him.

"Oh, sweetie, you are gonna regret doing that," he snarled before lunging towards Emily, his hands outstretched as he tried and failed to grab her.

Emily rocked backwards on her heels, her hands positioned in front of her face to block any punches he might try to aim there. "I don't think you realize how badly you're about to be beaten," Emily growled, her heels only slightly hindering her movement, but she had no doubt that she could easily take this guy.

"It's not me who's about to be beaten, you stupid dyke," he spit venomously at her, his face twisting into one of deranged fury as he crudely cupped his genitals, "I'm gonna fuck the gay right outta you and by the time I'm done, you'll be beggin' for more."

Emily's eyes flashed dangerously, her fists clenching tighter, "If you wanted a fuck all you had to do was say so," the profiler spat back, "there plenty of glass bottles lying around here that I would have no problem shoving up your ass you homophobic asshole."

Just as he lunged forward again and Emily braced herself to dodge the attack and cold cut him, suddenly there was a flash of blonde hair and JJ was standing before her with the man standing immobile before them.

JJ's open hand smacked into his face, her movement slow and precise but done with the ease and effort of a person swatting at a fly. The man flew backwards, landing with a thud on the ground, his eyes narrowed in anger and he regained his senses and jumped to his feet.

Emily stood there, wondering just how JJ had gotten there so quickly and how a simple slap could have sent someone flying so far back into the alley. Just as she reached out to grab JJ, the blonde was gone and Emily was left grabbing at thin air.

JJ's hands were around his neck in a matter of moments, the blonde's world fading in and out of focus as she let her instincts take over. She was simultaneously aware and yet completely unaware of the things going on around her; in the back of her mind she registered the look of horror on Emily's face, the sounds of the people milling about on the street, the voices of otherwise preoccupied civilians. It was all there, in her mind, but it was being stored like data on a computer; logged for future reference but presently unavailable for review.

When the world slows down and the threat is gone, when her mind has nowhere to wander and nothing else to preoccupy itself with, she'll let the film play, let the data flash upon the screen of her mind and only then will she fully absorb what's transpired–only then will the gravity of what she's done hit her like a speeding truck on the highway.

But in the moment, her teeth are bared; her refulgent cerulean eyes glaring heatedly, the hatred and venom making them even more pronounced; no outside influence able to penetrate the defensive instinct to protect what's so clearly _hers_.

JJ tosses him backwards and watches with fascination and glee as he stumbles but maintains his balance.

The drunk stands there, his eyes wide and disbelieving as they zero in on the sharpened and protracting canines. His angry drunken stupor is quickly replaced with fear, his pupils dilating as the reality of his situation begins to sink in. Human nature begins to settle inside of him, a force that no amount of debilitating alcohol can ever truly extirpate and his fear of the predator before him makes his legs wobble with the need to run.

It doesn't matter that the scenario seems like something out of a horror story, that what he sees shouldn't be something that actually _exists_, because it's staring him right in the face and his mind is busy directing all thought towards survival and not the implausible creature before him because at the moment, he only needs to know that he is at a distinct disadvantage and the odds don't seem to be in his favor.

"St-stay a-a-away," he sputters, his right arm angled towards the menacing blonde, his tattooed cross foolishly displayed as he waits for her recoil—as he hopes to vanquish the demon-like creature that stands before him.

JJ stands there; her feet firmly planted on the ground as she stares disbelievingly at the man, unsure if he truly believed that weak attempt at repelling her would work. The cross has no effect on her, the shoddy looking tattoo work just making him seem more repulsive and repugnant.

Her teeth are displayed even more prominently when she smiles menacingly, the promise her darkened look displays plainly is clearly discerned by the man; "Doesn't work," she taunts, only enhancing and prolonging his state of terror.

"I'm a man of faith," he whispers hoarsely, conviction in his words despite his previous actions and the trembling of his body.

"A man of faith?" JJ questions incredulously, her eyes widening comically as she stares uncomprehendingly at the disgrace before her. "You think a 'man of faith' would try to force himself on a woman? Would disregard her pain and freedom just so he could experience a moment of sick and twisted pleasure?" Her voice is full of fury, her fingers carelessly quoting in the air at his declaration of status. "You aren't a man of faith; you are a pathetic piece of trash that isn't even fit to wear the pitiful version of the cross that covers your disgusting flesh."

Within the blink of an eye, she's standing in front of him again, the moonlight casting an eerie glowing mask upon her perfect face. Blue eyes blaze, nostrils flare in furor, her hand wrapped tightly around his tattooed bicep.

Without another thought, her nails rake painfully through the ink stained into his flesh, distorting the holy image before it disappears completely, hidden behind the river of blood that cascades over it.

Her eyes close while her head tilts upwards, the bouquet of aroma's flooding her sensitive nose, the wild pain filled screams of the true monster before her making the smell all that much more enjoyable.

Behind her, Emily watches in disgusted fascination, hating herself for not being able to turn away and seek refuge in a place where the woman before her can no longer find her. It nauseates her to stand there and watch the scene unfold; incapable of making even the slightest move to help the man or put a stop to the gruesome game the blonde is clearly beginning to play.

And then JJ's head snaps down, her gaze leveled on the pained one of her victim, uncaring of the torment he's experiencing. Her nails, sharp and deadly, release his arm only to slash mercilessly through the tender flesh of his neck.

Emily and JJ both watch, different expressions on their face, as the red lines slowly appear. His mouth opens and closes, his brain not comprehending the turn of events but knowing he's fighting a losing battle.

The lines start to grow more prominent, the red liquid beginning to seep out and drip into the line below it until the lines themselves are no longer distinguishable. The blood flowing steadily out and down his neck, dripping down his shirt and onto the ground; the pounding of his heart making his life drain just that much faster.

Emily stands there horrified; JJ watches her prey intently, completely under the spell of the blood.

The smell of copper hangs heavily in the air, making Emily's stomach churn and her knees wobble. Her brain deals in facts, in logic, but everything about her night is far from logical. Things are categorized and put into neat and tidy boxes, sorted and filed away. But she can't understand what her eyes have just seen, can't find a box that would explain how JJ's teeth were suddenly growing and elongating, can't explain how the blonde had gone from pleasant company to a deranged killer with a blood fetish.

It sickens her that she can only stand there and stare, feeling very much like the prey that quivers before the predator—wondering if it's had its fill or is about to seek further sustenance from another source.

And JJ looks every bit like the predator, her face a warning sign to anyone who sets eyes on it, her body language screaming that she isn't someone to be rivaled, her blood soaked fingers acting as the war paint that shows her savagery.

If Emily weren't so frozen, she would take note on the way that the shadows play around the blonde's body. Masking her face in the bright white light of the moon while casting dark shadows just around her back, making her look like the angel of death she is.

But Emily is stuck in the present and she can understand nothing more than the fact that the woman who broke into her house to seek refuge from the rain, the woman who returned her umbrella, the woman whom she just spent the better part of the night sitting across from, just killed a man with nothing but a swipe of her hand.

A conflict is warring within her, the need to understand the woman before her is in direction violation with her duty to protect and put away killers. Her life, while empty and obscure, follows a strict set of rules, a code by which she lives by. It provides her with structure and a means to get through her life without flying off the handle; it's the backbone to an otherwise gelatinous structure. It makes the mask hold firm, keeps the emotions and trivialities at bay, makes the world appear in color instead of dull and faded colors; it keeps her _living_.

And JJ has thrown a kink into things because the woman has piqued Emily's interest like no other could, she has dug her murderous claws into the profiler's psyche and Emily had no reason to shake them loose. But now, seeing JJ with teeth bared and a clear lust for blood in her eyes, blood dripping from her delicate fingers, Emily can't force this into a box, can't understand what she's seeing, can't even _begin_ to process this turn of events.

So she stands there dumbly, forcing the cogs in her head to turn and digest the information. If she has any hope of making it out of this with some semblance of her sanity intact, she needs to process what she can before seeking refuge and picking it all apart only to neatly place them into their appropriate and respective boxes. To compartmentalize what she is unable to truly grasp.

JJ for her part stands still, the thrill of the kill washing over her like hot water, relaxing each and every one of her taught and coiled muscles. Her breaths are long and deep, the smell of blood snorted like the drug that it is, the euphoria it brings only serves to push her further to the brink.

Her world is spinning out of control and the feeling is delicious, her hands clench as the drying blood trickles down, the thickening liquid squishes faintly, and JJ's smile softens at the sound. Her eyes flutter for the briefest of moments as she allows herself to soak up all that she can without actually _tasting_ the liquid that stains her skin. The last shred of humanity that lies within refuses to let her succumb to her baser needs, to stick her tongue out and lap at the viscous liquid and rejoice in the meager sustenance and pleasure it would provide.

Her morals hold strong, she refuses to let any part of that filth into her body, refuses to allow any of his blood to enter her. He isn't worthy and JJ wouldn't want to taint herself with the disgusting life source that kept his pigheaded and vile life going. She is adamant in the sliver of virtue she still possesses, unwilling to bend that last piece of her to the monster within.

JJ is, however, ignorant to the dilemma the woman behind her finds herself in. For JJ, she is content to bask in good service she feels she's just done, to enjoy the feeling of _protecting_ something that is undeniably _hers_. Emily though, is faced with the stark realization that she really has no idea who the blond woman before her is, that what she has just now learned in no way leaves anything to be desired. A murderer, a criminal and perhaps most importantly, dangerous; her nature is a whole other thing that Emily can't even begin to unravel but what she knows for certain at this point makes it clear what her only option is.

And she doesn't hesitate to make it.

Her body is turning and she finds herself walking away from the alley, her feet carrying her as her mind tries to keep up. She was paralyzed with fear before but now, she simply feels numb.

Seconds, minutes, hours, she can't be sure how much time has passed but she finds herself at home, changed into a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt, her skin raw and red from the merciless scrubbing and scalding hot water from her shower. Thinking if she could just scrub hard enough, could bathe in water hot enough, that the filth and shame that covers her body like a thick slime would miraculously be washed away.

But Emily didn't save that man, she didn't arrest him, and she certainly didn't do anything but watch JJ slash his throat open with nothing more than her fingers, so the profiler knows that all the scrubbing and hot water in the world won't rid her of the shame that clings so effortlessly to her skin. That nothing can wipe away the smudge that stains her already sullied soul.

Her mind remains stuck on a loop; every question she answers leads only to more questions and Emily isn't sure she can bear to process any more. With a sense of mental defeat, she leans against the door of her bedroom, her breaths coming in deep and slow as she tries and fails to regain some semblance of her sanity.

Just as she pushed off the door and started to make her way towards the kitchen, a blur off to her right made her stop dead in her tracks. Quickly, she whirled around and came face to face with the person–thing? creature?– that she most wanted to escape.

"What are you doing here?" Emily said harshly, using her abundant amounts of anger to cover the sliver of fear that froze her blood. Before her stands something that she couldn't quite get a read on, that she couldn't quite figure out and it was not only threatening but it also shook her to the core.

"Emily," JJ said slowly, almost as though she were talking to an animal that would spook and run away the first chance it got–which wasn't too far from the truth at the moment. "Emily I'm not going to hurt you," the blonde said quietly, her hands held out in an attempt to show she meant no harm.

Emily automatically backed up, her back colliding with the wall as she tried to keep an eye on the threat that stood in her house. "Just go away, Jennifer. I don't know what the hell you are, I don't know why you came here but if you don't leave I'm not going to hesitate to arrest you or shoot you." Her voice wavered ever so slightly before she forced her mask back into place and focused all her years of practice into withdrawing herself from the situation emotionally.

The process took no more than a second but the damage had been done. Emily's eyes were dull, her shoulders and back straightened, her face hardened and unreadable.

"Emily," JJ repeated again, almost believing that if she said the other woman's name enough that she could somehow erase all the things the profiler had seen. "I can explain if you'll just let me."

A loud, derisive snort echoed in the otherwise quiet room, Emily's face suddenly twisted into an angry sneer. "Explain yourself?" She questioned disbelievingly, her eyes conveying just how crazy the idea was. "I don't need you to explain yourself," the profiler spat with nothing short of utter disgust in her voice.

"I don't need you to explain how you _killed_ a man because I had the distinct honor of watching you do it." She snarled sarcastically, her features distorting as she tried to alleviate the shame and guilt that weighed heavily on her because of her inaction. "I don't need you to explain why you felt the need to track me down and _explain_ why that killing was _justified_. What I _do_ need is for you to leave my house and never come back."

JJ recoiled, her eyes wide as she took an unsteady step backwards. Her world was spinning out of control and she wanted nothing more than to explain but there was little, if anything, that could be said to rectify what she had done; what she had unknowingly let Emily see.

She felt no remorse for the kill, that feeling had been gone for so long, but she did feel remorse for making Emily witness it. She hated that her savage nature took over and she killed with reckless abandon, unable to care that Emily had witnessed the beast within.

The blonde was faced with two distinct options; grant Emily's wish and leave or stay and try to explain what and who she was.

JJ was a selfish creature by nature, only a few nights into her new life and she had realized that the world bowed down before her—that the people and world around her bent to _her_ will. It had been centuries with that attitude, and no matter how much she wanted to grant Emily her wish, nature was always a hard thing to battle.

And JJ was so very, very, selfish; so it only made sense that she would fight to make Emily understand.

"I'm a monster, I know that," JJ said quietly, weighing her words carefully as she stared despondently at the floor, "and I know you think the same because I can see it in your eyes." She furrowed her brow and tried to organize the many thoughts fluttering around in her head.

There were so many things she needed to say, so many things that would make Emily see why she had to do the things she did, why she was the way she was and most certainly why Emily couldn't give up hope that some part of JJ was worth getting to know.

"I have been this way for a very long time, Emily," JJ started, her eyes growing distant as they continued to stare at the floor, "and I don't think I could change even if I wanted to. I'm too set in my ways to be successful."

Emily stared blankly at the blonde, refusing to let her anger ebb at the sadness that filled JJ's voice.

"When I was growing up," she started slowly, having never found anyone worthy or interested enough to tell her story to, "I was the daughter who was a constant disappointment. My mother expected me to stay home, to find a good man to marry, bear a bunch of children and be content to just serve my husband and kids."

JJ lifted her head up slowly, her eyes distant and full of emotion as she dared to meet Emily's eyes. Memories were swirling within those blue eyes and no matter how badly Emily wanted to look away, to tear her gaze away from the tormented one before her—she couldn't.

"She thought me crazy for wanting to see the world, for wanting to experience everything the world had to offer. I had spent my entire life in a Podunk, middle of nowhere little town and I was fed up with it; I just wanted to go some place where I didn't see the same people every day, where I wasn't expected to marry a man who wanted me solely for my looks and couldn't even fathom a life beyond work and getting married." JJ's voice was steadily rising, her pent up frustrations from her earlier years finally getting their much needed outlet.

There was so much passion in her words that Emily couldn't quite bring herself to say anything. Realistically, there wasn't much she _could_ say to something of that magnitude, though she could certainly relate. Both women had been oppressed but it was obvious that it was in different ways and affected them both very differently.

For Emily, it was a character flaw, a frustrating burden, that she refused to succumb to and instead used it to fuel her. It was the expectations that were placed on her that made her want to be in law enforcement, it was that oppression that made her strive to prove herself and landed her a job in the BAU.

But from what she could see of JJ, it was clear that they had forked off and taken different roads.

Oblivious to the dawning of realization on Emily's face, JJ continued on. Her eyes were glazed over, the blues of her eyes drastically faded as she stared unseeingly.

"But I was a woman in a time where the only opinion that mattered was a man's and your parent's word was law. My mother thought she knew best, she thought that by forcing me into a loveless marriage that I would get my head out of the clouds and give up my dreams of seeing the world." JJ gave a dry bark of laughter, her nose crinkling in distaste as she remembered a particularly cruel encounter with her mother.

"But I was a wild horse and refused to be tamed. It didn't matter anyway; my mother was only doing it to save face because her true pride and joy was my sister. That didn't stop her from trying to break me though," JJ said bitterly, "and it didn't stop her from finding a man who wasn't afraid to put a woman in her place even if it was by force."

Emily stared at the woman before her, watching as her features clouded with anger and her emotions seemed to shift from sadness to full-fledged fury. "I was determined and stubborn, even back then I knew that wasn't exactly a good thing but it was part of who I was and I refused to change. I fought tooth and nail against my marriage to William LaMontagne Jr. but in the end my struggles were in vain."

JJ blinked slowly, her breaths coming in raggedly as her fists clenched tightly at her side, the sound of her teeth grinding being the only other sound in the room. "We married in the month of August and I hated every moment of it. My life went downhill the second I became a LaMontagne."

In a flash, JJ's shirt was gone and she stood directly in front of Emily, moving faster than the profiler could even register.

It took everything Emily had not to let her eyes roam over the bare torso–save for the bra–and drink in the deliciously firm and taught musculature of her abdominals. Instead, she focused on JJ's face, trying to read the many emotions that were flashing across it.

Slowly, with care she hadn't shown anyone, JJ delicately grabbed Emily's hand and placed it on the right side of her ribcage, letting the profiler adjust to the cold temperature of her skin before speaking again. "Some nights, I can still feel the jutting edges of my ribs and feel the phantom pains as they pressed against my skin. I can feel the pain in my chest as I struggled to breathe and sometimes, I can see the outlines of the bruises that littered my flesh."

Again, JJ moved Emily's hand, this time moving it towards the lower part of her stomach, just over her belly button. "Sometimes he would hit me just because he could; it was his way of showing he was the one in control. More often than not he would hit me right here." Her voice faltered for a moment, her face twisting in pain as her abdominal muscles tightened and her hand gripped Emily's just a fraction more. "I hate that after all these years I can still feel his fist slamming into my stomach, that I can feel the way the pain spread outward and sent me sprawling on the ground wondering if that breath was going to be my last."

Unable to stand the pain that so cruelly distorted JJ's face, Emily tentatively reached her free hand up and tenderly cupped the blonde's face, offering what comfort she could without verbally saying it.

JJ smiled forlornly, her eyes tortured and sad as she looked at the woman before her. "One night after Will had had his fill of exerting his aggressions on me, I decided to leave. I was tired of being his punching bag, of being a woman who couldn't think for herself and was forced into a life she hated. When I left, I didn't even bother cleaning myself up. I walked out of our house with nothing more than the bloodied clothes on my back and my determination."

"But it seemed fate was bound and determined to make my life difficult. The moment I made it to the secluded streets leading out of town I was grabbed from behind and thrown into the woods." JJ's brow furrowed as she struggled to remember all the details that led up to her transformation. "I remember the fear of not knowing what was happening, the nagging thought that William had found me was running relentlessly through my mind. And then I felt it."

Emily stood firm, her eyes wide as she waited with bated breath from the next words.

"It was a pain like no other. It felt like someone was trying to rip my throat out, my skin was on fire and I was torn between screaming in agony and succumbing to the numbness that was quickly spreading through my limbs. The last thing I remember is a cold coppery liquid running down my throat before I passed out."

"I take it you didn't wake up as the same person," Emily mused quietly, her gaze scrutinizing and filled with disbelief as she tried to keep her expression closed off. This was the part that she had the hardest time believing because it defied all forms of logic.

"No, no I didn't," JJ said just as quietly, her gaze once again downcast as she stepped away from Emily and pulled her shirt back on. "I woke up a monster, a bloodthirsty and uncaring monster. The man who did it taught me what he could and left me to my own devices. So I took that as a sign to explore the world like I had wanted to; except along the way I left destruction and a pile of dead bodies in my wake."

Emily couldn't handle the conflicting emotions that seemed to overtake her. A part of her sincerely believed JJ wasn't the monster she had witnessed earlier, the sorrow that showed in her eyes and voice when she talked about her past made that extremely clear but she also couldn't get past how easily it was for JJ to take a man's life.

It also didn't help that every time their skin came in to contact she could feel a tingling warmth spreading throughout her body. The sensation was strange and altogether unfamiliar and Emily didn't know how to interpret it.

She also couldn't help but feel like no matter how angry and disgusted she felt with JJ's behavior and lifestyle, she would always find a way to justify it. Even as she stood there listening to her story, she found herself forgiving JJ's earlier actions. In a way it made sense that the blonde would snap and attack a man who was clearly a predator, it also made sense that in a way, JJ thought she was protecting Emily from an obvious threat.

The whole situation was more than confusing to Emily and she was reluctant to admit that no matter how badly she wanted JJ gone; there was a tether between them that would always draw her back towards the blonde. Even knowing her for as short a time as she did, Emily couldn't shake the feeling that there was more at play than just JJ wanting to explain her side of the story.

It felt like there was a connection that neither woman would ever be able to fully break. And that scared Emily more than the woman who stood before her.

"I'm not the same as I was back then," JJ said softly, remorse dripping from each word as her eyes begged Emily to believe her. Slowly, the blonde took another step forward and clasped Emily's hand between her own, "I'm not who I want to be, not fully, but I'm far from the savage I was. I want to be worthy," she whispered, her face leaning closer to Emily's as she tried to show just how much she meant those words.

And before Emily had time to react or even contemplate pushing the blonde away, their lips were pressed together.

Emily's mind was a complete blank as she let the impromptu kiss overtake her. Her eyes slid closed, her hands dug into JJ's hair and she pulled the other woman as close as humanly possible, her kiss growing almost desperate as she clung to the passion that overwhelmed her.

This was the kiss that romance novels write about, the kind of kiss that while somewhat clumsy at first builds into something so great it has fireworks going off behind closed eyes. It made Emily knees wobble and her head fuzzy.

And the feeling of losing control, of allowing herself to get lost in something that was so much bigger than her snapped the profiler back to reality like a bucket of cold water. JJ was all consuming and the profiler knew beyond a doubt that if she let her, JJ had the power to destroy her with nothing more than her lips and the passion that burned in her azure eyes.

Pushing away from the blonde and stumbling backwards, she channeled all of her anger and ignored the painful ache that burned her chest. She couldn't let the fire that was Jennifer swallow her up; it just wasn't a possibility. Though a part of her recognized that her fight was in vain; Emily had already been consumed and no matter what, she would end up surrendering to the pull no matter how much she struggled.

But she wasn't willing to acknowledge that part of her mind and so she turned an accusing finger towards the blonde and ignored the voice in her head that screamed at her to admit defeat and stop fighting whatever the hell was happening. "You expect me to believe you're not the same as you were back then? You killed a man in cold blood and it sure as hell looked like you _enjoyed_ it!" Emily accused, her face twisting into a scowl as she leveled a heated glare towards the blonde, instinctively taking a step away.

"I didn't have a conscience back then Emily, I killed children, parents, criminals, innocents—I didn't judge I just killed. I couldn't have cared less if they deserved it or not, I just wanted the blood that pumped through their veins." JJ said just as heatedly, taking a menacing step towards the profiler. "But I don't kill with reckless abandon anymore. I pick and choose who deserves it and the man I killed earlier definitely deserved it."

"You aren't God, Jennifer," Emily spat angrily, no longer taking any steps backward as she forced herself to stand her ground. "You might think you are because you have heightened senses and you've lived longer but you aren't anything but a _killer_. That man today may have been a bad person, he may have had evil intentions but that doesn't give you the right to decided whether or not his life is forfeit."

JJ laughed bitterly, all traces of her sorrow gone as she defended her nature against Emily's attacks. "I have never claimed to be God but when a man leers at women, makes crude comments and tries to _force_ himself onto them I act accordingly. When they act like savages without a hint of humanity then I am fully entitled to take action."

Emily's head shook steadily, her hair tumbling around her shoulders as she snorted at the cocky attitude. "You're no better than your victims," she said calmly, only a hint of disgust beneath her words, "in fact, you might be worse. At least they wear what they are; they don't hide like you do. Instead you pretend like you're doing the world some great justice by torturing and killing people you deem worthy of it but you're nothing more than a demented killer." The profiler took a step forward, invading JJ's personal space without a second thought, her face filled with simmering rage, "You enjoy killing them, you enjoy feeding from them and you especially love that you can hide behind some made up act of morality."

The blonde could only stare as Emily spat the words venomously at her, her own mind reeling as she struggled between lashing out and taking whatever was to be dished to her.

"That's not even getting started on the fact that you're a fucking vampire," Emily ranted, too wrapped up in her cloud of anger to really discern what was tumbling from her mouth like vomit. "Which, by the way, aren't even supposed to _exist_." The raven haired woman started to pace, her hands gesturing wildly in the air as she vented, "It's like I've stepped into an R-rated version of Twilight. I have my own vampire stalker who just breaks into my house, asks me on a date, murders a man in front of me and expects me to just accept _all_ of it and pretend like it's totally normal and acceptable behavior."

Despite the fact that the profiler was throwing out all the nagging thoughts in her head, the level of anger in her words was dropping every second. Her fury had faded and she was left deflated and confused.

Unable to keep up with Emily's unpredictable mood swings, JJ just stood there and watched the other woman shuffle about restlessly. The only positive thing she was getting out of this confrontation was that Emily didn't seem entirely overwhelmed by the fact that the blonde wasn't entirely human and the fact that JJ had been given a chance to kiss Emily—something she had been dying to do for quite some time.

Of course, if given the chance again, JJ would be sure to absorb and memorize every moment that their lips were together; savor the enticing thrill of having their skin touch and have electrical bursts tingle her skin.

"—keep coming back to the look in your eyes earlier and the fact that you _enjoyed_ killing that man." JJ heard Emily say and was immediately snapped out of her daydream. The trail end of the comment catching her off guard and instinctively making her need to defend herself and her actions.

JJ lips pulled downward, her eyebrows scrunching together as her frown took over her face, "I do it because I _have _to not because I want to, stop making it seem as though I'm jumping at the chance to kill people."

"So you don't take pleasure in what you do? You don't feel a thrill of excitement when you lure some unsuspecting stranger towards you and drink away their life?" Emily asked; her eyebrow quirking in silent challenge as her voice dripped with unrestrained disbelief.

"Of course there's a part of me that's excited by the chase but it's an unfortunate part of what I am. I'm a predator, Emily and that means some part of me, however small, will always find the prospect of taking a life somehow exciting." JJ's frown deepened, not liking how her explanation sounded but unwilling to lie about her very nature.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Emily muttered darkly, unable to move past the stark realization that JJ was a coldblooded killer. Her own personal set of morals making it impossible to ignore.

"How _dare_ you stand there and _judge _me," JJ said darkly, her words dripping with venom as her anger once again took over. "You kill people for a _living_; you don't get to crucify me for doing what I _have_ to do to survive."

A dry and humorless laugh left Emily's lips, her eyes darkening as the shutters dropped and her face turned cold and emotionless, "I kill _criminals_ Jennifer, I don't just walk down the street and start shooting people. What you do and what I do are two completely different things and I won't stand here and let you make me out to be something I'm not. I don't take pleasure in taking a life but if it means saving a child or an innocent then I'll do what I have to do but I don't pull the trigger unless I _have _to."

"Is that what you see me as? Some sort of serial killer?" JJ asked quietly, her eyes boring into Emily's, "Do you think my instinctual need for blood as a means for survival makes me a serial killer, Emily? How is what I do any different than you killing an animal and eating it for dinner?"

Emily shook her head at the logic, "That argument won't work and you know it. The circumstances are different and right now you're just grasping at straws."

JJ growled, her anger growing steadily, "God damn it Emily, you don't get to judge me for this. You don't get to set the rules for what's justifiable and what's not!" Before she could stop herself, JJ was slamming Emily into the wall, her hand wrapped around the other woman's neck, her fury and shame rolling into one and clouding her judgment.

If Emily feared for her life, she didn't let it show. Her face remained perfectly still, her eyes staring with challenge into JJ's, "Is this what you've been waiting for?" The profiler goaded, her brown eyes blazing, her lips pressed into a hard line as her jaw tightened. "Has all this just been a game to you? A way to make the chase more entertaining so when you finally got me where you wanted you could relish the victory?" Even as the words fell from her lips, Emily knew she was going too far. She was too absorbed in her denial and anger to really understand how quickly things were spiraling out of control.

As if realizing what was happening, JJ's hand flew backwards, her hand feeling as though it had been burned. "I-I didn't," she stammered, her feet clumsily shuffling away, "oh god." JJ's eyes were wide with fear as they darted from Emily to her hands, incapable of believing that her hands had just been wrapped around the other woman's throat. "Emily," she whispered in agony, the waves of repulsion taking over her body, "I'm so sorry."

Seeing the blonde in such anguish immediately sobered Emily up; all the overwhelming emotions from their discussion instantly evaporating, "It's okay." She opened her arms and stepped closer to the blonde, "C'mere Jennifer," Emily said softly, her eyes softening as she waited, instinctually needing to comfort the blonde and reassure her.

Reluctantly, JJ moved forward, taking solace in Emily embrace and allowing herself to cling to the other woman, absorbing what warmth she could.

"Shh," Emily whispered into her hair, slowly rocking the blonde, "it's okay, Jen. We got a little too emotional, these things happen."

JJ's shoulders slumped, her grip on Emily tightening, "I shouldn't have done that. I have better control than that," she muttered, more to herself than to Emily.

The moment Emily heard the words, the almost rehearsed chant, she knew she had made a terrible mistake. It was obvious that to a certain extent, JJ hated what she was and hated what she needed to do to survive. And if killing criminals or abusive people helped ease her eternity of killing, who was Emily to judge her for that? Sure, her own morals kept her from condoning it but the blood wasn't on her hands and it wasn't right to condemn JJ for doing something the legal system couldn't effectively take care of.

It was that simple understanding, that harsh bit of truth that made Emily give up her fight and succumb to what she had already realized she was incapable of resisting. JJ could destroy her, could physically and emotionally do her in and as much as it frightened Emily, as much as she feared for her own sanity, she couldn't abandon someone who so clearly needed something to tether her to humanity.

JJ had spent so much time alone and after centuries of wandering the Earth alone, she reached out to Emily for some semblance of companionship. Emily figured the least she could do was give that connection, that risk, an honest shot.

So ignoring the tormented words, Emily lowered them both to the floor until they each rested on their knees, "You didn't hurt me, Jen." Emily loosened her grip and pulled back slightly, "See? I'm perfectly fine. You might have been angry but even in the heat of the moment you weren't going to hurt me."

Emily stretched her neck, knowing that no bruises or redness would be visible, unfortunately having firsthand knowledge of how much pressure would be necessary to mar her flesh. "I bruise quickly and easily and I know for a fact that there isn't even a hint of a bruise so stop beating yourself up."

The blonde examined Emily's neck closely, only partially relieved to see that Emily was right and that there was no evidence of her grip. But that didn't change the fact that she had let her anger get the best of her and had nearly taken it out on Emily; someone she could easily hurt without even really intending to.

"JJ," Emily said with a hint of exasperation tingeing her voice, "I can hear your obsessing and worrying."

Blue eyes snapped upwards from Emily's neck and gazed intently into the other woman's brown eyes, "Jennifer," she said lowly, her eyes scanning Emily's face.

"Hmm?" Emily responded, hiding her smirk and staring at JJ with faux confusion.

"Jennifer," JJ repeated, still gazing intently at Emily.

"I know your name, JJ" Emily responded dryly, fully aware of what JJ was getting at but feigning ignorance in hopes of slowly shifting away from their previous confrontation.

The blonde's brow furrowed, "Stop that."

"Stop what, JJ?"

Pursing her lips and narrowing her eyes, JJ placed both hands on either side of Emily's face, "Stop calling me JJ."

"That's your name, isn't it?" Emily asked innocently, a smile tugging at her lips despite her best efforts to stifle it.

Inching their faces closer, JJ paused just a millimeter away from Emily's, her confused expression slowly mirroring the other woman's smile. "You always call me Jennifer or Jen," the blonde stated matter of factly. "I don't like when you call me JJ," she said somewhat petulantly, her smile faltering for a second.

"Is that so, Jennifer?" Emily teased before connecting their lips, wanting to wipe away the slight pout to JJ's lips. "Jennifer, Jennifer, Jennifer," Emily muttered, letting the name fall from her lips like a soft embrace, her voice saying the name with a caress that only she could provide.

JJ closed her eyes briefly, a shiver running down her spine at the smooth as honey way Emily said her name. "Emily, "she whimpered, wondering if she would ever get enough of hearing the other woman whisper her name.

"No matter what, Jennifer, I'll be here for you as long as you want me," Emily said soothingly, responding unknowingly to the blonde's thoughts. "I can't say I approve of your lifestyle but everyone deserves a chance at happiness and you are _long_ overdue."

The words wound themselves around the blonde, wrapping her in the tight embrace of love and belonging; her long since stolen soul finally finding its way back to her. It just so happened to take the form of Emily Prentiss.

"I love you," JJ said suddenly, imagining if her heart were still beating that it would be thumping wildly in her chest.

Emily's eyes widened for just a second, her lips parting slightly as she stared incredulously at the blonde.

Staring at the other woman's shocked expression, JJ wondered if maybe she had said jumped the gun on that one, her lack of experience making her filter nonexistent as she said exactly what she felt without thinking twice about it. The blonde's stomach tightened just as her mouth opened to backtrack.

Her apology was cut off by Emily's urgent and insistent lips crashing into hers, the blonde's body pushed flat on the floor as Emily straddled her hips. The profiler opened her mouth to say something, to find a happy middle ground to confirming her affections for the blonde and not flat-out denying her proclamation but as lips moved to form the words, "I love you too," was what tumbled out instead.

Only giving herself a moment to harp on the confession and the suddenness of the strong emotion, Emily stifled her need to process and instead attacked JJ's lips again.

Though the two women differed on so many levels, had opinions and morals that clashed violently, neither could deny the pull that seemed to bring them together. Their differences didn't seem so major when they looked at the grand scheme of things and witnessed what each had to offer.

For Emily, JJ offered a chance at love and a sense of fulfillment that the profiler didn't seem to get from her job or life. Each day was a routine and while she hadn't found a problem with it before, now that JJ was around, she didn't think she could stomach the monotony of her days anymore.

For JJ, Emily gave her a sense of humanity; a way to reclaim a piece of herself that had been stolen from her centuries ago. With Emily, JJ was given a reprieve from the prison she had been unknowingly living in; she was given a shot at something she hadn't even realized she yearned for.

It was a shot at happiness that neither of them thought they would ever achieve and while it was all still new to them, they were content to rejoice in the feeling of belonging and love that enveloped them.

Alone, forever felt an extended stay in misery, but together, forever didn't seem quite long enough.

* * *

_**A/N**: This story originally started with a single line of dialogue and somehow took on a life of its own and morphed into this 17k+ word story. Definitely ended up much longer than I thought and nagged me until I finished it but overall, I'm pretty satisfied with how it turned out. _  
_Anyways, thanks to everyone who has favorited and followed this story. I'm not sure how often I'll be adding one shots but most if not all of the ones I finish will be posted under this title. _  
_Feel free to PM or leave a review if you have an idea you'd like to see happen, or just to comment on the stories._

Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope those of you reading and following are enjoying the stories!


	6. You're Always Worth It

One Shot Summary: Emily and JJ, currently in high school, deal with coming out to their families.

* * *

Jennifer looked down at her hand, silently marveling at the way the two pairs could fit together so _perfectly_. Her thumb grazed over the scabbed knuckles of her friend, her partner; her girlfriend.

"Does it hurt?" JJ finally got herself to ask, the guilt of those wounds making her feel as though she needed to oversee their every step through the healing process.

Emily just shook her head, a relaxed and easy grin on her face; as though her mind was clear and she was free of the constraints that had been wrapped so tightly around her. The chains that often made her movements tense and stiff, that kept her back stiff as a board and made her appear almost robotic.

"Nope," Emily said breezily, "and you should stop worrying. It wasn't your fault and it's not like you _made_ me punch Ian in the face." Which was all too true, and though Emily wouldn't admit it to JJ, she had been dying for a reason pummel Ian into the ground for awhile now, but his homophobic ways had just given her a clear cut reason to deck him. Plus, she was enjoying JJ's doting too much to really try and dissuade the blonde from constantly checking her over.

"But you only punched him because of the things he was saying about _me_, which means it's indirectly my fault." And JJ had enjoyed the sight so much that she had promptly dragged her raven haired girlfriend away from the unconscious form of Ian and into an alley to kiss her senseless. It was definitely a sight to behold; watching Emily stand tall in front of Ian, a senior who was two years older and about six inches taller than them.

It still got JJ hot and bothered to remember the way Emily stood in front of the blonde and stared challengingly at the senior. The way her face closed off in nothing short of pure fury, her eyes burning with a fire that JJ had never seen lit behind those chocolate iris's; the way Emily's hands clenched at her side, her biceps rippling as she tensed her muscles. It left the blonde completely speechless, not only because it was a sight to behold but because it was something right out of the romantic movies she made Emily watch on Saturdays.

Emily Prentiss was defending her honor—though she knew the other girl would never actually _admit_ that that's what she had been doing— and the blonde couldn't help but swoon.

Then, just as Ian spewed more derogatory and offensive remarks, Emily smirked and pulled her arm back before swinging it right at the ignorant high schooler. The _crack_ that echoed in the empty parking lot was nothing compared to the _thud_ of Ian's unconscious body dropping like a bag of sand onto the asphalt.

Only after the impromptu make out session, when JJ went to intertwine her fingers with Emily's, that she noticed the blood on her knuckles. The sight instantly cooled off her teenage hormones and sent her into Mother Hen mode; dragging her petulant girlfriend to the bathroom to clean and bandage the battle wounds.

"For the millionth time, Jen, it wasn't your fault." Emily huffed in mild annoyance, unknowingly drawing JJ's thoughts back to the conversation at hand. "Besides, anyone who talks crap about my girlfriend is just begging for a punch to the face." The raven haired girl nodded her head, as if the action somehow solidified her words.

"My hero," JJ drawled, her voice taking on a Southern accent as she clasped her hands over her heart and batted her eyelashes at her girlfriend.

Instead of blushing and looking bashful, like she was fighting to keep from doing, Emily just put on her trademark smirk and offered the blonde a wink, "Damn right."

The two then hopped up onto the hood of Emily's convertible, their hands once again intertwined as they stared up at the clouds in the sky.

"I told my mom about us yesterday," JJ finally said to break the comfortable silence, her tone relaxed despite how tense her body got at the admission. The blonde had been waiting all day to tell her girlfriend but figured it wouldn't exactly end well so she waited for a moment when they were both in good spirits before breaking the news.

She hadn't meant it to be said so Emily would finally tell her mother about them, but she just wanted her girlfriend to know that she thought their relationship was worth the confession.

"How'd Sandy take the news?" Emily asked after a solid minute of processing, her face giving nothing away as she continued to stare blankly at the sky.

Sighing quietly to herself and wishing Emily didn't feel the need to close herself off so much, JJ focused her attention back on the clouds, "She was pissed at first. At one point she even started reciting quotes from the Bible." The blonde shrugged and willed herself not to cry when she thought about some of the more hurtful things her mother had said. "There was a lot of screaming and we didn't actually talk again until I was getting ready to go to sleep, but she came into my room around midnight and just hugged me."

The blonde looked at her girlfriend, willing Emily to look at her so she could read her expression, "I don't think she's okay with it, at least not yet, but I think that was her way of saying she's not going to disown me or anything over it. Kind of like her way of saying, 'I don't understand it, I'm not okay with it, but you're still my daughter' or something like that."

Emily forced a smile to her face and squeezed JJ's hand, trying to show that she was happy for her girlfriend. "I'm happy for you Jen, she might not get it right now, but your mom loves you and she'll come to terms with it soon."

"Yeah," JJ trailed off, Emily's reassuring words temporarily mollifying her worries but the fear of rejection from one of the single most important people in her life still lingered in her mind.

She had hoped her mother would accept things after some time had passed and while things were going better than she could have ever imagined, JJ still felt her fears and insecurities gripping painfully at her heart.

For as brave of a face as she could put on, she still feared her mother's reaction and no amount of reassurance would calm her until her mother could look her in the eye and say that she was okay with JJ's lifestyle.

It wasn't even that JJ had a _choice_ in the matter but she prayed and hoped that Sandy would still love her, even when she couldn't completely accept who and what her daughter was.

A mother's love is supposed to be unconditional and with religion and family values being synonymous in their family, JJ found herself pitted against the Bible; a part of her wouldn't quit worrying until she knew for sure that her mother's studious upholding of the Bible and all its teachings wouldn't force her to turn her back on her daughter.

But until the blonde knew for sure, she was content to draw strength from Emily's presence and hope for the best.

* * *

The confession from JJ had been weighing heavily on Emily's mind for days and she finally forced herself to stop putting off the inevitable.

Her own convictions were what had made her want to finally tell Elizabeth about her relationship with JJ and her attraction to females rather than males. A part of her feared her mother's reaction but by keeping her relationship under wraps, she gave the impression that she was somehow ashamed of it or didn't believe in it as much as she should have and that was something Emily couldn't and wouldn't stand for.

So with her shoulders squared and her head high, she cornered her mother and blurted out the words before she could back out of it. "Mother, I'm gay."

When Elizabeth just stood there, a detached look on her face, Emily felt the need to clarify in case her mother hadn't caught on to what she was saying. "I'm a lesbian, as in I like women. Actually, I'm in a relationship right now, with Jennifer Jareau."

"Are you finished?" Elizabeth asked, her toned bored as she hiked up her eyebrows at her daughter. When Emily nodded, she shook her head sadly and turned away, "I don't have time for this, Emily."

"This isn't a joke, Mother. I'm in love with Jennifer and I thought you deserved to know that this is who I am and that I can't, _won't_, change that because society may not approve."

"Emily, what you're doing," Elizabeth paused, trying to reign in her disgust at the idea of her daughter with another girl, "it isn't right. It isn't _normal_." Her tone left no room for argument as she attempted to stare down her daughter; willing her to submit and accept her words as fact.

Emily, never one to be bullied into believing something she didn't agree with, took a step away from her mother and glared angrily at her. The words and subsequently, rejection, cutting through her like tiny shards of glass and razor blades.

"I can't change who or what I am any more than you can change who or what you are, Mother." Emily struggled to remain poised as she spoke to her mother but the slight tremble in her voice showed just how affected she was.

"Emily," her mother said condescendingly, her face forced into a sympathetic expression as she tried to sway her daughter, "this isn't a lifestyle, this is a phase." Her tone was soft and gentle, her way of taking the sting and bluntness out of her words. "I realize I haven't paid quite enough attention to you, and perhaps when things settle down a bit I can show more interest in your life but suddenly deciding you're a-" Elizabeth faltered, her silky smooth voice abruptly stopping as she tried to find the most appropriate label for whatever her daughter was convinced she was.

"A lesbian," Emily supplied for her mother, fighting a temporary smirk as she watch Elizabeth's indignation at the word.

Elizabeth hummed but didn't repeat the word, opting to gloss over that particularly unsavory title. "Mm, yes; deciding you are _that way_ is not the appropriate way to get my attention. You are not five years old Emily, I don't have time for these preposterous tantrums and desperate tactics for attention." Her mother showed no remorse in her scolding, only looking more and more bored as she reprimanded her wayward daughter.

Upon hearing the garbage her own mother way trying to feed her, Emily's expression darkened significantly before a dry and bitter laugh left her mouth. With an unnatural hollowness in her eyes, Emily stared down Elizabeth. "What could you possibly know about my actions at five years old?" The teen snarled at her mother, hatred and spite twisting her face into a cruel scowl. "My nanny, Stephanie was basically my surrogate mother up until the age of thirteen. At no point during those thirteen years did you ever witness one of my alleged 'tantrums' or 'attempts at attention' because that would require _you_ to actually remember you had daughter."

Elizabeth brushed the words off, unaffected by the vehemence and venom her daughter showed towards her. "Nonsense, I brought you into this world Emily and watched you grown into a young woman— albeit a confused one— but a woman nonetheless. Stop being so dramatic."

Emily couldn't help but scoff at that, unable to fathom how oblivious her mother truly was. "Mother, I hate to break it to you, but you haven't been _there_ for me at any point in my life." The words weren't said maliciously but they were uttered with an irrefutable truth, one that gave Elizabeth pause.

Just as her mother opened her mouth to argue, Emily cut her off and began to tick off important moments in her life that Elizabeth had been decidedly absent for.

"Where were you when I was seven and fell off the monkey bars and broke my elbow? When Stephanie had to take me to the hospital to get surgery to remove the bone fragments and put pins and a plate in?" At that, Emily showcased the somewhat jagged and faded scar that stretched from just above her elbow the middle of her forearm.

Without giving her mother time to object or find an excuse, Emily pushed on. "Where were you when I would come home crying day after day because Jessica Franklins felt the need to point out that my father was nothing more than a criminal and a drunk? When I was too young to learn your 'lesson' on letting words roll right off me and pretend like the whispers weren't true? Where were you when I spent half of my kindergarten year crying myself to sleep and wondering why my father and mother didn't think I was worth their time or attention?"

Forcing her raging emotions down, Emily tried to channel the long buried sorrow into fury; unwilling to let her mother see her break down. "What about when my softball team won their championship? When everyone had a parent or relative, _someone_ to congratulate them, and I had to stand there like I was perfectly _fine_ with the fact that _no one _cared about my accomplishments? Were you there for that, as well, Mother?"

The memories and waves of _hurt_ were washing over Emily and she was swiftly being carried away in the tide. Repressed memories were assaulting her and the filter she normally employed when she spoke with her mother was suddenly gone and she was just spewing whatever painful moments she could at her unsuspecting and oblivious mother.

"What about when I was so desperate for your attention, so desperate for _someone_ to care, even for fifteen minutes, that I had sex with a classmate and ended up pregnant? Where were you when I talked to the priest at our church? Where were you when I had to have an _abortion_ at fifteen because I knew, I just _knew_ you would look at me such disgust and hatred? When the priest of our church shunned me and basically banned me from showing up because he didn't approve of what I had done, of how I had dealt with things? Where were you then, Mother?" Emily shouted, veins in her neck bulging as she fought desperately to keep from crying.

"Don't you dare stand there and tell me you've been there for me when you don't have a single fucking clue about what I've been through. The disappointments I've felt because you couldn't be _bothered_ to even look twice at me, because you couldn't take one minute out of your day to even _remember_ you had a daughter."

Elizabeth was too stunned by Emily's last admission to really retaliate; she simply stood there in a stupor and tried to regain the balance her own daughter had knocked her off of.

"I—" Elizabeth could think of nothing to say, her mouth opening and closing.

"That's what I thought," Emily spat, her face twisting into a mask of anger and what Elizabeth could only describe as pure disgust and hatred. "I've long since stopped seeking your approval."

If her daughter's previous comments and words hadn't gotten to her, those last few words certainly had. At no point in her life had she thought that she was a terrible mother; perhaps she didn't pay as much attention to her daughter as she should have, but Emily got good grades, she was smart, athletic and had a knack for linguistics, all qualities that showed her daughter was doing just fine.

So Elizabeth hadn't considered that her job as a mother was lacking; her daughter was turning out to be a wonderful person and was quickly on her way to following in her footsteps and becoming an Ambassador. But looking at her now, hearing the things Emily was saying, seeing the unbridled _disgust_ she had towards her and the dismissal of her own mother's approval, Elizabeth had to acknowledge that perhaps she hadn't been doing as stellar of a job as she had thought.

"I didn't tell you I was gay because I wanted your approval, I didn't tell you because I thought we might finally have that Hallmark moment, I didn't tell you for any reason other than to give you the courtesy you obviously don't deserve. Jennifer's already told her family and I know she wanted me to tell you so that we don't feel like we're always hiding or that I'm ashamed of her." The high schooler shook her head as she stared defiantly at her mother, uncaring of how genuinely shell shocked she looked. "I love her too much to let her believe I think that little of our relationship. I am ashamed of a lot of things in my life, but my relationship with her is not one of those things."

Elizabeth once again recoiled at the words, hearing the unspoken jab and unable to completely object. "I can't approve of this relationship Emily. It's not what I want for you." She voiced weakly, determined to do _something_ right in her daughter's life.

Emily's anger faded instantly, her eyes softening as she allowed herself to reach a conclusion she had never truly believed she would ever reach. Her stomach churned at the thought and her heart stuttered as she held her tears at bay for just a few more minutes.

"You've long since forfeited any rights you had towards what you wanted for me, Mother. And even if you hadn't, I've outgrown my childish need for your approval." Elizabeth's words were flung back at her with such ease that the older woman found herself once again, speechless.

The elder Prentiss watched as her daughter walked out of the room, her head held high and her step confident as she exited the house.

It was as she watched this unknown woman, this person who shared half of her DNA, walk out the door that Elizabeth found herself wondering for the first time, just how much of her daughter's life she had truly missed?

She had prided herself on knowing she had raised a daughter who was capable and smart enough to run circles around even the haughtiest of people, but hearing those few momentous occasions in Emily's life and listening to the things her daughter had faced alone, Elizabeth had to wonder who was _really_ responsible for creating the proud and perfect woman who had just stood before her.

It was a punch in the gut to realize that seventeen years of life and Elizabeth had played no real part in them. That her own daughter, her own flesh and blood, could have cared less about her opinion on the matter and that Emily was entirely justified in feeling that way.

It pained Elizabeth to admit she had failed Emily but she was far too stubborn, too stuck in her ways to go chasing after her daughter and beg for a chance to be what Emily needed.

'_I must have done something right because she's turned out so much better than I could have hoped for_,' Elizabeth thought, using that single belief to justify her negligence towards her only daughter. It's what kept her from drowning in a bottle of scotch or doing something she knew she would regret.

So she wiped away the single tear that ran down her cheek and walked up to her office, pushing the revealing confrontation with her daughter into a box and shoving it into the darkest corners of her mind, and going about her business as if nothing had happened at all.

* * *

Emily's head throbbed, her eyes felt like they had been rubbed down with sandpaper and her throat was sore from the amount of time she had spent keeping her tears and sobs at bay.

She had spent the better part of her night playing and replaying her fight with her mother and while she didn't regret what she had said, she found herself disappointed in the fact that Elizabeth hadn't put up more of a fight. That she hadn't tried to track Emily down when she didn't come home, that she didn't try and make amends; that she didn't _react_.

Her lack of reaction to the many hurtful memories Emily hurled at her was worse than her apparent rejection of her sexual orientation.

It had her emotions twisted and tangled like knotted ball of Christmas lights and Emily had no idea how to go about righting them.

Just as she was about to take our her aggressions on the nearest person, a flash of blonde hair caught her attention and she couldn't help but smile at the sight of JJ.

"Emily!" Jennifer screamed happily, launching herself at the raven haired girl as she engulfed her in a tight hug before peppering her face with sloppy kisses.

"Not that I mind this kind of greeting," Emily teased, her smile wide as she was kissed yet again on the cheek, "but what's up with the overzealous hugging and kissing?"

JJ squealed again and hugged Emily even tighter, "My mom is okay with everything, she even invited you to dinner!" Blue eyes stared joyously into brown eyes, "She said she wanted to meet my girlfriend and she wasn't angry or anything when she said it, either."

Smiling, Emily hugged JJ back and lifted her off the ground as she twirled her around, "That's great news, Jen!"

And Emily was legitimately happy for her girlfriend but the acceptance left a bitter taste in her mouth and a piece of her, however small, would always be jealous of the love that existed in the Jareau household. Sandy Jareau cared enough about JJ to be angry and struggle to reconcile her religious views with her daughters sexual orientation; to pushed aside her convictions and accept her daughter with open arms. It left Emily with a yearning that, even while she denied it to her mother, would never be truly gone.

A child never _truly_ stops wanting approval, never stops wanting their parents to love them unconditionally; even when they deny it with every fiber of their being. The need to be loved by the people who brought them into the world is always there, lingering in the background.

So, yes, Emily was jealous of how things had turned out for Jennifer, but she loved her girlfriend too much to take away from the huge step that had been taken in her life.

Emily may never be accepted by her mother, Elizabeth would more than likely continue on living like their confrontation had never happened and act oblivious to the fact that Emily was gay, but at least the teenager had a pillar of strength.

Her mother might not care, but Emily had JJ and that counted for so much more.

"She said that no one, not even a religion she was raised to believe was true, would ever make her believe that I wasn't a good person. That the God she believed in wouldn't condemn a person for something they couldn't help; for loving someone." JJ's words drew Emily from her thoughts.

"I'm so happy for you Jen," Emily said truthfully, kissing her girlfriend for all she was worth before pulling away with a roguish grin on her face. "So, when do I get to officially meet my girlfriend's mother?"

"You'd do that?" The blonde asked quietly, her eyes wide as a shy smile tugged at her lips.

"Of course," Emily said incredulously, her sincerity showing in her eyes as she stared lovingly at JJ, "I've punched a boy in the face for you, I've sat through some of the cheesiest movies for you, heck, I've even put up with your soccer buddies when you drag me along when you all hang out," '_I've confronted my mother because I refuse to let her think I'm ashamed of you_' went unspoken, "there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you, Jennifer."

Apparently, those were the right words because JJ was soon launching herself at Emily all over again, her lips hungrily attacking the other girls.

As their lips locked and their bodies pressed flush against one another, Emily knew that there really wasn't anything she wouldn't give up or do for Jennifer Jareau.

A person like her was always worth it.

It was that knowledge, the warmth of JJ's touch, the love that Emily felt whenever they were within fifty feet of one another that solidified that sentiment.

There was nothing in the world that wouldn't make Jennifer Jareau worth the risk.


	7. A Single Act of Boldness

_**One Shot Summary: JJ, slowly building up the courage to speak to the mysterious raven haired woman she sees every day at the coffee shop, through nothing short of a single act of boldness, grants her the opportunity to grab what she has been waiting weeks for. **_

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Her fingers trace over the spine of her book, her eyes slyly moving upward as she sneaks yet another glance at the woman sitting just a few tables away. No matter how hard she tries to focus, regardless of the number of times her eyes have scanned the same words on that same page, she can't help that her eyes always seem to gravitate towards that woman.

She's been going to that café every chance she gets, spending her every available lunch break sitting at that table, trying not to seem transparent or creepy, but secretly hoping that one of her many visits there, the raven haired woman she just can't help but stare at, will somehow notice her.

It's maddening to an extent, to see someone, to be _so close_ and yet be unable to close that distance and just _be_.

So she settles for what she can get.

Her hand runs through her long blonde hair, desperately trying to turn her focus back to the page she's been reading for the past twenty minutes, but no matter what, like a tractor beam, she's back to staring at the other woman.

Just as her blue eyes gaze over the top of her battered and worn book, her eyes connect with brown and she can't help but blush and drop her head, her blonde hair falling like a curtain as it partitions her from the world and her mystery woman's scrutiny.

She's thrilled at the accidental eye contact, the maddeningly fast thumping of her heart proof enough of that. Her leg jumps anxiously, bobbing up and down as she tries to calm her frazzled and wonderfully frayed nerves.

A part of her feels as though she's back in high school, staring longingly at her crush and relishing in those brief moments where her body feels simultaneously hot and cold, the fluttering of a thousand butterflies in her stomach and the way her heart feels like it's about to drop out of her chest moments before it takes flight and beats to the rhythm of her crush's name.

Except this crush has no name — at least not one that JJ knows.

Her fingers are disgustingly sweaty, her cheeks tinged pink, her ears burning in embarrassment and joy, her eyes glued to the words of her book that she knows her brain is no closer to processing; it's thrilling in so many ways and despite the hot coil of anxiety in her stomach, she can't seem to get enough of it.

No interaction, no connection has been established yet and she feels as though she's walking on clouds. And that makes her stop and wonder, if a mere connecting of their eyes can make her feel like she's floating miles above the Earth completely weightless, what would talking to her do? What would making a physical connection like holding hands, cause her to feel? If they were to kiss, would her brain completely fizzle out, leaving her as nothing more than an ecstatic but brain dead woman with a permanent smile etched onto her face?

A smile slowly winds its way onto her face, her lips pulling taut as she gives in to that familiar need to show just how happy she is. She's smiling stupidly at nothing in particular and knows it must be a sight to behold but her mood cannot be dampened and so she smiles wider, her eyes blazing with a giddiness she's never felt before.

Her thumb caresses the side of her opened book, the feeling of the page ends rubbing against her skin acting as a welcomed but short lived distraction from the woman she knows is still staring at her.

She wants to look up, she wants nothing more than to make eye contact again, garner all of her confidence, walk up to the beautiful woman and introduce herself. She wants _so badly_ to talk to her and _**finally **_forge the connection she's been hoping for ever since she first laid eyes on her.

But as she orders her head to rise, as she screams at her mind to move her feet, to drop her book, push her hair back and stride purposefully towards that raven haired woman, her traitorous mind and body refuse to give in.

So she sits frozen, as though she's met the eyes of Medusa and has turned permanently to stone; to remain frozen in that seat with a smile stretching her lips and her book forever clutched in her hands.

Mentally, she curses herself, wishes she was brave enough to put her heart on the line and talk to the woman she's pretty sure is the one for her.

It's ridiculous to think, almost impossible to be true, but looking at her, hearing her husky voice from time to time and seeing her talk so casually, JJ is positive that she's _it._ The notion of being able to spot your forever seems unlikely, maybe impossible, but some part of her just _knows_.

It feels as though her entire life she's been sending out this distress signal, a sound so low that it's never been picked up, never heard by another human being, until she walks into that shop, sees that other woman and suddenly the signal she's been ignorant to is rebounding and whopping into her.

The force nearly knocks her to the ground, her distress signal _finally_ echoing back towards her, a sign that someone is operating on the same frequency she is and is there to answer the call for help she didn't know she was putting out there.

Blonde hair twirls anxiously around her finger, the only action she's managed to get her body to do since those brown eyes struck her down and froze her in place.

So lost in her thoughts, so completely mesmerized by those deep pools of chocolate brown, she fails to notice the steps approaching her or the chair across from her sliding out.

"Hi there," the oh so familiar husky voice says, the owner of said voice gingerly sitting in the seat opposite her.

Her head rises slowly, almost as though she believes if she moves too quickly she'll create a ripple that will forever wipe the other woman away; the woman she's inexplicably drawn to ultimately disappearing forever. "Hi," she mumbles, secretly congratulating herself for not stuttering that one syllable word.

"I'm Emily," the raven haired goddess whispers conspiratorially, like she's sharing a secret that no one else in the world is aware of or privy to. Her eyes glint in amusement and interest, her hand outstretched and waiting for JJ's to slip into it, content to wait however long it takes for that physical connection to be made.

"Jennifer," she responds quickly, feeling as though the offer to exchange names will expire if she doesn't say her name fast enough. "JJ for short," she clarifies, wondering why she felt the need to say her entire first name given the fact that she's always hated how it sounded, "my friends all call me JJ."

She's rambling. She hates it but kind of loves it because Emily's eyes are crinkling at the corners as she smirks and JJ can't find it in herself to be embarrassed for acting like a lovesick and awkward teenager, at least not when it means Emily's smiling so warmly at her.

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Jennifer," Emily says confidently, the blonde's name tumbling from her lips like it's an exotic phrase the likes of which no human has ever heard before. Her tongue caresses those three syllables, and just like that, her boring and common name sounds almost musical and enchanting, as though it were meant to be so much more than an ordinary name.

She can only nod jerkily, her hand clumsily sliding into Emily's, her mouth unable to form the words her short circuited brain is sending. Their hands stay connected for a long moment, the feeling of warmth and electricity keeping them joined.

Somehow, JJ imagines that the electrical current that's slowly making its way up her arm and making her heart switch from stuttering to racing, is what's keeping their hands glued together. She feels like even if she wanted to, she couldn't pull her hand from Emily's, her muscles locked into place and forever encased in the other woman's grasp.

And all the times she imagined their skin coming in contact, it's nothing compared to the actual feeling. It creates a sensation that no words can accurately describe. While she holds the other woman's hand, she imagines the best moments of her life, some of her most treasured moments and objects, suddenly rolled into one. That creation, the feeling of those joyous moments and favorite mementos combined, is only a fraction of what causes her skin to tingle and her blood to burn with anticipation.

It's like realizing you've been walking around and only seeing the world in black and white and then suddenly, someone comes and through nothing more than a brush of their fingers, has the world lighting up in bright, vivid and sensational colors.

That's what holding Emily's hand feels like at the moment. Like finally being able to see colors when the world was thought to only be black and white – dull and lifeless. It's strange to imagine that a simple touch, the mere act of sliding her hand into Emily's waiting and entirely inviting grip, could make an off kilter world seem to straighten itself out.

Their hands fit perfectly together; the coldness to her hand disappearing in an instant as the contours are filled and their union is completed.

"I've seen you come in here day after day for _weeks_," Emily confesses, the words she's sure are meant to sound embarrassed, but are anything but; at least not when they're falling effortlessly from the other woman's lips. "And it's taken me all that time to finally build up the courage to come over here and introduce myself."

It's another confession from the enigmatic woman and damn if it doesn't feel like her heart has completely stopped before resuming its frantic beating. Blood is rushing in her ears and for the life of her, JJ can't seem to figure out why of all the people in the world, let alone that little café, Emily would single her out.

But as much as she wants to swoon and completely gush over the fact that her crush has just admitted to crushing on _her_, she tries to hold onto the last shred of dignity she has. It's a complete lie and she knows that soon enough, Emily will see how utterly fascinated and overjoyed she is with their interaction, but for the time being, she can't bring herself to act how she'd like.

"Weeks, huh?" She taunts, enjoying the façade she's created where she _isn't_ the one who's been coming there and pretending to read the same book while slyly sneaking glances at the other woman.

"Weeks," Emily confirms, no shred of remorse or embarrassment in her voice, just truth and excitement. Her brown eyes are practically glowing and JJ can't seem to look away, the tractor beam gaze once again drawing her into their never-ending depths.

Given the chance to stare unabashedly, she's going to stare and memorize every facet of the paler woman's face. "Should I be worried you might start stalking me?" She jokes, finding it easier to be light and carefree when the other woman seems to be so relaxed, acting as though they've known each other for years rather than just mere moments.

"If anyone should be worried about stalking, I think it should be me." Emily replies instantly, leaning closer to the blonde as her thumb slowly caresses the top of the JJ's hand.

It's only as the sensation of that soft pad rubbing over her sensitized skin that she realizes they have yet to disengage from their initial handshake and she's hard-pressed to end it.

"You?" She whispers, unable to say more when Emily's finger continues to caress and rub her skin, her eyes drawn to the small circles and shapes that the other woman's digit seems to be creating; like she's drawing an image that can only be seen through touch.

"Yes, you," Emily whispers just as quietly, leaning closer yet again, and JJ is assaulted by the unique scent that is the other woman. It's a combination of fruit, maybe citrus, a spice that is so familiar and yet eludes her, and something that she knows is just pure, concentrated, _Emily_.

The scent wraps itself around her, cocooning her until she can smell only that delectable aroma. Her head grows dizzy, her leg resuming to jangle anxiously, her tongue darting out to lick her lips almost as though she believes she can actually _taste_ the intoxicating scent.

Her eyes flutter shut for a moment and she can feel Emily's eyes on her, can feel the hot gaze on her skin, her flesh warming and burning wherever those beautiful brown eyes land.

"You've been coming here for weeks, just like me, and yet you still haven't managed to finish that book, Jennifer." Emily comments, her hand pulling away from the never-ending handhold they had going. "I'd say you're just as likely to stalk me as I am to stalk you."

"It's a difficult read," she lies unrepentantly, her smile growing wider as she slowly tries to slip the book back into her bag. "Very complex, lots of details to deconstruct," she continues to fib, knowing that the woman across from her hardly believes it.

"It seems quite difficult," Emily mutters offhandedly, her eyes meeting JJ's before looking beyond her and towards the doorway. "I look forward to hearing all about it next time," she states, her husky voice making it seem as though JJ is meant to read between the lines and decipher the hidden meaning to that simple comment.

And then she's watching, almost forlornly, as Emily rises from her seat, swings her bag over her shoulder and pushes her empty chair in. It's unsettling how sad she feels to see the woman go, having been given a taste of what her presence feels like, only to have it cruelly ripped from her grasp.

"Next time, I expect _you_ to approach _me,_" Emily whispers in her ear, the warm breath washing over her skin as those full lips ghost ever so gently over the shell of her ear. "Good bye Jennifer," she adds after a second, her lips no longer beside JJ's ear but pressing firmly into the side of her cheek.

It's sensation overload, JJ, no longer able to formulate a thought, her fingers trembling as her head bobs up and down like dinghy in water. Her eyes are wide, her pupils full blown as she rides the high that is Emily; her scent, her touch, her lips and that enchanting siren like voice.

"Sure thing," she mumbles to the emptiness, her mystery woman already gone, but the feeling of her soft and plump lips remaining on her flaming cheek.

She's been going to that same café for weeks, pretending to read the same book over and over again, stealing glances at a woman she didn't think she would ever work up the courage to speak to, and suddenly, it feels like it's only just started.

The payoff to her coveted crushing, the tormenting weeks spent watching from afar, seem like nothing now that she's spoken to her, now that their hands have fit so effortlessly together and a promise of tomorrow has been made.

Her world has righted itself, the ordinary objects she thought to once be bland and boring are suddenly eye catching and exquisite, the colors of the world popping out at her, the dullness that absorbed her life gone in an instant and replaced with a renewed vigor.

For tomorrow, she expects to see her no-longer mysterious crush. Tomorrow the longing stares end, the days of hiding behind her book are gone, and the day begins anew.

With the exchange of just a few words, she's confident in the belief that she's found her forever.

It's an assumption that most fear making, that is held off until more evidence either confirms or denies the belief, but holding that soft hand, feeling Emily's lips upon her cheek, the way her body practically hummed with energy in her presence, she knows her belief is true.

Forever has just introduced itself to her, and tomorrow, she returns the favor and introduces herself to forever.


	8. We Were Once So Great

**One Shot Summary: Left with the bitter taste of jealousy in her mouth, JJ comes to a few life-changing decisions where her relationship with Emily is concerned. JJ-centric.**

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She can't help but stare at the spectacle before her, unwilling or perhaps just _unable_ to draw her focus away from the two people on the dance floor.

Her heart is racing for reasons that she finds she can't quite admit, not even to herself, and her body buzzes with something akin to fury, though in a slightly lower concentration. She's not quite angry because that doesn't feel adequate enough to describe the sourness that has manifested in her mouth and is making her stomach feel like it's the equivalent to a stormy sea that's capable of capsizing even the strongest and largest of boats.

No, what she feels isn't as violent or wild as fury but it feels pretty damn close.

Her fingers refuse to listen to her commands as they continue to tremble like a leaf in the wind; threatening to crumble at any moment from the sheer force of the tremors passing through them. The copious amounts of alcohol she's consumed since arriving has made her emotions about a hundred times stronger and unfortunately, that much hard to control let alone hide.

Her lips are pressed into a thin line, face contorted into one of anger and disgust, as though she's been sucking on a handful of lemons for the past hour and her features have permanently adopted the look. The fact that she's been sitting at the bar, staring at them and downing drink after drink with her lips pursed, eyebrows knit together and eyes narrowed has not escaped her notice either. Quite honestly, she hates that she probably looks like an angry and sulking child, but her feelings — amplified by the alcohol, mind you — has her unable to truly care about how anyone but the person on the dance floor perceives her.

Jealousy can do that to a person.

And right now, she is being consumed by the irate and irrational green eyed monster that is known by the traitorous name of Jealousy.

She isn't even sure _why_ she's jealous but she is and she absolutely _hates_ it. Abhors it really.

But that's not true.

She knows why she's jealous, she just doesn't want to _admit_ it. But she's distinctly aware that being jealous is stupid because the woman she's currently ogling while trying to smite her dance partner, was once _hers_ and solely _hers_.

And it was magical while it lasted. Or, it was magical while it was in the more pleasant stages — during the period aptly labeled the 'honeymoon stage' — but once it ended and the haze of impenetrable happiness cleared and the real world problems that every relationship faces crashed into them full force, suddenly they didn't feel quite so compatible. The things she loved about her girlfriend were suddenly not so lovable. After a while it was easier to just push her away and try not to mourn the way she caught on and slowly started to make things easier by pulling away too.

What she finds funny is that her jealousy _could_ and _would_ be understandable if that's where things had ended. She could live with the green eyed monster whispering things in her ear at the moment if her relationship had ended because they were both unable to successfully jump the hurdles they had faced, but that wasn't how it ended.

That was just the first time they were together, because when you love someone so fully and wholeheartedly, giving up seems unfathomable. No matter how hard you try to pull away or the distance put between you, and especially no matter how many times you tell yourself you're happy with someone else, that undeniable pull always brings you back into one another's orbit. Fighting a love like that is like trying to fight your way out of quicksand; the harder you fight, the quicker you sink, but when you finally relax, you find an escape that seemed unimaginable just moments ago.

But lessons like that are hard to learn and was why they had tried the dating thing, or well, she did while Emily watched forlornly and helplessly.

If she were being honest with herself, she would be able to freely admit that Emily handled things much better than she currently was. When passive-aggressively ended things with the profiler — which is to say she pushed her away until Emily couldn't take it anymore and just put them both out of their misery — dating was something she quickly rebounded to. And Emily, poor, silently suffering Emily, sat there and pretended like it was okay.

And JJ pretended like it was okay that Emily was clearly _not_ okay but wearing a brave face so no one would think less of her, and for awhile, JJ was okay with that. It was a terrible thing to do, now that she looked back on it, especially now that she could feel _exactly_ what Emily must have felt when she paraded her dates around and brought them to their group hangouts, and she couldn't for the live of her figure out how Emily had managed to keep up the pretenses for the entire duration.

Emily had been with her current beau, Jason, for all of a week and JJ was already devising a dozen different ways to murder him and pass it off as an accident. And yet, while JJ dated man after man, Emily had smiled, shook their hands, and sometimes even made _small talk_ with them. It not only saddened her but angered her to realize that her ex-girlfriend was either much better at faking pleasantries or just generally a much better person when it came to stomaching dreadful interactions with the men she selfishly paraded around.

It was actually because of Emily's silent and unwavering presence that they had decided to give things yet _another_ shot. That second shot lasted slightly longer than the first but in the end, crashed and burned much like the previous attempt had.

A part of her had spent too many nights to count, wondering why they had even bothered to try a second time, or why a not so subtle part of her wanted to give it a third, fourth, fifth and onward, number of shots.

When she finally managed to look past the troubles they couldn't ever seem to get past, she realized just _why_ she couldn't let the idea of 'them' go.

Some people are just naturally drawn to one another; no matter how badly their time together ends, no matter how many nights they spend fighting and sleeping in separate rooms or that the number of times 'I hate you' is shouted outnumber the number of 'I love you's' but through it all, they are still magnetically pulled together. Because even though the time they've spent shouting and screaming at one another is enormous, it's still _pales_ in comparison to the strength and potency of their love and attraction to one another.

Even as she sits there, watching the woman she loves dance with another, she still can't quite shake the idea of them being together.

They feel like a tragic love story; two lovers destined to forever taste the possibilities of their love but always forced to split apart and wallow in the realization that with just a little more effort and a little less stubbornness, they could have what poets write about, what musicians sing about and what artists try so desperately to put on canvases. An all encompassing, blood boiling, eye fluttering, finger trembling, knee wobbling and heart palpitating, wholehearted, head dizzying _love_.

There are so many ways to describe the kind of love she felt with Emily, but even with the experience she has with words and the way she can weave them into an non-answering answer, even _she_ is incapable of truly doing the emotion justice.

She can't even really describe the _feelings_ Emily evokes in her.

It's almost as though what they had, the emotions and feelings that came with it, came in layers.

At the very bottom, there was a passion that seemed to run through everything they did or experienced together. When they fought, it was with passion; when they kissed or touched, the passion they felt for one another was evident in even the simplest of gestures; when they loved, it was with everything thing they had, almost as if they were pouring their souls into the action; it was in everything they did.

Love was woven just as intricately into their lives as passion was. When they were pulling apart and trying to pretend like their breakup was the smart and sensible idea, even then the air was charged with the overwhelming love they held for one another. Sometimes, when she allowed herself to look close enough, just beyond the sorrow and pain in Emily's eyes, she could see the undeniable love shining. Like a gem buried in layers of dirt with only the faintest of glints being the sole indicator of its presence there.

Happiness and fear seemed to war with one another; neither one entirely accustomed to the intimacy they were engaging in. Fear was what drove JJ to push Emily away; her inability to try and fight for things making it all too easy to forfeit before the fight even began. But with Emily, she couldn't quite handle the happiness that being with JJ brought her. After living a life where the rug was consistently being pulled from beneath her feet, she had learned to be wary when things were unexpectedly going her way. It was why she felt most days, she was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for JJ to realize she could do so much better. And when the media liaison began to push her away, and after she realized that trying to mend whatever had broken wasn't working, it was just easier to arrive at the conclusion that the proverbial shoe had dropped. It was why it was only too easy to pull away and put the final nail in their coffin.

Hung up on their own insecurities, they didn't see how quickly their connection was falling apart at the seams. It was those insecurities and fears that made it harder and harder to see the good in their relationship and all that much easier to only see the troubles and hardships.

But seeing Emily in the arms of another man, her arms wrapped tightly around his neck and a smile on her face — the kind she had reserved just for JJ — her chest ached with what it was missing out on.

She wasn't entirely to blame for their fallout, but if she had fought harder instead of throwing in the towel at the first road bump, she wouldn't be in this terrible purgatory where she had to watch another person pick up what she had so carelessly thrown away.

And then, as if by some twisted miracle, Emily's eyes locked with her own and it was loaded with emotions that even the blonde couldn't identify. The smile that had been plastered on the profiler's face slipped away almost instantly, the connection between them snapped in a moment's notice as the shutters behind her brown eyes dropped and her focus was redirected towards her date.

The pain of being snubbed, of no longer being allowed access to the side of the profiler that no one else got to see, was one of the worst feelings she had ever experienced. It was worse than the many gunshot wounds she had sustained, worse than all the concussions and black eyes, and so much worse than the shattering of her heart as their relationship ended. It felt so _final_ to have that last connection severed like that.

Through it all, Emily had always had that glint of hope in her eyes, that simmering love that shone from time to time, but maybe it was a limited time offer. Maybe, after having her hopes dashed and her fears of being unlovable confirmed, the profiler had finally given up hope on her happy ending.

Her train of thoughts were interrupted before she could delve any deeper.

"You're kind of pathetic, you know that?" Someone said over her shoulder, the deep and rumbling voice belonging to none other than Derek Morgan.

"No I'm not," the blonde replied halfheartedly, not particularly interested in whatever he had to say; at least not while her focus was still glued to Emily's moving form.

"Yes, you are," he replied, his voice sounding incredibly too smug for her taste.

"Aren't there some drunk floozies around here for you to hit on? Maybe some _other_ girl to chat up," she remarked, not all too nicely. It was no surprise that he would show up in her moment of irate jealousy and sorrow seeing as how he had made it all too clear how he felt about things between her and Emily.

He was the one who had kept the raven haired profiler standing and whole when she had so cruelly chopped her at the knees — or at least that's what she imagined Derek thought and believed.

He wasn't openly hostile towards her but he certainly wasn't friendly either; the best way to describe his behavior was to say that he tolerated her presence but wouldn't go out of his way to do much more than that.

"I plan on doing just that," he smarmed, not at all bothered by her terse attitude, "but only _after_ I get a new drink."

She simply nodded, not wanting their conversation to continue any further than that. She planned to sulk all night and wallow in the pit of jealousy she found herself in; it was like a sick version of penance or maybe just a way to seek absolution for throwing away the best thing in her life (twice).

"She'll never take you back," he said when they fell into silence, the only sounds being the music from the speakers and the chattering of the other patrons around them. His surety was what made her finally turn to look at him, disbelief and anger firmly affixed to her face.

"You can't possibly know that," she muttered heatedly, trying so desperately to hide the fear she felt at his words.

"I can," he answered resolutely, his head nodding gravely as his eyes slowly made their way towards the woman in question. "She's happier now than she's been in awhile, why would she give that up just so you can put her through hell again?"

She would have recoiled in fury but there was no malice in his voice as he asked the seemingly genuine question, as if he truly wanted a reason why she was worth the third chance.

"Because I love her," she whispered mournfully, idly wondering when that reason stopped feeling like an adequate response and more of an excuse.

Morgan continued to stare blankly at her, not at all convinced with the answer and waiting for a better and more passionate one.

But JJ wasn't looking at him anymore, her eyes having made their way back towards the profiler on the dance floor. "Because I can't handle the nights I wake up reaching for her side of the bed only to realize that she's not there anymore. That she's not _mine_ anymore. I miss the nights we'd spend in, curled up on the couch and content to just watch a movie and cuddle. Because when I'm with her, I find myself wanting more and more — that just being together doesn't feel like it's _enough_. Because some of our worst moments are still more passionate than the best moments I've had with other people. But especially because when I'm with her, when she's lying next to me and her arm is curled around my waist like she's afraid I'll disappear or float away, I can't imagine a _moment_ without her in my life. The thought of her not being there by my side for the _rest of my life_ makes my chest ache and my stomach churn." Her voice cracked, "She's the _only_ person who's made me believe true love _actually_ exists."

Her eyes were watering and her hand was clawing at her chest, just above her heart, as if she could somehow reach inside and stop the fragile muscle from shattering and breaking from the realizations and sentiments she had finally voiced aloud.

It was easier to deal with the fact that Emily was no longer hers when she turned a blind eye to all the things she had given up. And now, Morgan had asked the one question she couldn't leave unanswered and just like that, the truths she tried so hard to ignore were not staring her right in the eye.

"Because I _love_ her," she repeated brokenly, more conviction and emotion in those few words than the last time she uttered them.

"Do you honestly believe that?" Derek asked, his face schooled into a mask as he stared at the blonde, not at all caring that her attention was no longer on him.

JJ nodded, her saddened eyes no longer able to watch as Emily and Jason moved about on the dance floor. It hurt too much to see her happy with someone else.

"I can't believe you," the burly profiler scoffed, his head shaking angrily as he barely managed to keep from slamming his fist down on the bar top. "If you really loved her then you wouldn't have broken her heart _twice_! You wouldn't have brought your dates within ten _feet_ of her if you felt any sort of love for her. You wouldn't have been so selfish as to make _her_ end the relationship so she carried around the guilt of its failure. You claim you love her but all I've seen and heard is you being _selfish_ and not wanting anyone else to have her." He was pissed, mostly because he was the one who had to watch his friend and partner try and pick herself up each time JJ got scared and stopped trying to make things work. Sure, Emily wasn't the only victim but when you see a friend in _that_ bad of a way, you tend to defend them to the death and he had no intention of letting JJ play with her only to cast her aside like she had done the previous two times. Emily meant too much to him to just watch her get toyed with before being cast away, yet again.

"It takes _two_ to ruin a relationship, Morgan. I may have pushed her away but I didn't make her pull away and just give up," she snarled, but her words lacked the conviction to sound believable. Truth was, she blamed herself for things falling apart, but she wasn't going to just sit back and take abuse from someone who wasn't even involved. If Emily wanted to berate her, she would take it; but if Morgan did it, she would fight tooth and nail against every snide comment and accusation. "Maybe if you were more interested in being her friend and not her boyfriend you would see that."

The man recoiled at that, looking as though she had stricken him, "Maybe it's hard for you to believe, seeing how selfish and arrogant you are, but I've only wanted to be her friend. Not every relationship needs to evolve into a romantic one."

"What exactly are you trying to say?" She growled, jumping up from her seat as she glared at the man, hearing the unspoken accusation he was making.

"I'm saying that maybe you never really loved her to begin with because while those things you listed off earlier are nice and heartwarming, if you had actually _felt _them, then there's no way you would have let her go. You wouldn't have put her through the ringer twice before ending things. Again."

The words were like barbs winding around her heart and she _hated_ that on a certain level, he was right.

"I'm not saying I didn't fuck things up, Morgan," she said vehemently, her hands clenching into fists and her nails digging painfully into the palms of her hands, "but I love her too much to let her go."

He snorted derisively, a humorless chuckle leaving his lips as his hardened eyes burned through her, "Which is exactly why you don't love her as much as you claim to. If you love someone, if you _really_ love them, you know when to let go and let them be happy." His head shook, unable to believe he was actually muttering these words to her, "If you love someone enough, you stomach the pain and step back so they can be happy, even if it's with someone else."

Blue eyes narrowed on brown, her lips pressed into a thin line as she tried not to snap at the man who acted as though he knew everything there was to know about love. Imagine, the man who hadn't had a steady girlfriend in who knows _how long_, acting as though he was more knowledgeable about love. It was enough to make her guffaw in distaste, "That's the difference between us Morgan. You're willing to back away and suffer in silence rather than reaching out and grabbing what you want. I would rather try and fail time after time, knowing there's a _chance_, however small, that I'll get to taste that mythical love just _one more time_ than just stand back and let someone else have it."

She took a step forward, her finger jabbing into his solid chest, "So if you want to call me selfish for that, then go right ahead. Because you're right, I've squandered our time together _twice_, but maybe I needed that to happen to finally make me realize what I was taking for granted. If I need to be selfish to get her back, then I'll do it. When you love someone _that much_, you can afford to be a little selfish if it means finally getting that happy ending."

Morgan nodded his head, his eyes still staring into hers, but a sense of understanding seemed to have dawned on him. Taking a step back, his jaw set and shoulders stiff, he gave the blonde once last glance before grabbing his beer, "You do sound selfish," he stated quietly, "not because you're willing to keep fighting for her but because in your attempt at happiness, your shot at a 'happy ending,' you might not realize that you're ruining hers. You're selfish because everything is about you right now. Doesn't it matter that she's happy now? Doesn't it matter that maybe, just maybe, her happy ending isn't with you? There's a reason you've crashed and burned twice and from the sound of it, despite your beliefs, you haven't learned much."

"I've learned more than you realize," she said darkly, her hackles raised as she tried to show him just how sure of her words she was. "I _know_ what I did wrong and I don't intend to make that same mistake again. And maybe when you experience what this kind of love feels like, you'll understand why giving up and walking away just isn't an option. She's it for me. There is no one else."

Morgan turned his back to her, he didn't dare look at her, afraid that if he met her eyes again he would end up saying something he would regret. He didn't trust her, at least not enough to believe that she wouldn't break his best friend's heart again. "I'll believe it when I see it," were his parting words before he made his way back into the crowd and disappeared from sight.

It felt like more than just a challenge; like he knew something she didn't. It was infuriating to say the least.

But it gave her that final boost of confidence she needed, that last bit of resolution, to move from where she had been all evening and make her way towards the person she had watched throughout the night.

Except, as she started to weave through the throngs of moving bodies, she couldn't find the person she was looking for. The person her steely blue eyes had been transfixed on for the better part of three hours, was gone.

It felt strangely…final, almost absolute; like the universe was trying to tell her she had missed her chance.

Only she didn't, and nearly jumped for joy when there was a gentle tap on her shoulder and she turned around to see the one person she had been so feverishly trying to find.

"Looking for someone?" The familiar and husky voice asked, her gorgeous brown eyes still guarded, but the small smile she was sporting was warm and welcoming.

She breathed out a sigh of relieve, the constricting hand on her heart loosening with every breath she took and every hungry gaze that swept over the woman before her. "You, actually," she practically whispered, the words feeling like water to her parched throat.

Emily cocked an eyebrow, moving towards the bar and taking a seat, "What for?"

Only marginally disappointed that she could no longer read the woman she had once known so well, JJ offered a nervous chuckle and steeled herself for what she was about to say. "To say I'm sorry," she said slowly, her eyes filled with sorrow the likes of which Emily had never seen before. "To say that I'm an idiot for letting you walk away twice, to say that it killed me to watch you with someone who wasn't me tonight and to tell you that I have loved you since the moment I first saw you and that I can't even _begin_ to imagine a time in my life where you aren't by my side."

Dawning quickly fell upon Emily and she couldn't help but leap out of her chair in surprise. It wasn't that she hadn't spent a great deal of time wishing things had ended differently between them but it was clear that they just couldn't work. It was a bitter pill to swallow and an even harder lesson to learn, but it was a sad realization that her and JJ just weren't meant to be. Being with someone wasn't supposed to cause this much pain and she certainly didn't believe that it would be _that_ _hard_ to make work.

Sometimes it was just better to admit that despite the connection and everlasting love, things just weren't meant to be.

"JJ," Emily started to say, her answer to the blonde's declaration written clear as day on her face.

"Don't write this off," the blonde said quickly, cutting the profiler off. "Don't give up on us before we've even given it a real shot."

"Given it a shot?" Emily asked incredulously, not exactly mad but certainly not okay with having her heartache being trivialized like this. "I gave it a shot, JJ. In fact, I gave it two." Her index and middle finger raised for added emphasis, her eyes silently challenging the other woman to interrupt her again. "And both times I got burned. Why would I willingly put myself in the fire already knowing that the moment things get too hard or things get too real you'll be pushing me away and breaking me all over again?"

Waiting a moment, JJ's head hung low as she tried to muster up all of the determination she felt, wanting Emily to see it in her eyes. Finally, her head rose and she met Emily's eyes without so much as a flinch, "I will never be able to apologize for pushing you away, I can't tell you how much I regret the things I've put you through and the way I have run your hope in love right into the ground."

Testing the waters, she reached out and grabbed Emily's hand, her thumb stroking over the pale knuckles with reverence, "I wouldn't blame you for hating me, Emily, not when I've been a coward and run away with my tail between my legs and especially not when I put the burden of our failed relationship on your shoulders. I've done a lot wrong but what we have, it's worth a _real _shot. It's worth fighting for." She was desperate, everything about what she was saying screamed desperation, but she couldn't bring herself to care. She would crawl across broken glass, walk over hot coals and gladly drop to the floor and beg if it meant Emily would consider giving them another chance.

With the shutters raising and only sadness reflecting in her eyes, Emily's head shook slowly, her mind denying what was being said to her. The tissue around her heart had calcified and hardened, the frequent breaks and the fragility of it no longer an issue as she resorted to a desperate tactic to keep from experiencing the terrible pain of rejection.

"I can't risk putting myself through this again," the profiler said hollowly, her eyes practically begging JJ to stop this discussion and pretend like nothing had ever happened. When faced with the opportunity of being with the blonde, Emily's resolve was sure to crumble and she would willingly fall into JJ's open and inviting arms; but the dance they engaged in was always a short-lived one and she knew that it would inevitably end with her heart shattered in her hands and whole lot of self-loathing.

"I can't let you go," JJ pleaded, holding Emily's hand tighter as she moved closer to the other woman. "I will never be able to forgive myself for hurting you like I did but I know you can feel this. You can't tell me that you don't still love me, that being this close to one another doesn't make your head dizzy and your heart thump or that just touching one another doesn't make your skin tingle." The words were whispered, the quietness of it only making it that much more intimate. And as a last ditch effort, JJ used her free hand to cup the side of Emily's face, her thumb briefly stroking over the profiler's cheek before their lips pressed together softly.

It wasn't a kiss of urgency and it wasn't anywhere near as deep as some of their previous ones, but it was filled with reverence and love; something she hoped Emily recognized in it. "I love you," she mumbled against the frozen lips beneath hers, the words tumbling freely. "I love you, Em," she said again, her lips moving as she whispered, "I love you, I love you, I love you." It was a chant, a declaration, a desperate plea; it was everything and at the same time, it was absolutely nothing because Emily seemed to be unaffected by the words and the action. "Please forgive me," she asked in anguish, needing absolution and a final chance.

Happiness was right in front of her and yet, it felt like it was miles away.

Emily stumbled back, her eyes wide and brimming with tears, something she detested to have others see. Her heart was hammering in her chest like a jackhammer, wanting to burst free and join with the only other heart it had ever manage to synchronize with. But Emily was resolute in her belief, she couldn't give in to those blue eyes that haunted her dreams and she couldn't allow herself to be tempted by the allure of the blonde, no matter how siren-like her voice was or how intoxicating kissing her was.

Backing away slowly, as if JJ were a wild animal Emily didn't want to spook, "I'm so sorry Jennifer," she whispered apologetically, "but I can't. Not again. I won't be able to handle it a third time." Her throat was tight and her eyes stung from the sheer force of will that kept her tears at bay, "I am so sorry."

And without another word, the profiler turned around and walked briskly towards the door, her head held down and shoulders slumped, an air of defeat and fear swirling around her.

It wasn't what JJ had expected, but then again, Emily hadn't flat out denied loving her so she took what little morsels she could from their brief exchange. She felt a little stupid for clinging to hope that Emily might someday change her mind. And there was the nagging voice of Derek Morgan that continued to blabber that maybe letting her go was the selfless thing to do; that maybe she needed to stop putting the profiler through the wringer and give her a shot at happiness — even if it wasn't with her.

"No," the blonde whispered to herself, unwilling to believe that her happiness had eluded her, "I can't give up. I need to prove that I can fight for what I want," she said firmly to herself. Too many times she had thrown in the towel and given up without so much as _trying_ to get what she knew she wanted, but she was too aware of what was at risk to just back off and hope it all turned out well.

She would find a way to make Emily realize that together, they were so much better than they were apart. No one would ever provide the kind of love that being with one another created.

* * *

Emily paces the floor, her eyes wild with fear and possibilities as her mind tries to work through what JJ had just tried to confess. "I mean, can you believe that?" She asks hurriedly, her voice frantic and about several pitches high due to the momentary bout of hysteria.

"I understand wanting to fall back into that comfort because, god, do I miss it, but it's not realistic. How many times does she expect me to put myself out there just so she can leave me hanging in the wind again?" The profiler continues to rant, her hands flying in the air as she gesticulates wildly.

"Does she honestly think that even if I gave it another shot, that it wouldn't end just as badly as the first two times? How can she want to put herself through that?" Her hands stopped their crazy movements, her anger bleeding out as she seemed to visibly deflate, "Can't she see that this just isn't going to _work_?" Her voice, no longer strong and determined, sounded broken and hollow, the reality of things easily crashing down on her.

"What if you're wrong?" The other person in the room questions, his arm wrapping tightly around the other woman as he pulls her close, offering what little comfort he can. "What if it works out this time? Can you realistically and honestly tell me that you would be willing to pass up on a love like that?" He tries so desperately to keep the bitterness from his voice, to remain positive and friendly — to be what his friend needs at the moment. But inside, he's torn between rooting for Emily and JJ to work out and wanting it to fall to pieces so his friend can finally be happy, with whomever that just so happens to be.

"Where's this coming from?" Emily asks slowly, her head moving from the crook of her friends shoulder, "Derek," she says softly, her brown eyes locking with his for a moment, "I thought you were against us getting back together. I know I didn't imagine all of the JJ bashing sessions we've had over the last two years." Which was putting it mildly, especially when he tended to supply most of the insults while Emily just nodded in agreement and slammed back drink after drink. The time following their breakups was filled with nights spent around Morgan or at the bar alone, but both times it was accompanied by a bitter resentment and anger towards the blonde media liaison; her default emotion of choice.

"Maybe I just don't want you passing up on something that might actually be good for you," he said sympathetically, emotion shining in his eyes that Emily couldn't quite put her finger on. "You said it yourself, she's made you the happiest you've ever been — I doubt that a feeling like that isn't worth fighting for." It was like pulling teeth to get those words out, but he forced a polite and encouraging smile, all the while wondering if he was going to be the one responsible for breaking Emily's heart again. If he pushed her into the blonde's arms and things failed again, the burden of guilt would rest squarely upon his shoulders.

"I don't think I can handle it again," she whispered brokenly, an uncharacteristic amount of hurt showing not only on her face but in her voice as well. The barrier between them still existed, her need to mask her feelings still as purposeful as ever, but once a person has seen you at your worst, it tends to be a bit easier to stop holding so much back. And Morgan was now getting a glimpse at the still heartbroken part of her that she tried so feebly to pretend was whole and fixed.

His large hand cupped her cheek, similar to what JJ had done just hours prior, his thumb gingerly wiping away the few tears that trickled down her porcelain skin. "It wouldn't hurt that much if it didn't have the potential to be something great," he mumbled, his eyes focused intently on his thumb on her cheek, "and if you keep being afraid of what'll happen then you'll always regret not giving it another go."

She hated that he was right in a way; that she would ultimately end up dwelling on 'what ifs' should she decide that pursuing things again wasn't worth the risk.

"Love alone isn't enough to make things work," she argued, the comment sounding just as feeble to her as it did to Morgan.

"Then try harder to _make_ it work. If love isn't enough then find out what is." He countered, his hand still cupping her cheek as they stared into one another's eyes.

Slowly, almost regretfully, his hand dropped from her skin, his eyes downcast as he ushered her towards the door. "You can't be afraid to love, Emily. A love like that is always worth fighting for, even if you get burned a little in the process." He paused at the door, his hand resting on the doorknob and his shoulders hunched in defeat, "I just want you to be happy, Em," slowly, he turned towards her, the door opening quietly as he did so. "That's all I've ever wanted, and she's what makes you happy," he whispered before planting a kiss on her cheek and pushing her through the doorway.

Emily watched as the door closed and Morgan's carefully emotionally clouded face disappeared from sight, a pang of regret and guilt aching in her chest. It felt like so much wasn't being said and she could only wonder if maybe there was something she just wasn't seeing; a message she just couldn't _read_.

But it was because of his gentle prodding that she was willing to put herself out there just once more and hope that when she fell, JJ would finally be there to catch her.

* * *

JJ sat on her couch, her blue eyes focused on the half drunk glass of wine that rested on the table before her. Drinking was supposed to numb the ache that was quickly overtaking her but half a glass later and the bitter taste was only serving to worsen her misery.

Flashes of Emily kept running through her mind, her own personal way of torturing herself as she realized all the things she had missed out on and the moments she had thrown away.

Picking up the glass of wine sitting before her, she downed it in one go and tried to get the voices and images in her head to shut up and disappear.

As her fingers massaged her scalp and her eyes pulled shut, a soft knocking drew her attention towards her door. "Coming," she shouted after a moment, having needed a few seconds to confirm that the pounding was actually coming from the doorway and not just the sound of blood rushing in her ears.

The insistent knocking continued, the sound grating on JJ's nerves as she swung the door open, her mouth open and ready to yell angrily at the person on the other side; the person who was so rudely interrupting her temporary pity party.

Except, as her mouth opened to spew an angry line of expletives, her eyes finally registered the visitor and all anger immediately fled from her body.

"Emily?" She squeaked, her voice wavering as the woman before her came into focus and she allowed herself to believe that she was actually there and not just a figment of her imagination.

Emily stood rooted to that spot, torn between finding it amusing that JJ was staring at her like she was a ghost and walking away due to the immense feelings of anxiety that seemed to plague her the moment she met those baby blue eyes. The very same eyes that had sent shivers down her spine since the first moment she saw them.

"Are you going to let me in?" Emily asked amusedly, trying her damndest to hide the tremor in her voice and the way she had to keep her hands tucked into her pockets to keep from burying them in the familiar blonde locks of hair.

"Oh, right," the JJ stammered out, jerkily moving to the side and allowing the other woman to step inside. She gently closed the door and made her way towards the other woman, a small smile on her face as she allowed herself to hope for the best; she didn't think she could handle another rebuff from the profiler so soon.

She wouldn't give up trying to make things work but it would certainly derail things to have it being reinforced so soon after their last interaction.

"Can I get you something to drink? Wine? Beer? Water?" She rattled off, making her way towards the kitchen, only to be stopped by Emily's hand gently grabbing onto her wrist.

"I'm not thirsty." Emily replied shortly but gingerly, tugging the blonde towards the couch and preparing to say what had been on her mind since Morgan kicked her out of his place. "I came here to talk."

Nodding dumbly, JJ stared unblinkingly at the other woman, hope shining in her eyes despite the fear that gripped at her insides. The serious look on Emily's face was impossible to read and it was that uncertainty that made JJ all that more anxious and fearful.

"What's up?" The blonde asked after the silence came to be too much, her voice deceptively hopeful.

Emily had prepared an entire speech, she had gone over it again and again as she made her way towards JJ's house. She had even spoke it aloud in the privacy of her car, diligently going over the responses she would have to whatever the blonde threw at her.

It felt so much easier to pretend to have this conversation when she was driving down the empty street and the woman before her wasn't _actually_ present. Now, staring into JJ's eyes and seeing that ridiculously large amount of hope shining in them, her planned speech was just gone.

Vanished.

It was annoying how just being in the media liaison's presence could be her complete undoing; something Emily enjoyed and equally detested. She didn't particularly like being unprepared, but everything about JJ screamed spontaneous.

"Em?" JJ asked after a moment, sensing that the profiler had gotten lost in her own thoughts and probably wasn't any closer to saying whatever it was that was on her mind.

Emily's head shook as she tried to clear the cobwebs from her mind, a suffering sigh leaving her lips as she decided to just put herself out there and hope for the best. Hesitancy and rehearsed speeches were getting her nowhere and quite honestly, she wasn't much in the mood for any more long winded talks.

Over thinking things was their downfall and she just wanted to stop feeling like a piece of her was missing.

Without another thought, Emily placed her hands on either side of the blonde's face and pulled her close. Their lips met in a soft kiss, almost as if they were testing the waters before pushing for more.

The tender kiss ended just as quickly as it began, JJ's thudding heart and racing mind keeping her from continuing until she knew exactly _what_ was happening.

"What does this mean?" She asked slowly, fearing that the answer wasn't going to be the one she wanted to hear. There was a very good chance they would end up just being together physically rather than both physically and emotionally and that was something she didn't want. She needed to have all of Emily or none of her. There was no compromising on that.

"It means that I'm willing to give this one more shot," the profiler said determinately, her eyes steely and sure. "It means that maybe I've been convinced that giving up on us before we've actually _tried_ to make it work would be a mistake."

"And who, exactly, convinced you of this?" JJ found herself asking, wondering just who Emily might have turned to to get this advice.

"Morgan," Emily replied simply, her shoulders shrugging as though it were no big deal.

"Derek Morgan?" JJ asked incredulously, finding it incredibly hard to believe that the man who had torn her a new one just hours prior was suddenly pushing Emily towards her. "As in, fellow profiler, Derek Morgan?"

Emily's head tilted as she stared curiously at the blonde, unsure why it was so hard to believe that her best friend would want her to be happy. Morgan had been nothing but supportive during the time JJ and her were together and when they split, he had admittedly taken her side in the matter, but that didn't mean that he was against JJ completely. It didn't seem all that unfathomable to believe that Morgan would want them both to be happy.

"Yeah, _that_ Derek Morgan. He told me that a love like ours was worth fighting for."

JJ's eyes widened even more, her mouth dropping open just a fraction, "He said that?" she questioned quietly, unable to wrap her head around this turn of events.

Emily, annoyed with the inquisition taking place, huffed in barely masked frustration, "Why is it so hard to believe that Derek would want me to be happy? That he would want us to be together?" The frustration quickly slid off her face and Emily found herself scooting away from the blonde, a look of stricken horror masking her features, "Unless you don't want this anymore."

Quickly forgetting about her suspicions and skepticism towards Derek's sudden about face, the blonde redirected her attention towards the woman before her. Frantically shaking her head, JJ placed her hands on Emily's shoulders to keep her from moving any further away, "I have never wanted anything as badly as I want this," she whispered softly, her voice filled with the determination and love it had possessed earlier.

Any further discussion was cut off as their lips crashed together once again, this time less gentle and more desperate, the overwhelming need to reacquaint themselves taking over. Their tongues dueled together, they explored one another as their lips slid slowly against one another.

But this time, it was Emily who pulled apart, her cheeks flushed and her lips swollen, "We're going to have to do things differently this time," she said slowly, resisting the urge to kiss the blonde again, though that didn't stop her fingers from gently scratching the media liaison's scalp.

With her eyes fluttering shut at the sensation, JJ nodded easily and eagerly, "Whatever you want," she replied instantly.

"We probably shouldn't do anything more until we've both got clear heads," Emily hedged, the excuse thin and flimsy but her way of trying to make sure they didn't jump into anything they weren't quite ready for.

JJ nodded in agreement, her eyes still glued to Emily's, "That's probably a good idea," she mumbled before pulling the profiler close and peppering her neck with kisses. It was just too hard to keep her lips from the tantalizing flesh before her, the months of time wasted not exploring the supple skin had her craving it now more than ever.

Emily tried to think rationally, she really did, but in that short span of time her and JJ were no longer together, she had forgotten just how easily and readily her body responded to the blonde's touch. "Tomorrow," the profiler muttered back, her mind deliciously fogged and free of thought as she gave in to the feeling of JJ's hands on her arms and her lips pressed to her neck.

"Tomorrow," JJ mimicked, the words muffled against Emily's flesh.

It was a ridiculous notion to believe that they wouldn't somehow end up together, and maybe this time it would end just as badly as it had the previous two times, but a love that is that all encompassing and that consuming doesn't just go away. Maybe they would spend the rest of their lives coming together only to fall apart before restarting the process all over again or maybe this would be the time they learned from their mistakes and made it work.

But no matter the outcome, whether they crashed and burned or flourished and thrived, they would always end up being drawn to one another. It was inescapable in a way; a gravitational love that no matter the distance or time apart, would always have them drifting back to one another.

It was inescapable.

Unavoidable.

Because when you find that all encompassing, blood boiling, eye fluttering, finger trembling, knee wobbling and heart palpitating, wholehearted, head dizzying _love_, you tend to be smart enough to not let it go. It's just that strong; that otherworldly.


	9. The Games We Play

It's a game they're playing, they do it every so often and while they have never explicitly stated the rules, both are aware they exist. So Emily doesn't fill with anger at the sight of the blonde on the opposite side of the bar, her tanned hands wrapped tightly around the young man's neck.

Sure, it boils her blood with jealousy but this is something they have been doing for weeks now, a way to get a rise out of the other and still show that whatever they have isn't something serious. It's a way to show that they aren't really tied down, that their freedom is still somehow intact. Though, the act means little when the extent of their showcasing is just dancing and a few wandering hands (always on their dance partner's part) and over-the-top giggling.

Shameless flirting is what they do, to display their unclipped wings, and to some extent, add a little spice to their already active sex life.

So Emily isn't pissed when she sees JJ's dance partner's hands wander down to the firm buttocks that the profiler has seen and memorized every inch of — no, she's not angry, just jealous as all hell. Every part of her is screaming at her to take action, to _do_ something; to rip his hands off, to tear her from his grip, to kiss her in front of everyone and show just who she'll be leaving with tonight.

It's primal and borderline needy and Emily would do it in a heartbeat but they're playing a game and the profiler isn't deluded enough to think she has any sort of claim on JJ. Their relationship is limited to friendship and sex.

It was a mistake when it first happened and it's a mistake as it continues to happen, because Emily may not be in love with JJ but the embers of love are there and with just a little coaxing or a strong wind it can either flourish or die.

She feels like she is in a perpetual state of limbo, unsure of whether she should move on or make a play for something more. Sometimes, when she works up the courage and looks JJ right in the eye and meets those blazing baby blues, she lets herself imagine what they could have together, what kind of life they could share. But as soon as the spark ignites, it's quickly snuffed out by the shutters that drop behind JJ's eyes and the distance that materializes between them.

It's a hell of a feeling to be lying next to someone after exploring every inch of their body only to feel as though they're a million miles away and you're suddenly in bed with a complete stranger. To feel like the woman beside you is untouchable despite being tangibly and physically there; to have her so close that her body heat feels like an inferno but at the same time, feel as though there's a canyon rift of space separating them.

The fact that JJ has flipped their roles and become the closed off one does not escape her notice and only serves to further solidify Emily's need to either move things forward or cut it off. The profiler is well aware of the way the blonde is infecting her; slowly consuming her alive, and if Emily doesn't make a break for it soon, there'll be nothing left to salvage once she's been devoured. Mentally, emotionally, she knows that as fact, but still, she can't bring herself to stop straddling the fence; to make a decision.

So Emily runs her finger along the rim of her glass, her brown eyes glued to the blonde's form as JJ presses firmly into the man dancing with her, her backside grinding into him as her hands reach back to caress his head and neck.

The sight makes Emily's stomach churn and her muscles tighten.

And then time seems to slow to a halt and the game is suddenly just…_over_. The sadistic game that they've been playing for weeks is over in the blink of an eye because JJ is breaking one of the rules that had long ago been established but not spoken.

The blonde is whirled around by the man on the dance floor, his hands possessively on her hips as his lips crash into hers.

From where Emily sits she can clearly see JJ kissing back with just as much enthusiasm, her fingers digging into his scalp as the kiss continues and their tongues delve into one another's mouths.

The feeling that passes through the profiler isn't jealousy anymore; it's something so much worse. It's like nothing she's ever experienced before but it feels like a hand has just crashed into her chest and taken whatever it could grab before yanking itself back out. Her stomach burns, the acid bubbling up her esophagus and into her throat, something Emily imagines is her body's way of trying to purge itself of whatever Jennifer had injected into her. Her eyes sting painfully as she tries her damndest to keep the traitorous tears at bay, to hold on to what semblance of dignity she can.

Her whole body aches, every fiber, every blood cell, and every single organ. It all hurts more than any gunshot, any tackle, any beating; any of it and Emily _hates_ it.

But what she hates more is that she can't tear her eyes away from the sight before her, feeling the need to watch as the man attempts to devour JJ's face.

And any ounce of dignity, any strength or pride she had left is snapped like the twig it is when JJ's blue eyes make contact with her dark brown ones.

JJ smirks, oblivious to the termination of the game, believing she's pushed Emily into a corner and is about to swoop down and claim her prize. To delight in the spoils that always come when one of them makes the other a jealous and possessive monster.

Emily only stares this time, tearing her eyes from the blonde as she throws back the remainder of her scotch and walks out of the bar, her eyes never looking back. She can't bear to look back at the person who has singlehandedly cut her at the knees; who broke something inside of her that she wasn't entirely aware had existed—something she never dared to believe could be touched let alone shattered.

* * *

The moment Emily disappears from sight, the cocky smirk falls from JJ's lips as she pushes the man before her away. The façade crumbles to the ground, her face a mask of disgust as she stares almost longingly at the empty seat Emily had vacated.

His hands reach out for her again but JJ brushes him off, unconcerned with him and their previous actions. She can only focus on the woman she was supposed to be leaving with, the woman she _always_ leaves with.

It's a game they're playing and it's never supposed to end like this. They rile one another up but they go home _together_; it's an unspoken rule.

And yet, standing there, a look of nothing short of anguish on her face, JJ feels like the game is over and she's somehow lost.

She isn't certain how the game started or even why for that matter, but it did and she kept up with it. Having Emily in some way was better than not having her at all.

Friend with benefits; that's what they had.

Whoever decided that was a great idea was either a cruel and sadistic bastard or someone who learned their lesson but failed to preach the end results, because it never seems works out. Everyone always says that they'll remain detached and it's only platonic but it's the biggest load of bull and no matter how hard they try, someone always ends up hurt.

JJ is no exception to that rule. Feelings got involved the moment her fingers glided across Emily's pale flesh, the second she was allowed to take a piece of the profiler that no other person had been allowed. It was nothing short of magical for her and she could only hope that it was the same for Emily.

Things changed though, maybe it was fear of change or fear of what could happen between them but this game started and neither one could stop it. So JJ was content to take what she could get, to relish in the moments they had and hope that somewhere along the way it would get better.

Maybe that's why they started what they did, to make the other so jealous that one would realize that sex wasn't worth anything if feelings weren't involved; if it didn't _mean_ something.

But fear always kept JJ from admitting what she knew and saw so clearly. It was fear that made her shift into someone else, made her adopt a persona that she _knew_ Emily would like, someone that would keep her hooked. It was why she didn't crowd Emily and created some distance after sex, why she closed herself off and tried her best to hide the overwhelming emotions she knew Emily would see the moment their eyes locked, why she let that complete stranger kiss her tonight.

It was supposed to push Emily's buttons, to keep up with the game, to make Emily see the person JJ was being for _her_; but it backfired and she had no idea how to fix it let alone if there was anything _to_ fix.

* * *

Interactions from that night forward were kept to a minimum, neither woman sure how to approach the situation or how things had gone so wrong so quickly.

Emily avoided eye contact and closed in on herself while JJ locked herself in her office and kept any conversation limited to strictly business, though that didn't keep the others from noticing the strained atmosphere.

"C'mon gumdrop, what's the matter? You've been holed up in here for days now and while that's nothing unusual the fact that you won't even leave for coffee is cause for concern." Penelope goaded; her eyes boring into JJ's downcast head, her concern bleeding through her nosiness.

"Nothing's the matter," JJ mumbled, her eyes never leaving the case file before her. "I've just got a lot of case files to go through. I've fallen behind on it and Strauss has been breathing down Hotch's neck about it." Her head popped up for a moment to offer the tech analyst a sad excuse for a comforting smile before her eyes were downcast again.

"Does this have anything to do with our brooding female profiler downstairs by any chance?" Garcia asked, completely bypassing JJ's weak excuses.

If at all possible, JJ's shoulders slumped just a little more, her body seeming to cave in on itself as she tried her hardest not to look out the window to the spot she knows Emily's desk is at. Her fingers grip the pen in her hand just a little tighter, forcing her willpower to hold true. "No, it's about my caseload," JJ says, sounding like she's trying to convince Penelope just as much as herself.

"You're a terrible liar," Garcia says conversationally, nonplussed at the blonde's attitude or the bold faced lies she's being fed. "How can you be such a fantastic media liaison when you lie so terribly?" The tech analyst muses out loud, her eyes never once leaving the slumped form before her.

"I'm not a bad liar," JJ rebukes, her brow furrowing as she tries to glare heatedly at her friend, "and I'm an expert at bending the truth. That's what the media is all about; saying things without actually saying anything and bending the truth."

Penelope can only stare in amusement at the blonde, her eyes twinkling as she attempts to manipulate information out of her easy prey. "So then you're just a bad liar when it comes to our closed-off profiling goddess downstairs?"

JJ frowns even more, her eyes narrowing as she finally allows herself to glance at the woman that has been occupying her mind for days. "I don't lie when it comes to Emily," she says softly, the statement sounding heavy with unexpressed emotion.

"You just bend the truth?" Penelope prods, "Or talk without really saying anything?"

Immediately, JJ's eyes dart towards the innocent looking tech analyst, "I never said that." Though JJ knows it's the truth, Emily scares the hell out of her. Being with her is like seeing for the first time when you've spent your entire life living in the dark, blind to the world around you. The sensation is nothing short of wonderful but it's overwhelming and all consuming and more often than not JJ finds herself skirting around things for fear of upsetting the delicate balance of things.

"So you two aren't having a fight?" Penelope asks, eyes glancing from the haggard media liaison to the equally terrible looking Emily Prentiss.

"No," JJ says truthfully, because she hasn't got a clue what they're having but she's pretty sure it's not a fight. It feels like a breakup but since they were never actually _together_ it's pretty hard for that to be the case. "Just—"the media liaison takes a deep breath, her hand rubbing tiredly at her dark circled encased eyes, "it's complicated."

It's a terrible way of summing things up but that's the case; things are complicated and JJ has no idea how to explain it without making it sound worse than it is. Having casual sex with her best friend and then falling for her is simple enough but then you throw in the strange jealousy game they play and it all takes a very strange and unwelcoming turn.

JJ knows that if there was anyone to talk about this to, it would most definitely be Penelope because as nosy and intrusive as the tech analyst can be, she passes no judgment and is one of the best pillars of support a person can ask for. But now that JJ has tried and failed to put into words her soft-of-sort-of-not relationship with Emily, she's more ashamed of actually uttering the words than she is of Garcia hearing them.

"Jayje, I know you don't want to talk about this, which means it's either really bad or extremely embarrassing," Penelope's voice is light and joking but even JJ isn't oblivious to the undertone of seriousness that lingers. She can see how hard Garcia is trying to wheedle the information out without being abrasive about it. "And from the way you just winced, I'm going to assume it's a little bit of both. But the fact is, you can't keep dancing around each other. If I've noticed you can bet your pretty little butt that the rest of the team will notice–if they haven't already."

JJ holds up her hand to stop the words that seem to be tumbling from Penelope's mouth, the truth of them ringing loudly in her ears. Her stomach aches with the reality of it all and she can't handle hearing it from Penelope as well as her conscience. It's too much to handle and if she can barely handle trying to explain it she has no idea how she's even going to broach the topic with Emily.

"I get it Penelope," she said harshly, a fire lit behind her eyes as she silently dares the other woman to say something else on the matter. Deep down, JJ knows she's turning her frustrations and misery into pure anger and unjustly directing towards the only other friend she has and who genuinely wants to help. But anger is often irrational and all JJ can focus on is not having to focus on her problems with Emily.

To Garcia's benefit, she stood still and watched with suppressed amusement as JJ vented, her words suddenly sounding bitter instead of the mousy insecure way they had just moments before. "Sweetie, you can get as angry as you want with me but we both know you're just projecting and that it won't solve a damn thing. So either confront Emily about this or—" her brow crinkled for a moment before she shook her head and smiled her megawatt smile at JJ, "well, I guess that's your only option."

With only a somewhat stern look, Garcia walked towards the door, stopping halfway out before she turned around to look at the deflated blonde, "Talk to her." And with that, Garcia was gone and JJ was left to mull over what she was going to do.

Emily sat at her desk, staring unseeingly at the papers that littered the workspace. Her mind had been running full speed since she had walked out of that bar. No matter how much she drank, how vehemently she denied the feelings that seemed to have burrowed into her insides only to burn them with acid, she couldn't stop thinking about JJ with her tongue shoved down some stranger's throat.

It had been days and still the image haunted her, made her blood boil and her heart clench.

If she could have, she would have pushed it away, thrown it into a compartment and pretended like the memory and pain didn't exist. But she couldn't put something away that she didn't fully understand.

Did the pain that seized her body mean she loved JJ or that her feelings were so strong that they were crippling? _If_ she managed to talk to JJ about these things, was it even worth the effort to pursue a relationship?

Emily was not delusional, she didn't believe in lying to herself, so she was fully aware of how terrible she was with relationships. Her job prevented anything meaningful from fully taking root. But what really sealed her fate was her inability to deal with feelings like a normal person.

Others dealt with them as they came and went, they processed and if need be, talked it out. Emily however, was taught that feelings, _emotions_, were often a weakness, not a strength. So she locked them up and buried them, content to ignore them and pretend like the feelings had never existed.

It was how she excelled so quickly, how she managed to do so well in her job field. The gore, the depravity never got to her because she didn't _let _it.

But if she were to open herself up to JJ, to allow whatever she thought they had, to blossom and flourish, could she really give the media liaison everything she deserved? Could JJ accept her emotional crippling?

As far as Emily could see, JJ expressed no real inclination towards something deeper. Of course, that didn't mean there weren't moments where she thought a connection was being forged but those moments were far outweighed by the reinforcement of JJ's distance.

So Emily had no idea where she stood let alone what the infuriating feelings that kept her awake at night meant.

What she did know, was that if this was what love felt like, if this crippling and debilitating _hurt_ was heartbreak, she had no idea why anyone would willingly put themselves through it and all for the sake of a shot at love.

The profiler hadn't intended to develop any sort of feelings besides those of friendship for JJ, but somewhere along the way 'friendship' mutated into something deeper and more complex. But Emily was stubborn and reluctant to admit when she was fighting a losing battle, so she let the gut-wrenching, heart stopping, knee buckling, headache inducing, agonizing pain overtake her body and vowed to rid herself of whatever grip JJ had over her – even if it was to her detriment.

* * *

JJ spent the better part of her day pacing the floor of her office, hating how much Garcia's words seemed to resonate within her.

It annoyed the hell out of her how _aware_ Penelope was and she hated how _right_ the tech analyst was about this situation. The woman had no idea what was going on between her and Emily and yet she somehow managed to provide sound advice that fit the situation perfectly.

So either Garcia actually _was_ omniscient and all-knowing or JJ's predicament was just really predictable. Either way, she when she was no longer in the thick of things, she would give props where props were due.

"Talk to her," JJ quietly but sternly told herself as she gazed out the window and stared at Emily's back. "I just need to talk to her," she said again, sounding more confident, her words holding her conviction.

With a renewed purpose she opened the door and walked over to Emily's desk, tapping her fingers on the profilers shoulder.

When Emily turned around her face was covered in its usual controlled mask, her face devoid of any emotions. The look made JJ's heart hurt because she knew that beneath the mask and behind the walls, Emily was no doubt hurting; she just didn't know why.

"Can we talk?" JJ asked quietly, her eyes darting looking around to make sure that no one was eavesdropping.

Outwardly, Emily's reaction never changed, she continued to stare at JJ, "Why, do we have a case?"

The question was like a punch to the gut for some reason to JJ and she couldn't keep the incredulous look from her face even if she tried. "No and I think you already know that." She replied instantly, her hurt from the question manifesting in her tone of voice.

Emily sighed, her pen dropping loudly on the desk as she turned her complete attention towards the blonde, "Look, JJ, I'm behind on my casework and I've got to get out of here early, so if this isn't absolutely important can we do it another time?" The exasperation in her voice bled through, no matter how hard she tried to keep it from doing just that.

"No, Emily, we can't." JJ replied just as exasperated, her emotions feeding off of the other woman's. "Look, it won't take long and it may not be case related but it involves the team and I don't see any other time to discuss this." She stared imploringly at Emily, wanting her to see just how serious this conversation was going to be.

A quiet and clearly distressed sigh came from Emily's lips but she reluctantly rose from her seat and followed JJ up to her office, already believing she knew what the conversation was going to be.

Once both women were inside the office and the door was closed, they remained staring at one another from opposite ends of the room.

"Well?" Emily finally said gruffly, breaking the tense silence that had descended upon them.

JJ, having only really planned up until the point of getting Emily alone, hadn't really considered what she would say once they were alone. The blonde pursed her lips in thought, jumping between tactfully bringing up her questions or just boldly asking them.

Since Emily looked like she was mere seconds from throwing her hands in the air in frustration and storming out of the room, JJ chose to be direct.

Though, being direct was slightly harder than imagined when Emily looked as intimidating as she did with her arms crossed angrily and her posture screaming that she wasn't in the mood to beat around the bush.

"What happened at the bar?" JJ blurted out, her cheeks tingeing the lightest of pinks as she stared imploringly at Emily.

"Nothing happened," Emily said pointedly, her angry disposition morphing into passive disinterest.

"Please don't do that Emily," the blonde muttered quietly, her blue eyes still peering intently into Emily's eyes. Almost as though just by looking into Emily's eyes, she could find the answers she was looking for.

"Don't do what?" Emily asked quickly, her brows knitting together in annoyance. "Answer your question? Or keep from spilling every sordid detail to you?"

"Why are you upset with me?" JJ responded with her own question, completely bewildered as to what had set Emily off. "I didn't do anything we don't usually do."

Resisting the urge to tug her hair in frustration, Emily forced her jealousy and anger back down. It was ridiculous to be mad at JJ when it was Emily who couldn't get a grasp on her evolving feelings.

"Just– just forget it." Emily snarled, her best attempts and reigning in her temper failing miserably.

As Emily tried to make her way towards the door, JJ reached out and grabbed her hand to halt her movements. "I can't forget it Em. Just—" the blonde stopped and dropped Emily's arm, "just tell me what I did wrong."

If the overwhelmingly sad and dejected tone didn't get to her, then the ridiculously large blue puppy dog eyes JJ was sending her way was enough to break the toughest of Emily's walls. "Look, you didn't do anything wrong. You—" Emily threw her hands up in annoyance, her inability to voice what was really bothering her making her all the more cranky. "I just— You didn't do anything wrong." She finally settled on, repeating her original comment when it was clear that she wasn't able to say what she truly wanted to.

"If I didn't do anything wrong then why did you leave? And why do I feel like something happened that night? We always leave together, Em."

Shaking her head, Emily pulled away from the blonde. "Yeah, well, maybe we should stop that too. The longer we keep doing this, the harder it'll be later on."

Thoroughly confused as to what Emily was going on about, JJ stepped closer to the profiler. "What are you talking about, Emily?"

"The longer we keep playing this game, the more we keep pretending like we have something, the more it'll hurt in the long run." Emily's face was steely as it slowly started to close off.

Shocked by the profilers words, JJ could only stare at her. "You don't have any feelings for me?" The blonde asked suddenly, her face, for the first time, was unreadable to Emily.

"I didn't say that," Emily quickly said, instinctively reaching out to grab JJ's hand.

"But you didn't _not_ say it." JJ retorted, her hand moving just out of Emily's reach.

Sighing heavily, Emily stuffed her hands in her pockets and took a moment to weigh her words. "I don't know how I feel but I know there's something there. I don't know if it's love or just strong affection or maybe it's something else, but when I saw you kiss that guy I couldn't stand it."

"I thought that's what you wanted to see," JJ said quietly, wondering just how far off base she had been about everything between them.

"What I wanted to see?" Emily asked sharply, her expression easily morphing into hurt and anger as she tried to process what the blonde was saying. It was like a bucket of ice water being dumped over her head or a thousand slaps to the face, to realize that _that_ was what JJ thought Emily liked. That the blonde thought Emily could only tolerate her if she was a cold, detached, manipulative, empty shell of a person. "Is that what you honestly think of me?"

There was no mistaking the pure hurt and anguish in Emily's voice, her gaze intense as she waited for JJ's next words, and when none were forth coming, the profiler nodded slowly, her eyes dropping to the ground as she strode quickly towards the door.

"Whatever we had," Emily said in a measured tone, her voice almost robotic as she spoke, "it's over. The fact that I could break you and turn you into _this_ is a testament to just how badly we are together." Her shoulders slumped, her gravelly voice cracking ever so slightly as her final words were muttered, "I'm sorry I made you think this is who you had to be, that this was what you needed to do to keep me."

With nothing more to add, Emily slipped out the door and went back to her desk, feeling more broken than she ever thought possible. It was surreal to realize that maybe she wasn't quite as loveable as she had once believed. If that was how JJ thought she needed to act to keep Emily interested, then Emily had nothing but bad things to offer the blonde.

It was a sad realization.

* * *

Standing in her office, eyes glued to where Emily had just been, JJ still couldn't wrap her head around what the profiler had just said. It was too much of a shock, just too unreal for her to truly process.

Did she believe that Emily enjoyed the jealousy game they had been playing? Yes, but then again, so did JJ. On some level, there was a thrill, but beyond that, it was a way to keep Emily interested and to get that visceral reaction; to feel like she wasn't just imagining an emotional connection between them.

Was it so hard for Emily to see that JJ would have taken whatever she could get? To change and mold herself into someone else just to have that small taste of the profiler? Was it really so farfetched when it actually _worked_?

It wasn't as if the JJ Emily knew as a friend no longer existed, she was still there, lurking beneath the surface. She was just waiting for a moment to emerge; to find the perfect scenario to show Emily just how much better things would be with that strong and world altering connection.

Maybe Emily didn't see it or she couldn't believe it but JJ was sure that what they had was visceral and if treated correctly and given time to flourish, it would be something the likes neither of them could ever imagine.

So if the blonde changed herself a bit to get Emily's attention, if she gave up that bit of control she struggled to maintain day in and day out when she was in the presence of the profiler and if she gave herself over to the carnal desires that the raven haired woman seemed to evoke in her, then that's what she was going to do.

Technically, Emily was right though; JJ did mold herself to what the profiler wanted and in a way, she gave up a bit of herself in the process but that by no means meant that JJ was losing herself in any way and she certainly wasn't doing anything that she didn't _want_ to do. She liked Emily — okay, well, she _loved_ Emily — but that didn't mean she was willing to compromise her morals or identity for the other woman. Love could make her do a lot of things but compromising who she was just wasn't one of them.

But JJ could only figure that Emily was either ignorant to that or too blinded by her own relationship fears to truly realize that.

Either way, JJ wasn't about to give up on things just because Emily was bound and determined to crawl back in her shell and play the martyr.

With her blue eyes blazing and hardened, JJ took a cleansing breath before marching out of her office and down to where Emily's desk was. She wasted no time forcefully grabbing the stubborn profiler by the arm and leading them both back to her own office.

"JJ, I have work to finish," Emily said in exasperation, looking over her shoulder and towards her desk as she tried to tug her arm free.

"We haven't finished talking," JJ said forcefully, her tone making it clear that Emily wasn't going to get out this.

Once they were back in the room, JJ pushed Emily further inside before she closed the door and stood before it, effectively trapping the two of them inside.

"Well then?" Emily asked hotly, using her anger to hide the hurt that was still bubbling beneath the surface. She felt like someone had ripped off every scab on her body, leaving not only her outsides but her insides open and raw. She hated that feeling. She hated feeling vulnerable and especially hated that being around JJ made her a slave to her emotions.

JJ looked at Emily, her head shaking in annoyance at the way the other woman was rushing her and acting as though her case files were more important than hashing things out. And still, even when the blonde was annoyed with the profiler, she couldn't help but love her just a bit more. The woman was infuriating but that was just another one of those things she absolutely adored about her.

"You are the most insufferable, self-deprecating, emotionally challenged, egotistical and infuriating person I have ever met," JJ started off, angrily throwing the words at the other woman as she took a step closer. "You are so wrapped up in the meaning behind every damn thing you and what others do that you can't see what should be so glaringly obvious."

Taking another step forward, JJ's hands swung at her sides, her fists clenched tight. "Every single thing needs to be broken apart and analyzed and it is so _infuriating_," she muttered, taking yet another step. "I don't even know how you've made it this far in life, let alone your job, when you are so completely _incapable _of noticing what is so obvious and crystal clear to everyone else."

Another step closer and JJ was only a foot away, her hands unfurling as they moved to cup the profiler's face. Both hands held onto the pale flesh, her thumbs swiping at the soft skin of Emily's cheeks before stilling completely as she forced the other woman to look her in the eyes. "You didn't _corrupt_ me," JJ said slowly, "you didn't _change_ me into something I wasn't already willing to be and you certainly didn't _break_ me."

"Why are you saying this?" Emily croaked, her mask cracking as she stared into those endlessly emotion-filled blue eyes. It was a combination of the emotions swirling in her vulnerable eyes and the conviction in her words that made Emily feel so open and unable to control her own feelings or the sliver of hope that blossomed in her chest.

"Because you need to hear it to believe it," JJ said softly, her eyes somewhat saddened as they peered into Emily's troubled brown ones. "I don't care if you don't feel the same way but I love you," JJ whispered reverently, her heart racing as she confessed what had been niggling in the back of her mind for so long. "And it's because I love you that I'm willing to embrace that part of myself that only _you_ bring out in me." The blonde let one of her hands drop, Emily face now solely cradled in JJ's right hand, "I would never trust someone enough to let myself go like that, Emily, but I trust_ you_ and it's because of that trust that it doesn't feel like I'm molding myself to your wants and wishes but more like embracing a part of myself that I've denied for a _very long_ time."

Emily listened intently to what JJ was saying but after hearing the words 'I love you' she was having a much harder time concentrating. The mere mention of those words made her heart stutter before beating madly, her head feeling as though it had shot through the sky and was now floating about through the clouds.

"You love me?" The profiler whispered, her voice filled with an awe JJ had never heard before. And there was no mistaking the vulnerability and fear that seemed to cloud Emily's brown eyes.

"How could I not?" JJ asked incredulously, moving closer to the other woman as she tried to convey just how much she loved her. "You are amazing Emily."

It was overwhelming to say the least, especially since Emily had spent so much time walling herself off and trying to keep others at a distance. But opportunity was knocking on her door and she was torn between self-preservation and throwing herself into the fire that was now threatening to consume her.

But she had been running from happiness for a long time and so far, the few times she had pursued her own joys, they had paid off in the end. Who was to say that a relationship with JJ wouldn't work out the same way?

Sure, it would have its bumps but the worthwhile things always did, right? All great things needed to be worked for to be truly appreciated and JJ seemed like something that was wholly worthwhile.

"I'm bad at relationships," the profiler whispered, looking for a reaction from the blonde as she made the very astute observation.

"I kind of figured," JJ responded just as quietly, her face moving closer to Emily's, millimeter by millimeter.

"And I'm not sure if l love you," Emily said slowly. "But I think it's pretty close," she then added quickly, seeing the slight fall to the media liaison's face. "And I'm sure it has the potential to be something more."

"So what are you trying to tell me?" JJ prodded, wanting Emily to be the one to take the leap of faith and officially declare things between them.

Emily stared at her for a moment, looking as though she were sizing her up or weighing her options. "I'm saying that, if you're willing to help me through this, then I'm more than willing to do this right."

The profiler rolled her eyes at herself, wondering what it was about JJ that seemed to bring out these parts of herself that she didn't think she even had. "I don't want you because of some game we play and I don't want to share you with anyone else," she confessed, not wanting to remember the feeling of jealousy and heartbreak that washed over her when she saw JJ in the arms of another man. "I just want _you_. All of you."

"For future reference or just as a rule of thumb, all you had to do was ask," JJ said softly, a smile on her face as she finally closed the gap between them and pressed their lips together.

It was a game they played, where the rules were unspoken but existed nonetheless. Except, somewhere along the way the rules changed and the object of the game was distorted until it was something completely different. It was no longer about using jealousy to fuel their exploits or trying to see how far the other could be pushed; it was about establishing a connection that was rooted in more than just surface emotions. It was about acknowledging that beyond the pretense of jealousy, so much more could take hold and create something so much more worthwhile.

It scared the hell out of both of them, but no game was worthy playing if there wasn't a little risk at stake.


End file.
